


Here's My Best Shot

by Midori__99



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Badass Kyungsoo, Bloodshed, Chanyeol is a sniper, How Do I Tag, I Tried, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mafia EXO, Soft Park Chanyeol, This is my first mafia fic please be kind, assassin kyungsoo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2020-05-14 10:30:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 52,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19271425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midori__99/pseuds/Midori__99
Summary: Do Kyungsoo, son of the leader of a notorious mafia gang, had a heart made of ice and hands crafted to kill. Park Chanyeol, a victim who got taken into the gang for his talents, was the best sniper but had a lot of love for the living. Their fates have been intertwined ever since Kyungsoo refused to let the boy die and ever since Chanyeol managed to make Kyungsoo feel things he never thought he was capable of feeling.(shittiest summary I've ever written. Hopefully, story should be better.)





	1. Intrigue

**Author's Note:**

> Hmm hm, back at it again with my ChanSoo. Don't even know if it's gonna be the mafia AU i claim it to be. Eh anyway, it's 3 AM and i managed to finish the first chapter. please give lots of love and kudos. I hope you guys like this!
> 
> Also, I imagined Chanyeol's character here to be very Jung Sejoo-ish, so please forgive me if he comes off as too moody and withdrawn. That's how i intend him to be here.

As far as he remembered, Kyungsoo never knew a life outside of the gang that his father headed. Right from when he was only five years old he was taught how to hold a dagger and stab at a person’s vital spots. He was trained in close combat seeing how his poor vision right from childhood made it hard for him to be a marksman or shooter. He was seasoned into the gang’s ways. He was made to grow up without knowing warmth or having a heart.

He was only twelve but he was already known well to be one of their most skilled and deadly assassins. He was a child yet all the others in the establishment were scared of him. Most also hated him for his cold nature. Kyungsoo didn’t have anyone he could call his friends but he couldn’t care less. He liked being alone anyway.

He was nicknamed the Winter Child because of his coldness and lack of empathy. He was supposed to have no feelings. And yet, as Kyungsoo stared on in front of himself at the boy, bloodied and battered with a pair of round glasses sitting crookedly on his nose yet standing his ground holding out a gun at them with shaking hands, he felt a spark of _something_. He couldn’t explain it. Kyungsoo wasn’t in tune with emotions but he definitely realized that he felt something.

“Why do you resist, child?” the smooth voice beside him spoke and Kyungsoo felt an unpleasant crawling under his skin. His father was sadistic. Kyungsoo both feared and hated him. “You can’t last against us. So why fight back?”

The boy’s hand trembled violently but he cocked the gun and held it in front of himself like he was ready to pull the trigger any moment. “What have you done to my father?” his voice shook as well and tears slid out of his eyes. “Where is my father? Why are you all here? Why did…why did that man try to choke me when I was sleeping?”

“Do you really want to know child?” the man’s voice was smooth and silky but undeniably cruel. “If you’ll be a good boy and lay your gun down, then we might not kill you. Now be a good boy yeah?”

The boy sobbed but glared through his tears. He vehemently shook his head. “No!”

Kyungsoo’s eyebrows shot up, impressed. This boy had guts and he looked no older than Kyungsoo himself. Throwing a pensive glance at the body sprawled out in front of them, knocked out cold and then looking back at the bespectacled boy still holding the gun, he realized that the boy had more to him than anyone else realized.

“Father,” the man beside him immediately turned his cold glance at him and Kyungsoo regarded him back just as coldly. “Don’t you think it would be a waste to kill him off? He could be an asset.”

“Oh? Is my Kyungsoo interested in him?” the man’s thin lips curled up into an amused smirk and Kyungsoo resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “I’m sorry, hun, but he is that dratted Agent’s son. We can’t let him live. He would be a nuisance. Now, Snapper.” He nodded at the man beside him and the man made a move.

But before any of them could even blink, a deafening shot rang out and the man, Snapper was down on the ground, screaming writhing and holding a bleeding leg in his hands. Kyungsoo noticed the wound and with sickening clarity realized that the bullet had gone right through the man’s bone. He looked up carefully at the boy once more. His face was drained of all colour, like he couldn’t believe he had just shot someone and he looked close to throwing up. His hands shook violently.

“Impressive, kid! But I’m sure that was just beginner’s luck,” Kyungsoo father mock clapped. “I’m afraid since you used your gun, we have no choice but to kill you. Now, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo sighed. He may be cold hearted but he didn’t enjoy killing people. Plus, the thought of killing the boy made something in his heart constrict. But he couldn’t disobey his father and he fixed his cold gaze on the boy who immediately froze in terror. Kyungsoo took the first step and the boy quickly grabbed hold of the slider to pull it but Kyungsoo was faster. He wasn’t known as the best assassin at twelve for nothing. The gun clattered on the floor in a series of metallic clunks and the boy’s petrified yowl rang out as Kyungsoo pinned him to the ground, knee digging on his back.

“Stop struggling if you don’t want it to be painful,” Kyungsoo hissed as the boy thrashed about, pulling out his dagger with one hand and pinning the boy’s hands behind his back with the other. But as soon as Kyungsoo grabbed the boy’s right wrist the boy let out a pained scream and Kyungsoo realized something was not right.

“Father,” he began, not being able to hide the amazement in his voice. His father on the other hand tut-tutted impatiently.

“What is it Kyungsoo? Why haven’t you killed him yet?”

“Father, his right wrist was broken all this time,” Kyungsoo spoke out, trying to sound neutral so as to hide his disdain for the man. “He shot a gun with a broken hand.”

“Oh?” this time the man sounded interested and impressed. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “That’s interesting. He might be an asset after all.”

“Let me go!” the boy cried out squirming vehemently. Kyungsoo merely hissed and dug in his knee harder, making the boy yell in pain again.

“Father, let’s make a deal,” Kyungsoo stated calmly. “Let me have him. And I’ll make sure he behaves and turn him into the biggest asset our gang will ever have.”

He didn’t know why he was doing this. Never before had he disobeyed his father’s orders much less made demands or deals of any sort. But here he was, offering to train a stranger who was supposed to be dead. For some reason he couldn’t understand, Kyungsoo didn’t want the boy to die.

“Looks like you have taken quite a liking to him,” his father smirked. “Alright then, your birthday is coming up anyway. Consider this my birthday gift to you. Do whatever you want with him, as long as he is useful to the gang.”

The boy underneath him began sobbing loudly but Kyungsoo felt the tightness in his chest loosening. He smirked and held his chin up in defiance. “I will not disappoint you, Father.”

“Let me go,” the boy’s voice was softer, but no less stricken.

“You heard that?” Kyungsoo leaned down to whisper in his ear, making him flinch. “He is letting you live. You’re mine now. I won’t let anyone touch you.”

…………

The boy was named Park Chanyeol, as Kyungsoo later found out. He was the son of the secret agent who had been after their gang for some time. He remembered the agent well. An extremely persistent man. Even after his father had killed his comrades and then ultimately his wife as a warning, the man hadn’t stopped. Until, they went and slit his throat that night. Chanyeol would’ve been dead too if it wasn’t for Kyungsoo.

_“Why didn’t you just kill him in the very beginning?” Kyungsoo had questioned. “Why let him live and uncover so much of our trail all these years?”_

_His father had merely smirked. “Killing him so early on? Where would be the fun it that?”_

Kyungsoo shook out the thought of his father as he shifted the tray of food in his hands a little, in order to reach out for the key. The moment he pulled down the handle and the door clicked open he heard a yelp and a crash and then walked inside to an upturned chair and Chanyeol lying sprawled on the floor, groaning and cradling his arm that was now in a cast. The tiny window that was too high for short twelve year olds like them to reach was somehow wide open.

“Determined, aren’t you?” Kyungsoo raised his eyebrows nonchalantly, completely ignoring the glare Chanyeol sent his way. “I’m wondering how you thought you would be able to squeeze out of that tiny window.”

“I would be able to find a way out,” Chanyeol’s voice was low, but defiant. He however refused to meet Kyungsoo’s eyes, which amused the latter.

“Why don’t you say that after you’re able to look me in the eye, hmm?” he put the tray down and knelt to meet eye-to-eye with Chanyeol, who was now sitting up on the floor. “And besides, I wouldn’t recommend trying to escape out of here alone. You wouldn’t even make it through the first corridor itself.”

Kyungsoo took pleasure at the way Chanyeol’s face paled. But the boy still surprisingly kept up his defiance. It amused and impressed Kyungsoo to no end. “What’s the difference? Who’s to say you won’t kill me either?”

Oh? Was that a challenge? Well, shit. Kyungsoo grinned and held Chanyeol’s face with his index and thumb, forcing him to look up straight in the eyes. “I was the one who saved your life, kid,” he sneered softly, making the other flinch. “And I’m not going to let you die anytime soon. It’s been so long since I last got a plaything. You’re mine and mine alone. No one else gets to touch you. But you better keep to my good side because even if I won’t kill you, I can punish you.”

Kyungsoo was aware of his grip getting tighter and Chanyeol’s soft whimper was a confirmation. A few tears slid out of his eyes but he wisely didn’t pull any stupid move, like trying to punch or pushing away Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo nodded his head appreciatively. Chanyeol was smarter than he looked.

“Your training starts straightaway tomorrow so eat up and sleep early,” Kyungsoo said shortly before letting go and standing up. “Also, try not to do anything stupid tonight. You’re under heavy watch.”

“Why?” Chanyeol spoke out softly, making Kyungsoo stop on his tracks. There were still tears running down the former’s eyes and he looked more broken than defiant now. “Why didn’t you kill me? Why did you make that deal? Why did you save me?”

Kyungsoo paused, thought for a valid answer and realized that he didn’t have any. He shrugged nonchalantly and walked off. “You just intrigued me, that’s all.”

He tried to ignore the strange way that his heart squeezed.

^^^^^^^^


	2. Pride

Kyungsoo showed no mercy when he trained. Chanyeol may have had his right hand broken but Kyungsoo just made him use his left hand to practice shooting. He completely ignored the dirty glares Chanyeol sent his way and made him practice until his hand shook and trembled with exertion. Only when he was unable to even hold the gun due to the pain and dropped it to the ground with a cry of agony did Kyungsoo let him rest for some time.

“You shot a gun with a broken wrist,” Kyungsoo stated in the monotone that earned him more glares from Chanyeol. “Shooting a gun with your left hand should be cakewalk for you.”

“You’re a monster,” Chanyeol spat and it made Kyungsoo smile humorlessly.

“Thank you. I take that as a compliment.”

Chanyeol was however a fast learner, and very scared of Kyungsoo in spite of his defiance. By the end of the day, even if his hand was all blistered and shaking, he was able to hit the target. Even if it was nowhere near the center it was still a huge improvement.

“I find it hard to believe this is the first time you are formally learning how to shoot” Kyungsoo remarked as Chanyeol managed to hit the target for the fifth time in a row. “Most beginners get unsettled by the loud sound and the painful recoil itself and you hit targets with your left hand. Are you also a young assassin in disguise?”

Chanyeol scowled. “You don’t need to know anything.”

“Oh wait, I got it,” Kyungsoo snapped his fingers with a smirk. “Your dad was an agent. Did he teach you how to shoot by any chance?”

The mention of his father made Chanyeol visibly stiffen. His knuckles were white from gripping the gun too hard and Kyungsoo could see the suppressed rage and despair flicker through his face. He whipped around and held up his gun to point at Kyungsoo but blinked in shock as a small dagger sailed past his head. A lock of hair floated free from where the dagger had cut it and Chanyeol felt the tell-tale warmth of the blood flowing down the side of his face.

“Careful, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo wasn’t smiling anymore and his voice was colder than ice. “I might not be a marksman type but this is hardly far range. Also, I’m better with knives than you expect me to be. Next time you point your gun at your owner, you’ll find a dagger between your eyes.”

Chanyeol trembled and dropped the gun. His gaze dropped to the ground, face pale with shock and fear. Bringing a shaking hand he wiped the blood and stared at his fingers that were now stained with it.  

Kyungsoo observed the silent boy for a bit before walking forward and holding his chin up. “Submit to me,” he whispered, trying to make the other look at him. “If you submit to me and do as I tell you, then maybe I won’t have to hurt you.”

Chanyeol didn’t answer and instead squeezed his eyes shut, refusing to meet Kyungsoo in the eye. His lip trembled and his breath came in short gasps. Tears ran down and mixed with the blood already in his face. He was hyperventilating.

Kyungsoo regarded him coldly before stepping back. “Enough for today,” he announced, ignoring how Chanyeol crumpled to the ground, shivering. “We will continue tomorrow.”

……………

Having a trainee under him meant Kyungsoo had to visit his father every day, in order to drop reports about how much progress Chanyeol made. He hated seeing the man who was supposed to be his own flesh and blood but he didn’t have much of a choice because the man was also ruthless. Kyungsoo hated admitting it but he was afraid of his father as well as had a sick and twisted desire to make him proud despite hating him.

He sighed as he returned from the fourth report meeting with his father that week, a little frustrated and wanting nothing but a good sleep before beginning a training session again the next day. Kyungsoo thought Chanyeol was making pretty good progress for a guy with a broken hand. It was already two weeks but their gang doctor had said that it wasn’t enough for Chanyeol’s hand to be healed. Yet despite that, Chanyeol had worked on with a quiet determination, quickly getting used to shooting with his left hand so much so that his hand didn’t tremble anymore and he could shoot the target much nearer to the center. Kyungsoo could say he was pretty pleased with the results. But his father was an annoyingly impatient man.

As he walked nearer to the door of the room that housed his “trainee” Kyungsoo found himself pausing. The door was ajar. Over the two weeks Chanyeol had also tried escaping countless times but nearly got himself blown to bits every time to the point that he had given up trying and quietly surrendered to his fate. Soon they no longer found the need to lock his door. There were muffled sounds coming from the room and Kyungsoo found the urge to peek inside overtaking him.

He saw Chanyeol lying on his side on the mat bed they had provided him, covered by his blanket. But the boy was clearly not asleep. The blanket covered lump heaved jerkily in an unsynchronized way and Kyungsoo came to a realization that Chanyeol was crying. The soft sobs reached his ears as soon as he realized that.

It wasn’t the first time that Kyungsoo was seeing him cry. Chanyeol in all honesty cried a lot. He cried during training, cried when Kyungsoo intimidated him (even if he still managed to look at the other in defiance despite his tears) and sometimes just cried for no reason when Kyungsoo so much as looked at him. But this was the first time Chanyeol sounded this heart-broken as he cried.

Chanyeol cried for a long time. He clutched at his blanket and shuddered as he mumbled something about his parents and couldn’t stop the tears that continued flowing down his face. And Kyungsoo sat outside his room with his back pressed to the wall and listened to him until he cried himself to sleep. Several of the other passing gang members stared in confusion when they saw Kyungsoo sitting like that but he only had to give them his characteristic cold look for them to be scrambling away.

Kyungsoo himself didn’t understand why he was there, sitting and listening to Chanyeol cry but he found himself unable to move for some reason. He stood up when the crying subsided and walked into the room. Chanyeol was fast asleep but he looked anything but peaceful. His eyebrows were scrunched and face blotchy with tears and snot and he still held the blanket in a tight grip. Kyungsoo stood staring at the boy for a long time. He found himself wondering if Chanyeol cried himself to sleep like this every day.

 

Weeks turned into a month and then two months and Chanyeol’s broken wrist was finally completely healed. By this time he was completely adept in using a gun with his left hand and then Kyungsoo moved on to train him on using his right hand too. That took him even lesser time to master, proving Kyungsoo’s suspicion of the boy having trained before in shooting right. Soon Chanyeol was learning how to shoot more powerful guns that needed an even greater sense of control. Every time he succeeded in something, Kyungsoo felt a strange rush of _something_ filling him. He had little idea of what it was but Kyungsoo began looking forward to pushing Chanyeol more and seeing him succeed.

Eventually he decided that shooting wasn’t the only thing Chanyeol needed to learn.

“What are we doing here?” Chanyeol asked suspiciously as he looked around at the old warehouse they were in. It had boarded up windows and worn down mats covering the floor. “Aren’t I supposed to be training?”

“We are training,” Kyungsoo confirmed as he pulled off his coat and threw it away. “You think shooting is the only thing you need to be learning? Far range doesn’t always help, you know.”

Chanyeol watched warily even as Kyungsoo rolled up the sleeves of the sweat shirt underneath and stood in a stance. He seemed to have realized what they were going to train in. “So…..I will have to train in martial arts now?”

“Smart boy. I want to know how much basics you know. I am not going to believe your dad taught you shooting but didn’t teach you basic martial arts,” Kyungsoo smirked and made a motion with his hands. “Now come at me.”

Chanyeol, as always had stiffened up when Kyungsoo talked about his father. He had a glare planted already on his face as he pulled off his own ratty hoodie, bounced a little on his feet twice and rushed at Kyungsoo. He aimed a quick roundhouse but Kyungsoo easily caught his leg midair and swept his other feet off the ground with his own sweeping kick. Chanyeol let out an undignified squawk before landing hard on the ground. He was suddenly grateful for the presence of the mats.

“Kick is not bad but you’re too predictable,” Kyungsoo stated coolly. “At least you know how to break your fall. You won’t end up with more broken bones.”

Chanyeol growled and quickly shot up to his feet and immediately aimed a side kick, trying to aim at Kyungsoo’s hip but to his visible horror, Kyungsoo side-stepped and caught his leg again and tugged hard. With a yell, Chanyeol found himself sprawled on the floor once again.

“A _yoko geri_ huh! So you trained in Shotokan karate,” Kyungsoo stated calmly once again. “Up. How long are you gonna lie there eating the dust. Don’t you want to kill me for talking about your father?”

Chanyeol tensed for a bit and bristled all over. He was immediately up and attacking Kyungsoo once more. He launched himself with a yell and grabbed Kyungsoo’s waist and arm.

“What are you trying to do?” Kyungsoo’s voice was filled with mocking amusement. “Are you seriously trying to execute a judo throw with that sloppy stance?”

And then suddenly the positions were flipped and Chanyeol found himself on the ground once more. Kyungsoo had thrown him with a perfect judo hip throw. “Up!” his voice was harder now. “You’re a pathetic excuse of a martial artist.”

Chanyeol sprang to his feet and rushed with another livid yell, but he only stretched out his hand to make a grab at Kyungsoo before his own arm got grabbed and locked and suddenly he was airborne for a few seconds before he hit the floor hard again. An _Ippon Seoi Nage_ , a perfectly executed shoulder throw. Kyungsoo saw him gasping and shaking his head to get his bearings. He was clearly winded.

“Spent already?” Kyungsoo sneered. “A loser, aren’t you? Now I’m wondering if I should’ve saved you at all.”

Chanyeol launched out again, much to Kyungsoo’s amusement and tried to grab hold of his arm while at the same time hooking his own other arm under Kyungsoo’s armpit. But he was a tad too slow and suddenly Kyungsoo had him in a choke-hold.

“Don’t you know attempting an _Ippon seoi nage_ when you’re this winded is just signing your own death warrant?” Kyungsoo mocked while Chanyeol gasped and frantically slapped his arm. “I take back what I said. You’re not smart at all.”

He only let go when Chanyeol was on the verge of blacking out and Chanyeol landed on his hands and knees, gasping in breaths and coughing.

“Pathetic,” Kyungsoo scoffed. “Get up, Chanyeol! Show me you were worth saving!”

Chanyeol glared at him with tears in his eyes and stood up once again. He took in a few deep breaths and executed another roundhouse kick which Kyungsoo immediately dodged. But Chanyeol changed and shot out his other leg in a side kick and Kyungsoo jumped back in order to avoid it. Chanyeol quickly closed in the gap and attacked next with a front punch and a hook punch one after another which Kyungsoo managed to block and then grabbed hold of Chanyeol’s collar, attempting another Judo throw. But Chanyeol seemed to guess what the other was attempting and shoved both his hands between Kyungsoo’s own and pushed them away before quickly grabbing Kyungsoo’s shirt, dropping backward and then meeting Kyungsoo’s belly with his foot in order to execute a circle throw. Kyungsoo quickly broke the fall and skillfully switched positions so that his legs were wrapped around Chanyeol’s neck and shoulders and he was held in another choke-hold.

“Good attempt on the _tomoe nage_ but you’re not quick enough in switching,” Kyungsoo was barely out of breath as he spoke. He was used to much worse than this. “At this rate, you’re gonna die getting choked.”

Chanyeol grunted in reply and slapped the floor hard, asking to be let go but Kyungsoo tightened his hold just a bit more. He only let go when Chanyeol’s tapping got more urgent.

The both of them separated and Chanyeol was immediately launching attacks again. He used a succession of spin kicks, hook kicks and jumping front kicks all of which Kyungsoo either dodged or blocked. Then he attacked with fast punches in an even quicker succession and Kyungsoo finally had a bit of a struggle blocking them, also having exhausted himself a little after executing all the throws previously. In his haste to block and dodge he failed to notice that Chanyeol was in fact closing the gap between them and only realized too late when Chanyeol’s hands suddenly got a grip of his collar. Kyungsoo’s eyes widened for a fraction of second even as Chanyeol smirked and moved forward. Kyungsoo suddenly felt his legs being swept off the ground and he landed hard on the worn mats. Chanyeol was immediately upon him, pinning him and preventing him from moving.

Both of their chests heaved from the exertion and the quiet warehouse was filled with their heavy pants. Chanyeol hovered above, knees straddling Kyungsoo’s hips and legs and hands firmly holding down his arms. His forehead was shining with sweat and eyes wide as well as blazing with something Kyungsoo couldn’t explain. Chanyeol’s eyebrows then furrowed and he scowled. “What’s so funny, asshole?”

Then Kyungsoo realized to his shock that he himself was _smiling_. It was a very foreign thing to experience because he didn’t remember the last time he had smiled. It felt wrong on his face and his cheeks hurt from using the face muscles he had rarely used before. But Kyungsoo couldn’t help but smile.

“This was entertaining,” he merely answered nonchalantly. “You win this one, Park.”

Chanyeol’s frown cleared and his eyes lit up, looked alive for the first time since Kyungsoo saw him. Then his lips stretched in his own wide smile. Kyungsoo couldn’t help but notice the cute dimple that poked out on his cheek. Then Chanyeol stopped and looked confused instead, about why he had smiled.  “So, that means I’m stronger than you, huh.”

Kyungsoo barked out a laugh. “Wishful thinking, you loser! I wasn’t fighting seriously,” he said as he pushed Chanyeol off and easily stood to his feet. “Your techniques are so sloppy you’re even gonna make a white-belt cry.”

This time when Kyungsoo walked forward, Chanyeol followed him without being prompted. Almost like a lost puppy. And he didn’t know if the other felt it too, but Kyungsoo realized he felt a certain camaraderie with Chanyeol. Also when he thought about Chanyeol executing a close to perfect circle throw and the final element of surprise he had used, Kyungsoo felt his chest getting full and felt himself smile again. He had never experienced this feeling before. Maybe, he thought, just maybe this was what feeling proud of someone felt like. And it honestly confused him. A lot.

^^^^^^^^^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah well, so i know it was martial arts heavy in this chapter and i'll have to admit i used to learn once upon a time. never got too far though. in case you didn't understand:  
> shotokan karate is a form of karate. yes, there are different forms but it will take me too long to explain  
> yoko geri basically means side kick where you turn sideways and execute the kick. the point of contact is the blade of your foot  
> hip throw is a type of judo throw where you throw a person over your hip  
> ippon seoi nage is a shoulder throw. most attractive throw in all of judo and probably the one throw everyone wants to master. also its the throw which cost kyungsoo his eyesight in Hyung, for easy reference.  
> tomoe nage is a circle throw or stomach throw where you drop backward and use your foot to push your opponent's stomach ad throw him/her over your head.  
> the last move which chanyeol uses on soo is the deashi guruma/harai or the front foot sweep. this is easy. you just grab your opponent's collar and arm, move forward and sweep their feet off with your own foot causing them to fall.
> 
> there you go! and yes i'm a nerd, please ignore me. but leave me kudos and reviews if you think i deserve them ^^


	3. Fear

Time passed in a blur and soon it was more than a year of Chanyeol being under Kyungsoo’s tutelage. His skill levels shot up to much greater heights and Kyungsoo felt that he would be ready to undertake missions soon enough. Along with the usual drug deals and weapon smuggling, their gang also provided with assassination jobs if their clients were rich enough and willing to pay a lot. That was the field Kyungsoo specialized in and with Chanyeol’s skyrocketing skills on shooting and sniping, he was sure his father would rope in the guy into being an assassin too.

While Chanyeol’s shooting improved to the point that he could shoot two targets at once and hit them both as well as control more powerful guns much better and also grew in physical strength and stamina, Kyungsoo couldn’t say the same about the boy’s mental strength. Chanyeol zoned out a lot. He didn’t cry as much but he also stopped fighting altogether. He let Kyungsoo nearly batter him during their martial arts training without putting up much resistance like he normally would. He grew quieter than he usually was and ate even lesser. He cried in his sleep when no one was looking (Kyungsoo would know because after the first time it had become a sort of habit for him to sit outside Chanyeol’s room and listen to him.) Kyungsoo couldn’t for his life understand what the boy was going through.

It was by unexpected chance that Kyungsoo found out what was going on with the other boy. It was after a particularly grueling training session, all throughout which Chanyeol was out of focus and getting beat up left and right until Kyungsoo stopped in exasperation and called it a day, threatening Chanyeol to better focus the next time they met for another session. He had to begrudgingly visit his father and report that the day hadn’t gone too well in training.

“I hope you’re not wasting your time on a failure, Kyungsoo,” his father spoke with a mocking look all the while he left a trail of lewd touches on the woman that was seated on his lap and grinding against him, making all sorts of obscene sounds. This was another reason why Kyungsoo hated visiting his father. Every time the boy came by the room, the man had a new woman with him. It disgusted him to no end when he thought of the way his father touched these women. “As much as I like assets joining our gang, I’m not sure I like the idea of having the son of my once-enemy under my roof.”

“I assure you Chanyeol has made incredible progress,’ Kyungsoo said through gritted teeth, pointedly looking anywhere but his father. “He is probably just tired and hence losing focus. His stamina building still needs a bit of work. But I have not met another person who is so good with guns. It’s only been a year but he can even control a machine gun without being jarred by the recoil.”

“Well, I will take your word then,” his father said with a smirk and then turned his full attention towards the woman. “Now leave, Kyungsoo. I have work to do.”

Kyungsoo left only too gladly, wanting to do anything to erase the image of his father’s tongue in the woman’s mouth. He shuddered as he thought about it, wondering how his father even found pleasure in touching a woman that way. He entered the hideout kitchen on the way, grabbing the tray of food the cook had prepared for Chanyeol and quickly made his way to the boy’s bedroom. Balancing the tray on his hip, he pulled down the handle and entered just in time to see Chanyeol slit his wrist.

The tray of food met the linoleum floor with a crash as Kyungsoo rushed forward and knocked the knife out of Chanyeol’s hand. He briefly wondered where the boy had even gotten the blade from but Chanyeol didn’t give him longer to contemplate as he thrashed about and struggled in Kyungsoo’s hold, splattering the blood that flowed from his wrist all around. Kyungsoo snarled and quickly overpowering Chanyeol, pinned him to the bed (they had gotten him a proper bed instead of the mat bed now). The blood immediately began soaking the sheets.

“What do you think you’re doing Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo growled, nearly livid with anger and another emotion he couldn’t quite well decipher. He was suddenly aware of how fast his heart was racing. “What are doing slitting your wrist, thinking you can die under my watch. Are you stupid?”

Chanyeol stared up at him as Kyungsoo hovered above, eyes shining with unshed tears and looking so broken that Kyungsoo felt a punch to his chest. “I’ve had enough.”

“So you choose the coward’s way out?!” Kyungsoo had no idea why he was so furious.

“Yes! Because dying is better than living anyway!” Chanyeol shouted back and this time the tears escaped from his eyes. “I don’t have anything to live for. My mom’s dead and now my father is too. You guys took everything from me! And I’m here, training to be one of you, you who killed my parents. I’d rather die!”

Chanyeol’s breathing was ragged as he finished, chest heaving up and down and tears flowing from his eyes like they had no intention of stopping. Kyungsoo’s eyes flitted to his wrist and heave a secret sigh of relief. It wasn’t deep enough to kill the boy. He gazed back towards Chanyeol’s face and realized that he was still staring at him with that broken and almost pleading look. Kyungsoo’s heart twisted in a foreign yet familiar way.

“Let me go, Kyungsoo. Let me go so that I can go to where my parents are,” Chanyeol whispered. “Please.”

“And lose my only chance of proving my father wrong? No thank you,” Kyungsoo let out a harsh laugh. “You’re finally a decision I took without my father having to dictate it. I’m not letting you die any time soon, especially not by your own hands.”

Chanyeol’s face hardened at that and he violently lurched, trying to get out from underneath Kyungsoo. “You selfish bastard.”

“What? Did you expect a saint when I took you in?” Kyungsoo cocked an eyebrow. “You really are stupid, Park Chanyeol.”

“What would you know?” Chanyeol screamed, trying to break free but Kyungsoo was too strong for him. “You never had your parents killed! You never got kidnapped and forced to train into being a criminal! What would you know about what I’m feeling?!”

“That’s because I have no one to lose and I have absolutely no love for my father,” Kyungsoo seethed and Chanyeol stopped struggling for once. “I’m probably an illegitimate child from one of those women my _father_ is always fucking and I’m not even a son, but a tool to him. You think I love a father like him?! At least you had a father you could love and respect!”

Kyungsoo had no idea why he was even talking about this. He never talked about himself much less about his hatred for his father. Nor did he complain about a fucked up family but he was doing that now. At least it seemed to have shut Chanyeol up. “If you thought I took you in and trained you for my father, then you’re dead wrong, Chanyeol. I’m doing it for myself. Don’t you want to kill my father too? Take revenge for killing your dad?”

“I don’t care about revenge. I don’t want to kill anyone,” Chanyeol sobbed out. “I just want to go home.”

“Then let’s make a deal,” Kyungsoo stated calmly. “We both train and we both get stronger. And when the time comes, I will defeat my father and you will help me win. If my father is no longer there then you can also go home.”

Chanyeol swallowed and turned away. Then he answered in the softest voice possible. “Okay.”

“Good,” Kyungsoo climbed off of him and then helped him sit up. Then he fetched a first aid box from the nearest washroom and helped in dressing Chanyeol’s wound. “You’re a fucking idiot if you wanted to die. Your dad taught you how to shoot because he wanted you to survive. So _survive_!”

Chanyeol didn’t answer and when Kyungsoo looked up, he saw the boy biting his lip and trying to hold back his tears. They spilled nevertheless and he brought up his other uninjured hand to cover his mouth. “I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo didn’t know who he was apologizing to. So he stayed silent all the while Chanyeol sobbed. For some strange reason he still held on to his wrist even though he was done dressing and bandaging it.

As he walked out of the room after Chanyeol had stopped crying and the wound was taken care of, he recalled seeing the boy slitting his wrists and spilling his blood everywhere and his heart sped up again. Kyungsoo had seen blood too many times to count but he had no idea why he was breaking out in cold sweat as he thought about Chanyeol nearly dying. He had never predicted the boy would try to take his own life.

……………

“I’ll be assigning the first mission to your boy, Kyungsoo,” his father’s voice sounded bored but Kyungsoo’s head nevertheless perked up. “Judging from all your reports, he sounds ready for a mission.”

“Will he be doing it alone?” Kyungsoo asked tentatively. “He’s good with guns but he doesn’t really have real experience shooting and killing anyone.”

The man’s laugh was booming and Kyungsoo almost flinched. “Of course, I won’t send him alone!” he sneered. “I still don’t trust that runt. You’ll be going with him. And I know he ain’t got any experience so that’s why I have set a mission that’s to have no attacking involved, that is if you guys are lucky. He only needs to prove how vigilant and quick he can be.”

Kyungsoo felt relieved if he were to be honest. “And so….what is the mission?”

His father smirked. “You remember the mole we planted amongst those damned Black Suits? Well, he is coming back with all the info we needed tomorrow,” he stated casually. “It’s your and that runt’s job to receive all the info from him and bring it back here safe and sound.”

Kyungsoo frowned. The job sounded too easy. But he wasn’t going to disobey his father’s orders yet. “Alright then, father. We will head out soon.”

He walked thoughtfully towards Chanyeol’s room, carrying the paper with the mission details and thought back to what his father had said. The Black Suits were just a nickname they gave to their enemy mafia gang because they liked to be classy and wear expensive looking suits for everything. The “mole” his father had talked about had been sent as an undercover from their own gang around a year or two back because Kyungsoo’s father suspected the Black Suits to be smuggling some new kind of drug that could possibly threaten their own business and he needed to investigate if it was indeed true.

“Oi,” Kyungsoo called out as soon as he opened the door without knocking as usual, giving Chanyeol a scare. “We finally got your first mission. You better not screw this up.”

Chanyeol’s eyes were blown wide behind his glasses as he registered what the other was saying and took the paper with the mission details. “I have…..a mission?”

“Yes,” Kyungsoo deadpanned and motioned for him to read the paper. “We will be setting out at midnight because the guy is meeting us at the warehouses near the pier at 2 in the morning. So, be prepared.”

Chanyeol swallowed. “We won’t have to…..kill anyone, will we?”

“It depends,” Kyungsoo shrugged. “Usually missions like these shouldn’t be too dangerous since it only involves collecting information but the mole can also very well be followed and found out by the other gang and then they might try to attack us too. But it depends. Best to go prepared.”

Chanyeol went a little pale as soon as Kyungsoo said that but he merely nodded and began reading through the paper.

 

They set out for the pier as soon as the clock struck 12:00, well bundled up in black clothes and face masks. It was a full moon that night and uncannily bright. Kyungsoo kept his dagger close and also kept several smaller extra ones up his sleeves and in his boots. He knew Chanyeol was also carrying two guns under his coat, looking nervous and skittishly checking repeatedly all around himself. It was around 1:00 AM when they finally reached the deserted pier with its looming warehouses on either side and prepared themselves for a long wait in one of the smaller mysteriously unlocked warehouses where the mission plan had advised them to wait.

“You better keep your eyes peeled, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo muttered in a low voice. “I’m not the best at look-out duty because I have bad vision.”

Chanyeol gave him an incredulous look. “Are you serious?!”

“Totally.”

“Why don’t you just get glasses then?” Chanyeol shook his head in disbelief and went on checking out of the window if there was any sign of anyone. “Gosh, how do you even do stuff then? I wear glasses and I can’t do anything without them.”

“I’m trained in close combat. Glasses prove to be a pain in the ass when you’re fighting hand to hand,” scoffed Kyungsoo. “Besides my other senses are really good, I rely on them.”

“Then just use contacts!”

“Can’t. Astigmatism makes it worse if you use contacts.”

“Goodness! That’s all the more reason why you should have glasses!”

Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes and was just about to reply something else when there came five short knocks on the warehouse door and two longer ones. The signal code that the mission plan had described. Kyungsoo and Chanyeol looked at each other and then nodded. Together they dashed to the doors and cautiously pulled it open to reveal the person on the other side, wearing a black hoodie with its hood up and a face mask. He quickly slithered inside as soon as the door opened and then closed it just as quickly as he had entered.

He turned to face them and pulled off his face mask to show a permanently frowning face with a scar on his lip. He gave a grunt when he saw Kyungsoo. “So, Boss sent you instead.”

“And hello to you too, mole.”

“It’s Tora,” the man answered snippily and then turned his gaze at Chanyeol. “And who is this other brat that I’ve never seen before?”

“He is a new recruit. Good with guns,” Kyungsoo answered easily. “Now have you got the information that we needed?”

“Yes, almost all of it,” the man, Tora, muttered and shoved his hand into his breast pocket to bring out a flash drive. He handed it over to Kyungsoo who quickly pocketed it. “Turns out the new drug business thingy is actually true and it’s underway. But they haven’t begun it in a large scale yet because they are still preparing some stuff so they don’t have too many clients. That drive contains all the details of all the clients and details about what the business is about. It’s not too late. Boss can still crush the whole thing while it’s still not a completely established business.”

“Alright, I will relay it to him,” Kyungsoo nodded his head. “And what about you? Will you be going back to being a mole?”

“About that,” Tora looked behind him with a nervous frown. “I think they suspect me. So I need you to tell Boss that he needs to relocate me fast. Otherwise they are gonna have me killed.”

Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes. That did not sound good. “You have been careless. Are you sure no one followed you while you came here?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I made sure,” Tora nodded as he spoke. “I don’t think anyone followed m—“

The glass of the nearest window shattered and Chanyeol couldn’t stop the yelp that escaped from him. Kyungsoo stared in shock as Tora toppled sideways, the bullet going clean through his temple. A headshot. Which would only mean.

“A fucking sniper!” Kyungsoo yelled and whirled around to shove a shock-frozen Chanyeol and himself behind some of the crates that were stored in the warehouse before another bullet hit the spot where Kyungsoo was standing only a few minutes back. “Get moving, you idiot! This is not the time to go into a shock!”

There came a loud bang from the door, and then another one before something shot through the lock and broke it. Kyungsoo cursed. There were more. He acted fast, whipping out a throwing knife and flicked it towards the first man who entered before he could even react. The knife pierced through the man’s neck and he collapsed to the ground, sputtering up blood. But Kyungsoo realized that they were too near to the door and needed to look for a better cover. The second man entered just then, giving Kyungsoo too little time to grab a second knife. Kyungsoo turned urgently to Chanyeol who was still in a kind of shock.

“We need to find a better cover,” he whispered. “Chanyeol come on, take out your gun.”

Chanyeol nodded jerkily and took out one of his guns. He quietly loaded it and then handed Kyungsoo his other gun. “Better than throwing knives,” he whispered back and then braced himself against the crate they were hiding behind. Kyungsoo noticed his hands shaking. He seemed close to hyperventilating.

The man was approaching towards their direction cautiously, his gun ready and eyes alert. Both Kyungsoo and Chanyeol didn’t dare to start shooting because that would mean giving away their position. As soon as the man turned the other side for the slightest bit though, the two made a dash for another crate. Chanyeol quickly pulled the slider and shot as soon as the man whipped around. His hands were terribly shaky and he missed. He ducked behind the crate as soon as the man started shooting.

“Dammit!” Chanyeol gritted his teeth. There were tears shining in the corner of his eyes, the moonlight glinting off of it.

“Shoot as soon as the man pauses,” Kyungsoo instructed calmly and Chanyeol nodded to show he had heard. Just as he said that, the man stopped, possibly to reload and Chanyeol took the chance. He swung out and took aim. He made exactly two precise shots and there was a howl of pain before a metallic clatter echoed throughout the entire expanse of the warehouse. Chanyeol didn’t pause for a second, cocked his gun again and once more shot four times in quick succession and the man gave another series of blood-curdling howls before there came a bodily thud. The man still screamed.

Chanyeol walked out in the open, going into a shock once more as the peak of his adrenaline rush died down. His hands shook violently and he was breathing fast, eyes blown wide and tears running down the side of his face. He was hyperventilating again. The silvery moonlight filtering through the broken glass panes of the warehouse windows illuminated the whole boy and Kyungsoo was slightly in awe. In awe of how fast Chanyeol had reacted despite being terrified.

“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo called out amidst the man’s screams. “Why haven’t you killed him?”

Chanyeol didn’t respond, eyes still wide in shock and staring at the man in front of him writhing in pain. Kyungsoo thought he looked a little ethereal with the moonlight hitting him in just the right way.

Moonlight? Something filtered through Kyungsoo’s mind and he suddenly realized Chanyeol stood right in front of the window. He quickly looked out and his blood ran cold when he caught sight of a metallic glint from the roof of the nearest warehouse. The sniper.

“CHANYEOL!” Kyungsoo launched out without thinking just as the boy whipped around to look at him and tackled him to the ground. There came the sound of glass shattering for the second time that night and then Kyungsoo felt a searing white hot pain on his left shoulder. He couldn’t stop the cry that ripped out of his mouth. It broke Chanyeol out of his shock.

“Kyungsoo!” he shrieked immediately going to the said boy and pulling him away from the window and behind a crate. “Oh my god! Shit! Kyungsoo! KYUNGSOO!”

Kyungsoo felt lightheaded with the pain and he could only just make out Chanyeol shaking him, tears in his eyes and a panicked expression. There was an annoying insistent ringing in his ears. Chanyeol’s constant yelling wasn’t helping.

“Oh my god, shut up you idiot!” he grit out of his teeth. “I’m not going to die! _Do_ something about that sniper out there!”

His vision and hearing cleared just then and he saw Chanyeol’s face right in front of him, tears still running down in rivulets. But this time he wore a relieved smile. “You’re alright!” he sobbed out. “You’re alright! Thank goodness!”

“Of course, idiot. I’m not gonna die tonight,” Kyungsoo grumbled and then winced. He had a lot of experience but this was the first ever time he had gotten shot. Usually he was more careful. “Now tell me why didn’t you kill that other man?”

This time Chanyeol winced and he looked down with immense guilt. “I c…couldn’t. I can’t kill,” he stammered. “But….I…I shot his elbows….tendons ripped. His…his fingers are crushed. He won’t ever be able to use his dom…dominant hand anymore. And his…knee caps are blown t….too.” Chanyeol broke down into more sobs, clearly out of the guilt.

Kyungsoo could only stare at him. At the sobbing, guilt-wrecked Chanyeol who had inflicted some of the cruelest possible injuries on a person. He began thinking that the nervous cry-baby with round nerdy glasses and curly black hair wasn’t just a shooting prodigy but something much more.

“Chanyeol,” he tried to speak as calmly as possible. It was during these situations that Kyungsoo felt thankful for not having strong emotions. “Listen, you need to take care of that sniper otherwise we will never be able to escape. I would do it myself but long range isn’t my thing at all. So you need to calm down and do it.”

Chanyeol nodded his head while he wiped his tears. “I…I observed the surroundings when we were waiting for the…the guy to arrive. There are only two other warehouses in the vicinity from whose roof shooting with a sniper would be possible. This is….this is the warehouse at the very end and it is open grounds on the other side. But….I need a more powerful gun.”

Kyungsoo nodded, once again amazed by Chanyeol’s perceptiveness. It only confirmed his suspicions that Chanyeol wasn’t completely a normal kid. “The first guy I killed? He looks like he has a powerful enough gun.”

Chanyeol nodded. “I was t…thinking of using it.”

“Then go on. Do it,” Kyungsoo urged. “Or do you need me to help?”

“You’re injured. Please stay here,” Chanyeol’s voice was soft, very unlike the defiant tone he usually used with Kyungsoo. “I’ll do it.”

As soon as he said that, he shot out of hiding, making straight for the body that lay right next to the entrance door. Just as he passed the window he did a sudden dive and roll and the glass shattered for the third time, missing Chanyeol and hitting the concrete floor. He reached the dead man and quickly pulled him up, confusing Kyungsoo as to what he was doing until a fourth glass pane shattered and the bullet hit the already dead man. Chanyeol was using the corpse as a shield. The boy fumbled a little while he grabbed the gun but quickly gained his composure and while still somehow balancing the heavy dead body on his smaller frame he rushed towards the window. Kyungsoo strained to peak around the crates but Chanyeol was already out of sight.

There was a momentary stretch of silence during which Kyungsoo waited with bated breath. And then suddenly a series of continuous shots rang out, which Kyungsoo guessed was Chanyeol. It continued for a bit before there came a faint crash from outside and Kyungsoo saw Chanyeol suddenly sprint towards the door and run out. Soon after, there came the sound of gunshots from outside.

Kyungsoo stood up with a bit of a struggle, grimacing when sharp pain shot through his wounded shoulder and awkwardly readied the gun Chanyeol had given him. He began making for the door, a little delirious with the pain but still functioning. On the way, he shot the man who was still writhing about on the floor, whimpering and crying and granted him a bit of mercy through death.

When he was out of the warehouse, he saw Chanyeol some way off, standing still with the gun and panting. A body lay in front of him, writhing and crying. It seemed like the sniper was already caught. Chanyeol had made quick work of him.

Kyungsoo walked towards them decisively, making Chanyeol’s head whip up and look towards him. “Kyungsoo…”

Kyungsoo aimed and then pulled the trigger, shooting the bullet straight through the fallen sniper’s skull. His cries stop and his writhing body stilled, instant death greeting him. Kyungsoo turned to see Chanyeol staring at him, mouth hanging open in what looked like shock and terror.

“I’ll kill when you can’t,” Kyungsoo merely said, with his trademark calmness. “We are supposed to work as a team after all.”

Chanyeol swallowed. “I think….I’m…I’m going to…” he walked a few metres off and threw up. The still air of the night was filled with the sound of his heaving coughs. Kyungsoo sighed and suddenly his shoulder felt heavier. No doubt it was the effect of the adrenaline wearing off.

“Let’s get out of here, Chanyeol,” he said tiredly once the other boy was done emptying all the contents of his stomach and coming back with shaky legs. “We need to go before anyone else comes.”

Chanyeol nodded weakly and they both began their exhausted trek back. Kyungsoo looked at his watch while they walked. The dial showed that it was a quarter to four. Thankfully, it was autumn and the night stretched on late so the sun wouldn’t be coming up any time soon. Kyungsoo flipped open the top of the watch and pressed a small red button before putting it back in place.

“What was that?” Chanyeol asked, sounding curious but at the same time exhausted.

“It’s a signal thingy,” Kyungsoo answered. “To let the guys back in the base know that there is a clean-up in need after a killing spree.”

Somewhere in the way back Kyungsoo began drifting in and out of consciousness because the throbbing pain on his shoulder was almost unbearable. He also suspected it was because of blood loss since neither he nor Chanyeol got the time to stop the blood flow and just forgot about it as soon as the fighting stopped. Kyungsoo was only vaguely aware of Chanyeol supporting him all the way back before he blacked out for good.

When he woke up, he found himself in his bed covered with a duvet and shoulder already bandaged and the bullet taken out. Still a little lightheaded but much more awake, he turned to look to his side and saw Chanyeol sitting on a chair next to his bed, sleeping in an extremely uncomfortable position. When Kyungsoo shifted on his bed to get a better look at the guy, Chanyeol’s eyes fluttered open and he blearily looked at Kyungsoo but quickly sat up when he saw that Kyungsoo was awake.

“Kyungsoo!” he spoke out, voice hushed and a little scratchy. “Are you okay now?”

“My head hurts,” Kyungsoo admitted and sat up with a groan. Chanyeol looked like he wanted to help him but he didn’t reach out. “So…did you give the flash drive to my father?”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol fidgeted as he spoke. He looked a little uncomfortable. “He wasn’t….very pleased that you were injured.”

“I thought so,” Kyungsoo let out a bitter laugh. “Man, I’m in trouble.”

“Why did you do it?” Chanyeol’s voice was soft as he asked that. He refused to meet Kyungsoo in the eyes. “You…you never seemed like the kind to risk your life to save someone. And I had asked around about you a little. Everyone said your top priority is always your missions and you wouldn’t care if a comrade died. You….with your skill, you would be able to easily deal with the sniper too so, I’m not gonna believe you saved me because I had to deal with the sniper. So….why?”

“It’s not important,” Kyungsoo waved it aside, almost smirking at Chanyeol’s indignant expression. “Tell me first what my father told you when you went to meet him.”

“He…he didn’t say much because he was…um,” Chanyeol blushed a little and it didn’t take much for Kyungsoo to guess what his father had been doing when he called to boy to deliver his report. “He just asked me to tell him every detail of how the mission went and when I was done, he told me I was finally officially a member of…of the gang.”

“That shameless asshole,” Kyungsoo grumbled and it brought a small smile on Chanyeol’s face. That small smile was enough to make a strange sensation bubble up in Kyungsoo’s chest, one he had no idea how to explain. Suddenly, Kyungsoo wanted Chanyeol to smile more. But he quickly pushed aside the thought and turned to the boy, meaning to ask what had been troubling him since the mission. “I have a question for you though.”

Chanyeol looked at him warily, like he was afraid of what Kyungsoo was going to ask.

“You’re not a normal kid, are you?” Kyungsoo gauged Chanyeol’s reaction and noticed when the boy immediately stiffened. “You purposefully shot those guys in the most fatal areas because you didn’t want to kill them. Destroying elbows and knee caps are not only hard but can render a person’s limbs absolutely useless. Plus your quick thinking and strategizing ain’t normal either. So tell me, Chanyeol. What are you?”

Chanyeol immediately clamped up, face hardening and an unreadable look coming in his eyes. He turned away. “It’s nothing you should know about.”

Kyungsoo smirked. While Chanyeol sounded determined, the usual bite and harshness in his words was missing. He could tell that the boy was beginning to soften towards him. Kyungsoo felt a strange thrill in that realization. “Alright, do whatever suits. You’ll tell me one day anyway.”

“Stuck-up bastard,” Chanyeol merely muttered, making Kyungsoo smirk once more.

There was silence between them after that as Kyungsoo stared out of the window in contemplation and Chanyeol dozed off on his chair once again. Kyungsoo’s thoughts were a mess as he recalled Chanyeol’s questions and his own rash actions. Why had he done that indeed? In all the years he had been doing missions, his father had especially taken care in training him to be a hardened person without any emotions. He didn’t care if comrades died. He thought it was better if the useless ones perished early. His first and foremost goal was self-preservation as well as completing a mission. And yet he had thrown himself in the path of danger and taken the bullet for a boy he had only met a year ago. He could recall as clear as day the dreadful feeling that went through his body and the way his heart had raced when Chanyeol was about to get shot. He had also gone through the exact same feelings that other time when Chanyeol had slit his wrist and tried to take his own life.

Kyungsoo turned to look at the boy sleeping peacefully on his chair, head lolling to the side and observed him. His wavy jet black tresses that were a tad too long and brushing over his eyebrows. His round nerdy glasses that sat crookedly on a sharp perfectly shaped nose with a smattering of freckles. His almond eyes that were now shut and long pretty lashes brushing over chubby cheeks that were slightly beginning to lose a little of their fats. He looked like a normal albeit very pretty boy. What was it in Park Chanyeol that sparked up such foreign and strange feelings in the usually emotionless Do Kyungsoo?

“Park Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo said softly, liking the feel of the name rolling off his tongue. Chanyeol twitched in his sleep and Kyungsoo suddenly wondered what the boy was doing in his room instead of being in his own. He wondered if the boy had been watching over him and waiting for him to wake up and a strange but warm feeling rushed through him.

It was unbelievable and slightly disconcerting but Kyungsoo knew the answer now. He had saved Chanyeol because he had felt fear. Fear of losing the boy. Why he had felt the fear, Kyungsoo couldn’t explain. But he realized as he went on looking at the sleeping boy that he didn’t want Chanyeol to die.

^^^^^^^^^^^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was alright. Do comment, leave kudos and reviews if you think i deserve it


	4. Enjoyment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait. i struggled with this chapter

After the first mission, Chanyeol got assigned to lighter missions that didn’t concern much of shooting and killing people. The missions largely consisted of delivering “goods” from their base to their clients, or bringing back shipped weaponry from the clients to their base. In a way it was still dangerous but that was why Kyungsoo always got sent along with him. Or rather Kyungsoo _chose_ to always go with him. He was highly suspicious of why his father made Chanyeol do such an important job.

“It’s because you guys are kids,” his father had only stated when Kyungsoo had questioned him. “Snoopers are less likely to suspect kids more than shady looking adults. It’s also only the side customers he is delivering to anyway.”

Kyungsoo realized his father did have a point when he had said that Chanyeol only delivered to the smaller clients, like the teenage or even young adult sons and daughters of rich business men who were willing to spend fortunes on stashes of weed and drugs as well as small merchants who dealt on such things and purchased from their particular gang. This side client network unexpectedly bought in good amount of money for their gang. And they were under lesser suspicion from the police or other interference of the sort so it was safer to work for them.

Kyungsoo realized another thing as the both of them went for these frequent missions. Chanyeol was crafty. He had plenty of tricks up his sleeve when they were caught in unexpected tricky situations and were in the possible risk of getting discovered. Like one certain time when they had been led to a club to deliver drugs to the son of a filthy rich politician, they faced an unexpected crisis when they belatedly realized that the guy’s guards had come along. Chanyeol had immediately grabbed one of Kyungsoo’s knives, ripped up their clothes a little and smeared dirt on both their faces then grabbed a small cardboard box from beside the trash box they had been standing next too. When the guards came up to them to check them out, Chanyeol had bowed his head and also nudged at Kyungsoo to do the same.

“Hah, what are you beggars doing here, this ain’t any place for you,” one of the guards had sneered. “Go on. Go home.”

“W….we were trying to earn some money. We haven’t had food all day today,” Chanyeol had stuttered out, trying his best to act out like a beggar. “We….we’d usually help out the florist in delivering her flowers but we couldn’t do that today.”

Flowers had been the code word and Kyungsoo had to admit that he had been slightly impressed by how smoothly he had delivered the code. The guards had looked like they had no idea what Chanyeol had been blabbering about but their customer, the politician’s son had immediately jumped forward when he’d heard the code.

“Well, guess what? I’m feeling generous today,” he’d drawled while flashily pulling out his wallet and swaggering forward all the while he’d walked towards them. “So I’m gonna give you both some good bucks.”

And the money exchange had taken place during which Chanyeol had managed to smoothly slide in the drugs into the guy’s hands while taking the money. The guards hadn’t noticed a single thing.

Several more deliveries took place in this fashion and Kyungsoo began thinking that Chanyeol was well suited for this job. Chanyeol himself however had other ideas. He hated doing it because his father had lost his life in the process of trying to track down the drug dealings of that very gang and now he himself was rendering his father’s work useless by assisting in the helping of delivering drugs.

“I’d rather do more dangerous scouting jobs than deliver drugs,” Chanyeol spat one day.

“But you’re already in the gang that your father tried taking down,” Kyungsoo in return mentioned nonchalantly. “So don’t you think your arguments are kind of null and void?”

It was only then that Chanyeol shut up, not having any arguments and glared at Kyungsoo, the despair and conflict plainly visible in his eyes. Something ate away at Kyungsoo to take back whatever he had said on seeing Chanyeol’s eyes.

“My father’s a dangerous man,” he ended up saying instead. “I’m his son and in a considerably more important position than anyone else in the gang because I’m the heir and he still gives me hell if I make the slightest mistake in missions. If you ever blatantly disobeyed a mission because of your so called morals I can only imagine what he would do to you.”

Chanyeol wasn’t looking at Kyungsoo but the other could see his grim expression and white knuckles from clutching too hard. “I think it would be better for me to die anyway than continue doing the very thing my dad wanted to stop so let your father kill me for all I care.”

“You’re stupid to think Father would grant you death so easily,” Kyungsoo’s expression immediately darkened and he walked towards the other boy and yanked his face up to meet his eyes. Chanyeol eyes were wide with shock. Deep brown, clear, innocent, naïve. _Untainted_. Kyungsoo thought. He didn’t want this particular boy being messed up by his monster of a father. “I’ve seen the way he deals with traitors. He strips them clean of their dignity, kills everyone who is close to them in any way, tortures them for days which makes them _beg_ to be killed but he has them healed and taken care of instead so that he can break them all over again. I disobeyed him once while training and got both my arms broken. Do you think he is just going to let you go?”

Chanyeol gulped and his eyes grew even wider with fear. Kyungsoo was struck by a sudden thought that his eyes were in fact rather pretty. He had no idea why he thought that.

“Survive Chanyeol,” he said seriously. “Stop being so fucking weak. Survive so that you can stand without letting anyone get the better of you. Especially not my father.”

With that Kyungsoo let go Chanyeol’s face and walked away, his mind buzzing with the one thought that he had refused to say out loud.

_Survive because I don’t want to see you broken._

That night, Kyungsoo ate his dinner in his room because for some reason he didn’t feel like having his food in the dining hall. He had a feeling he would see his father and he was the last person that Kyungsoo wanted to see. While he sat on the floor and ate half-heartedly though, the door to his room swung open and Kyungsoo looked up to see Chanyeol poke his head through meekly. 

“Kyungsoo?” he called out in a small voice and then Kyungsoo saw that he was also carrying his food tray. “Can I…..um eat with you here?”

There was an extended period of silence where Kyungsoo just stared at him blankly and Chanyeol began fidgeting. “So…..you don’t want me here then?”

“Why?” Kyungsoo said instead in a flat voice. “I don’t usually partner up for dinner with anyone. What makes you special?”

“I…I just had some things I wanted to speak about,” Chanyeol’s voice was timid and he slowly started backing away. “But…..I guess I’m not wanted here so….I’ll just….”

Kyungsoo sighed and motioned with his hand. “Well whatever. Come on in, as long as you don’t say anything that annoys me.”

Chanyeol’s head immediately perked up like that of a puppy and he clumsily shuffled forward to flop down on the ground beside Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo felt strangely endeared by those actions and then ended up feeling confused about why he felt endeared.

“Don’t sit too close to me,” he ended up saying gruffly in order to mask the sudden embarrassment he felt. Chanyeol immediately scooted away a little farther and then hastily picked up his rice bowl.

They ate for some time in total silence after that, the only sound being the clacking of the chopsticks against the bowls now and then. Neither did they both even look at each other. There was a strange tension floating around in the room between them as Kyungsoo wondered about Chanyeol’s intentions and almost felt like stabbing someone because the boy wasn’t saying anything.

“I wanted to apologize,” Chanyeol finally spoke out and Kyungsoo turned to see the boy staring straight ahead, his knees pulled up to his chest.

“For what?”

“Well….um you know. For this afternoon,” Chanyeol gave a quick nervous smile towards his direction and looked away again. “I keep bringing up my dad with in turn brings up your dad and…..I well…..it’s not right of me to keep complaining when you’ve had a much shittier childhood than…than me. I should be grateful of what I did have though…..not gonna lie, I’m not grateful for my current situation but yeah….I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo was staring at Chanyeol all the while he spoke. He was mystified. No one had ever apologized to him in his entire life and especially not for a reason like the one Chanyeol was stating. He felt confused, bewildered and suspicious all at the same time.

“So, you mean to say,” he began. “That you pity me for the life I have led and that’s why you apologized? I don’t need your fucking pity, Park Chan…..”

“No that’s not what I meant!” Chanyeol began hurriedly. “I….I mean to say it goes against my morals to…..to make light of your situation. I don’t pity you. Rather I….I think I admire you….and it’s because of that I don’t want to disrespect the fact that you’ve gone through shit and…..yeah…..I don’t think you’re so bad after all.”

Kyungsoo only got more and more confused. Chanyeol….admired him? The person who was responsible for his current situation? And now he was apologizing because he felt that he had disrespected him? Kyungsoo had no idea how Chanyeol’s thought processes worked like.

“Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol’s voice was small and timid again. “Are you…are you actually mad that I apologized?”

“No,” Kyungsoo said as he looked at Chanyeol with a frown. “I’m confused. No one has ever apologized to me before. I don’t know what to say in answer.”

A look flashed through Chanyeol’s eyes, something that Kyungsoo couldn’t exactly decipher, before the boy turned away and looked at his own toes, chin resting on his knees. There was a small smile on his lips. “I was right,” he said softly. “You’re not bad after all.”

“You’re saying that to the person who is the son of the guy that killed your parents,” Kyungsoo’s voice was gruff and low. “And kidnapped you and beat you up in all those training sessions, got you into danger as well. The guy who is heartless and killed countless people in cold blood. You are weird, Park Chanyeol.”

“It’s your dad who is shitty and makes you do all those stuff, not you,” it was a rare moment where Chanyeol was actually looking straight at Kyungsoo for once, for a short second before lowering his gaze again. However his small smile was still directed at him. “Good night, Kyungsoo.”

And so saying, Chanyeol got up, took his tray and walked quietly out of the room. Kyungsoo still sat at the same spot, brows furrowed in confusion as he recalled Chanyeol’s very cryptic words. He didn’t know what to make of them, but hearing Chanyeol say that he wasn’t a bad guy made his heart do strange things that had him even more confused.

“What a weirdo!” Kyungsoo shook his head and got up from the floor, bringing his own tray up with himself. He thought of Chanyeol smiling and realized with clarity that he himself smiled when he thought about it. He decided that he wanted to make Chanyeol smile at him like that more often but he had no idea how to.

 

After every next mission that followed where Kyungsoo’s dad insisted that the other go on his own, Chanyeol began bringing back things with himself. It was a single comic book at first, which was followed by more difficult novels, a few even in English. And then science books followed next, after which Kyungsoo who was perplexed and curious as to where Chanyeol was getting all those books from finally decided to confront him.

“It’s one of the clients,” Chanyeol admitted in a slightly embarrassed voice, while ducking his head to avoid eye contact. “He is filthy rich like all of them and he is careless enough that he lets me enter his house when I go to deliver. He….he’s got a lot of books. I mean…..a huge lot. So….I stole some.”

Kyungsoo was honestly a little taken aback. “A rich man let you enter his house. You could’ve stolen anything but you stole books.”

“Books are precious to me,” Chanyeol sounded defensive as he held the newest book close to his chest. “I love reading and….and that guy bought books only for decoration anyway! It’s better if I have them. You can’t make fun of me because I like reading!”

Kyungsoo decided not to comment on the fact that Chanyeol was showing a possible insecurity. Instead he moved and picked up one of the novels lying on his bed. It was a paperback with the picture of a grey gloomy looking city on it and a single boy on the streets. The title was in English, which Kyungsoo wasn’t exactly the strongest at. “What book is this?”

“Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens,” Chanyeol muttered. “You can’t read English?”

“Never was my strongest subject,” Kyungsoo replied nonchalantly and dropped the book back on the bed. “I’ve never been good at studying. Better at practical stuff. Studying is useless.”

“Oh” was all Chanyeol said before turning away and staring at the books on his bed. “That’s okay. Even if you could read English I doubt you would read Dickens anyway. No one in my school read it.”

Kyungsoo wasn’t struck for the first time with the question about who really was Chanyeol. “Like I said I could care less. Studying is useless.”

“If you studied it would help you in what you do though,” Chanyeol insisted seriously. “If you studied human anatomy well it could he…help you…k…kill much more e…effectively.”

Kyungsoo gave him a strange look. “They don’t teach in-depth human anatomy to 13 year olds. Do you mean to say you studied human anatomy all on your own?”

And like always when they neared the subject of what Chanyeol was hiding about himself, the boy clamped up, refusing to speak anything more about it. Kyungsoo knew not to push further because it would be of no use, so he just left the room, letting Chanyeol sit and contemplate over his books.

However Kyungsoo hadn’t predicted how much he would be curious about what Chanyeol was doing. He found himself constantly wondering about what the boy was currently reading, if he stole more new books from the client or not or if he no longer read. He didn’t want to admit that he was curious though so he was always extra harsher during trainings, both at himself and at Chanyeol. But the day soon came when he finally couldn’t control and he opened the door of Chanyeol’s room without permission while the latter was reading. Kyungsoo recognized the book as the one Chanyeol had called Oliver Twist.

Chanyeol as usual greeted him with getting startled and then sent a glare. “Knock when you enter!”

Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow. “And since when have you started giving me orders?”

Chanyeol immediately lowered his gaze. “What do you want? He still retained the gruff tone of his voice.

“I don’t have a mission today and you don’t either,” Kyungsoo began as he sat down on the floor beside Chanyeol. He realized that Chanyeol had a thing for sitting on the floor. “So tell me what you’re reading.”

Chanyeol narrowed his eyes. “Why do you want to know?”

“Because…..I want to know? Are you really demanding me the reason?”

Chanyeol said nothing, his gaze lowered again. Kyungsoo smirked, pleased to know that he still had a bit of that effect on Chanyeol. “Alright now go on. Entertain me with a story.”

Chanyeol exhaled and shut his book. “It’s about Oliver Twist, an orphan who has no idea who his parents are and escapes into the London streets from the workhouse where him and other orphans were forced to work in. But while roaming the streets he gets picked up by a thief called Fagin and is taught to survive by pickpocketing and using unlawful means.”

After that Chanyeol got completely into the storytelling and narrated Oliver’s whole journey, from running away from the “evil mister Sowerberry” to being first found by the boy Jack Dawkins and then finally to Fagin, Nancy and Bill Sykes the murderer. Kyungsoo thought the story had too many dramatic events but he couldn’t stop listening when Chanyeol spoke with such excitement and a shine to his eyes and Kyungsoo couldn’t pull away even if he wanted to. He ended up paying rapt attention to every word that Chanyeol said and when he finally ended the story with the fact that everyone who wanted to kill Oliver ended up dead and arrested and Oliver finally got a family again, Kyungsoo found himself quietly asking. “Are you him?”

Chanyeol was thrown off for a second. “What?”

“Oliver Twist. Are you him?”

“Why do you think so?” Chanyeol frowned. “Oliver never knew his parents and I grew up with a family so I and Oliver are completely different….”

“You mentioned in the story that in between Oliver found his real family and lived with them happily for some time,” Kyungsoo interrupted. “Until that Nancy girl came and took him away again. Kidnapped him.”

Chanyeol snapped his mouth shut and sat thinking for some time. For some strange reason, Kyungsoo waited for his answer in trepidation.

“Do you want to go back home? To a family?” Kyungsoo asked tentatively.

Chanyeol didn’t answer.

………………

A few more days went by with the client and Kyungsoo saw some more books piling up in Chanyeol’s room. There were a total of about ten books now and Kyungsoo began wondering how the boy planned on hiding them from the rest of the gang members who were sure to get suspicious. Then he remembered no one really visited Chanyeol’s room because everyone was afraid of Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo had made it explicitly clear that Chanyeol was under his custody alone.

On the last day of serving that particular client however, Chanyeol came back with something other than books.

“So…..books finally weren’t enough for you and you ended up stealing a laptop?” Kyungsoo’s voice was equal parts incredulous and judgmental as he stared at the sleek mini machine lying on Chanyeol’s bed.

Chanyeol flinched a little and then hung his head guiltily. “It was just lying there, charger and all and…and I couldn’t help it.”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “How did you manage to even hide it on coming back?”

“Well….honestly I….I don’t know,” Chanyeol stuttered and stared at his toes. “I….I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo sighed. For a reason he had difficulty understanding, he didn’t have the heart to tell off the boy. Stealing was probably the most innocent crime Chanyeol could commit and one missing laptop wouldn’t make a hint of a difference to the multimillionaires that were their clients anyway. “What are you going to do with it?”

Chanyeol’s head immediately perked up. “Watch anime. I heard new episodes of Naruto have been released and I really wanna watch,” he sounded the most excited Kyungsoo had ever heard. “If…if I manage to get hold of some CDs then I could probably be able to install games too. I haven’t played in a long time.”

Kyungsoo, if possible, was even more confused than he had been with books. He honestly kept no touch with other trivial things that went on in the world outside the gang and he had no idea what other boys his age usually did for entertainment. “What is….Naruto?”

Chanyeol’s smiled immediately dropped. “You….don’t know Naruto?”

“I don’t concern myself with trivial stuff that aren’t going to help me in life,” Kyungsoo spoke in his usual flat voice. “Whatever you do, make sure that laptop isn’t actually traceable or anything and that it’s safe and won’t put the gang in danger in any way.”

“Okay,” Chanyeol’s voice was soft and the noticeable disappointment in it made Kyungsoo’s chest twist in a way that was beginning to get annoyingly familiar to him. “I was planning to do that without you telling me.”

Kyungsoo wanted to ask how he planned on doing that and make the device untraceable but Chanyeol turning his back on him told him that the conversation was done for the day.

For the next few days, Chanyeol spent most of his free time tinkering with the machine, typing and retyping stuff endlessly every day, making small frustrated sounds when something didn’t go the way he wanted and grinning from ear to ear when something did go right. And for the next few days, Kyungsoo spent those hours in intense curiosity about what exactly Chanyeol was doing but not going directly and finding out because his ego prevented him from doing it.

But one day, Chanyeol himself pulled Kyungsoo along to his room and stated blabbering excitedly about how he had finally managed to delete all of the previous owner’s data and completely replace it with new information. He showed Kyungsoo the laptop screen and went on about something coding and programming related that put up some sort of firewall that prevented tracing, which Kyungsoo understood jack-crap of. And Kyungsoo wasn’t listening to a word anyway. He was only paying attention to how excited and almost happy Chanyeol seemed and that this was the first time he was seeing the boy like this.

“So…” Kyungsoo began nonchalantly. “You got hold of the Naruto thing then?”

“Not yet,” Chanyeol answered. “But I will. It’s not hard to find anime episodes online.”

And Kyungsoo had just nodded and then walked out of the room, stating he had no time for all of these “silly techy stuff”. In reality, he stilled kept thinking about how Chanyeol had actually managed to do all the programming and wondered if the boy was a computer genius. Their gang needed more hackers even though they already had one and Chanyeol’s newly discovered skills would be a huge asset to the gang.

But even then, Kyungsoo found himself keeping it a secret from his father.

…………………..

“And so I was thinking,” Kyungsoo announced right after he had judo flipped Chanyeol for the fourth time that day. “I want to see what this Naruto thing is like.”

Chanyeol who had been lying on the ground, rubbing his sore arm with a wince, suddenly shot up to sit straight, eyes blown wide. “Really? You want to watch Naruto with me?”

“Only to judge just how useless it is and how much you are wasting your time,” Kyungsoo cracked his neck. “Also because I want to know what makes people even like doing these stuff.”

“Because….they are fun?” Chanyeol tilted his head in confusion. “I don’t get it. Kyungsoo, have you never had fun?”

“No,” Kyungsoo deadpanned. “Now get up. What’s not fun is the fact that you haven’t managed to pull a shoulder or hip throw on me even once. Stop being so pathetic, Park Chanyeol.”

Kyungsoo didn’t really know what to anticipate as he sat on Chanyeol’s bed beside him and waited as the latter booted up the computer and connected it to the Wi-Fi Kyungsoo didn’t even know their hideout had. He felt horribly lost and clueless but Chanyeol seemed to know exactly what he was doing.

“Since you’ve never watched Naruto, I’ll play the very first episode,” Chanyeol said as he opened up a window in the browser and rapidly typed something out. “And if you think you can bear it, we can watch the rest of it together.”

Kyungsoo only had time to nod once before the screen darkened for a short time and then suddenly lit up with a video that showed an animated red nine-tailed fox on the screen and a background narrator that began the story. He was fascinated, if he was to be honest, of how the animation moved on and the story progressed. He could feel himself unconsciously clenching his fists when the fight between the two teachers broke out, one trying to protect Naruto and the other trying to harm him. Kyungsoo had to admit he was pretty captivated by everything and blinked in dissatisfaction when the episode ended too soon for his liking.

“Well?” Chanyeol asked, turning to him in anticipation.

Kyungsoo cleared his throat and racked his brains because he didn’t exactly know what to say. “It was not as bad as I thought,” he stated casually. “Perhaps I can take another episode.”

Chanyeol immediately grinned and clicked at the second episode without hesitation.

One episode turned into two more and then three. Four. Ten. And then suddenly they were done watching one whole season. Kyungsoo tried to fight back his disbelief when Chanyeol exited the browser and announced that it was better if they both went to sleep because it was past midnight.

“Such a huge wastage of time,” Kyungsoo muttered disdainfully as he got off the bed and began making for the door.

“But you enjoyed, didn’t you?” Chanyeol sounded nervous but his statement still made Kyungsoo freeze. He didn’t know how to answer without feeling strangely embarrassed so he left without saying another word.   

He came back the next day to watch Naruto again and Chanyeol was only too happy to entertain him. They however made a rule to watch only five episodes a day so they didn’t waste too much time and could also continue with their training alongside everything else.

Kyungsoo began admitting to himself that he actually did enjoy watching the ridiculous series even though Naruto sometimes got a bit too loud for his liking. But he enjoyed the story and even liked a few of the characters, like the silver-haired guy with the mask who was Naruto’s teacher. Kakashi, if he remembered correctly. Kyungsoo began thinking if it was what all normal boys who weren’t brought up in a world of criminals and violence enjoyed doing, or if it was only something that Chanyeol enjoyed doing. And he realized that he liked this feeling of normalcy. He liked doing something that wasn’t related to missions, deliveries, killing and his asshole of a father for once. He actually enjoyed it all. And he was filled with a strong desire to know what other “normal” things Chanyeol enjoyed doing.

“You asked me if I was Oliver Twist. The truth is…..I don’t know,” Chanyeol suddenly spoke out of the blue when the last Naruto episode for the day had ended with the invasion on Konoha failing and the dark past of the red haired monster boy was finally all revealed and he too suffered defeat in Naruto’s hands. “And now I…..I want to ask you if you’re Gaara.”

Kyungsoo stared at Chanyeol, who was yet again not looking at him and fidgeting anxiously. “I didn’t have a shitty uncle who betrayed me. Nor do I have siblings. But yes I do have an asshole of a father so I guess I relate to Gaara on that part but no, I’m not him.”

“Are you sure?” Chanyeol’s question was tentative. “Because I really do see a bit of Gaara in you.”

Kyungsoo was silent. He mused over Chanyeol’s question and then thought about the recent episodes he had just watched. The red haired boy, Gaara, had been portrayed as the antagonist and a monster. He killed for blood and pleasure and cared for no one but himself. But then Naruto came and almost quite literally knocked sense into his head. And the only things Naruto said was that he understood the pain the boy was going through. He didn’t antagonize Gaara, didn’t call him a monster. Then Kyungsoo thought about the boy before he had turned into a monster. A young frightened and lonely child who didn’t understand the positive emotions like love and happiness because he was never exposed to them. He grew up receiving hate because he couldn’t help the way he was born and the one person he thought loved him broke him up the most; the grief and hurt turning him into a monster. But no one heard his cries for help until Gaara decided to rid of his emotions completely. Kyungsoo’s story was in no way similar to Gaara’s but he still understood the most now why Chanyeol had just compared him to that character. Perhaps Chanyeol was right.

“It’s getting late. We should sleep,” was the only thing Kyungsoo said before he got up to go back to his own room. “We have morning training tomorrow so don’t be late.”

“Okay,” was the only thing Chanyeol answered.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trivia gaara is my fav anime character ever and i've always thought he was very similar to Soo and also even he loves cultivating cacti!  
> do give me kudos and reviews if you liked this


	5. Empathy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for disappearing on you guys!!!!!! ^^; i had a lot of problems. apparently i have successfully spoilt my eyes because of the amount of reading, typing on a laptop and watching anime that i do and now i wear glasses. also my mom had banned me from touching my dear laptop for the rest of the days i was at home so i had to wait until i came back to uni to be able to continue lol. it took me some time to complete this chapter because i'm busy with classes again. anyway~~~ i'm back though and i hope you all like this chapter. also excuse all the grammatical and spelling errors because i do that a lot and i usually miss seeing small errors no matter how many times i edit and re-edit hehe.

Kyungsoo had suspected something was wrong when his father called him up to his office that day right in the middle of his training. If anything, his father was much stricter about completing training than he himself was. Kyungsoo couldn’t control his suspicion as he made his way up the stairs to his father’s room.

“Ah, there you are. What took you so long?” his father called out the moment Kyungsoo entered the room. He had a confusing smile on his face.

“We were training, father,” Kyungsoo answered carefully, his father’s mannerism putting him all the more on edge. “You called us while we were in the middle of it. What is it that you want?”

“My apologies. I didn’t mean to interrupt you both,” his father mock apologized and then laced his fingers together. With his elbows planted firmly on the table, he leaned forward with an almost manic grin gracing his face. “I got a mission for that runt of yours. And he will probably have to kill someone this time.”

Kyungsoo felt a cold feeling settle in his chest, but he kept his face impassive. “Will he be doing it alone?”

“No,” his father said shortly and threw him a file which he caught easily. “I still don’t trust him to pull off such a mission so easily. You will be coming along.”

“What is the mission about? Is it an assassination?”

“Mm, not exactly,” his father smirked and leaned back on his chair. “You remember that rich-ass client I’d signed a weapon business deal with two years back? Well, the bastard’s decided he wants this company under his and he’s been trying to get me killed in subtle ways but he still puts on a friendly front like I don’t realize he is the one who sent that girl who tried poisoning me last week. He called me for a meeting after five days which I’m pretty sure is another excuse to try and kill me.”

“And you want us to accompany you,” Kyungsoo continued from where his father left off. “And kill your assassins before they can get a hold of you.”

“Bingo,” his father drawled lazily. “You can stand right beside me while the meeting goes on since you’re my heir and the bastard doesn’t actually know you’re also my trump card. The runt has to take up the position that I mentioned in the plan so he can snipe the bastard and his lackeys when they make a move.”

Kyungsoo nodded his head and began making for the door. The mission gave him a rather bad feeling but he contained it and went straight to their training area. There was a low surveillance tower there from which Chanyeol practiced sniping and Kyungsoo reached the place to see the other laid flat on his stomach, diligently practicing by sniping the rows of cardboard human figures in the distance. His impeccable aim made sure that the bullet went straight through every cardboard man’s head and Kyungsoo silently applauded his progress.

“Oi,” he called out making Chanyeol pause from pulling the trigger and then turning around to face the former in slight confusion. “My father got us a mission once again. An important one.”

And as with every mission notice that had arrived in the past, Chanyeol began looking uncomfortable. “What kind of mission?”

Kyungsoo predicted easily in his head that the moment he revealed the mission plans Chanyeol would be sure to object. But he never was the kind to beat around the bush. “Guarding my father while he meets up with enemies in disguise. Ninety percent probability of you having to kill someone. And no, don’t even think of backing out because once you have a mission, you can’t do anything against orders.”

As predicted, Chanyeol immediately paled. “But Kyungsoo…..I…I can’t kill.”

“And you can injure and make a person’s ability to function completely useless,” Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow. “A fully normally functioning man robbed of his ability to ever walk or use his hands because you busted their elbows and knees beyond repair and the man having to live a bitter invalid, or granting a quick painless death by planting a bullet straight to the head. Which one would be crueler, Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol trembled and his breath came fast. There were already tears forming in his eyes. The beginning signs of hyperventilation.

“In this world it’s kill or be killed, Chanyeol. And you’re already here,” Kyungsoo said quietly and he extended the file towards Chanyeol for him to read.

 

After five days of rigorous practice and careful planning out of whatever strategy Kyungsoo’s father had planned, the Day finally arrived and the two younger boys found themselves in the place where the meeting was supposed to happen early that morning so as to secure Chanyeol in his position first before the whole “meeting” started. Annoyingly, the meeting place was indoors, in a fancy looking room that had a large mahogany table which was polished until its top shone and had cream walls. It also meant using guns or firearms would be somewhat of a pain in the backside. The place Chanyeol needed to get to was the air vents above on the ceiling but even sniping from there would be a bit of a challenge.

“How am I supposed to get there though?” Chanyeol wondered aloud. “It’s so high up.”

“Put one of the chairs on top of the table and climb up,” Kyungsoo said in his usual monotone and grabbed a chair as well as hoisted it up on the table even before Chanyeol blinked. “It’s simple enough to pull yourself in after that. I haven’t been training you for nothing.”

“Oh,” was the only thing Chanyeol said before lowering his gaze with a nod and climbing up the table. He quickly scampered up the table and pulled open the vent cover with only the slightest bit of grunting and struggling. As soon as he had pulled himself into the vent, Kyungsoo handed up his equipment after him. The gun he was going to use, a bag full of refills and a silencer. Seeing Chanyeol’s pale white face as he grabbed the bag containing the extra ammo and hauled it up with some difficulty, Kyungsoo felt a heaviness that weighed down on him.

“Chanyeol,” he found himself calling while Chanyeol was about to pull the vent cover shut. The latter paused and looked at Kyungsoo questioningly, his glasses knocked a little crooked due to all the struggle and the climbing. With the other’s gaze on him, Kyungsoo was suddenly at the loss of words and he just shrugged and for once refused to make eye-contact. “Make sure you don’t fail.”

That wasn’t what he had wanted to say, he was sure of that, but Chanyeol still gave an exhale and a small anxious smile. “I will try not to,” he said softly before disappearing into the vent and pulling the cover closed.

With the heaviness still settled in his heart, Kyungsoo went out of the venue and back to where his father was waiting for him, leaving Chanyeol behind alone up in the air vent. He himself would be back later, when the clock struck the actual time for when his father and the client were supposed to meet. And then the “mission” would commence.

It was half-past two in the afternoon when Kyungsoo found himself in the meeting room, standing beside his father as they waited for their client to arrive who was rather characteristically late, like he had all the time in the world. Kyungsoo wasn’t exactly the most patient person and their client’s tardiness began making him think that he would definitely have fun killing him. When the client finally arrived, he did so swaggering like he hadn’t just been late and dressed up in a glitzy purple tuxedo and silk shirt with a velvet tie. He would be handsome if he didn’t have an annoying sloppy smile plastered on his face as well as a pair of ridiculous shades perched on his nose. He was swamped by three burly looking men and Kyungsoo inwardly sneered at how much the man was looking down on them.

“Well, well, you were here already, Mr. Do!” he called out in an airy voice. “I’m sorry I arrived late but I’m glad we could meet today.”

Kyungsoo’s father gave a thin-lipped smile. “Somehow, you don’t sound very apologetic, Jung,” he said calmly. “But well, we should get on with the proceedings.”

“Are you sure we should talk about business when a kid is around?” the man, Jung, gave a condescending look over the top of his shades and Kyungsoo internally rolled his eyes. “I mean, not to sound rude son, but this is adult business.”

“You don’t need to worry about Kyungsoo. He is my heir,” Kyungsoo’s father said easily. “I brought him along because he should learn about the proceedings and whatnot too.”

“Oh well, alright then. It’s actually a good thing you brought your heir along,” Jung called out cheerily and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but notice the double meaning in that sentence. “Now shall we begin?”

One of Jung’s men held out sheaves of papers towards Mr. Do but Kyungsoo’s sharp eyes caught the metallic glint in the man’s other hand before his father could reach out for the papers. He immediately stepped forward and gripped the man’s wrist, knocking off all the papers in the process. Then he gave a sharp methodical twist and the man howled in pain as Kyungsoo effortlessly sprained his wrist. Hissing and furious, the man swung the hand which contained the foldable knife towards Kyungsoo who narrowly dodged it while still holding onto the wrist, and then bent forward to get a good position and throw the hulking man like a bag of rice over his shoulder. Before the man could even process what had just happened, Kyungsoo stabbed him through the chest using the man’s own knife.

“And I forgot to mention it in the introduction,” Kyungsoo’s father went on in the calmest voice like someone hadn’t just died in front of him while Jung and his men stared at the scene, bug-eyed. “But my son is also one of the best assassins I have raised.”

Kyungsoo stood up just then, wiping the blood off from his face and then turned to face the rest of the men who were eyeing him warily and hesitating about whether to attack him or not. Then Jung stumbled and made a dash for the door but Kyungsoo was quicker and threw one of the knives he always kept hidden up his sleeve at the man’s calve. It pierced the soft flesh and Jung went down screaming in agony. That was when the remaining two men attacked.

The two men were burly and strong but Kyungsoo was faster than them. He dodged their swinging arms that had blades with a litheness akin to that of a monkey avoiding swaying branches. Kyungsoo attacked with his knife with viper-like accuracy every time one of the men swung and hit a vital that weakened them and left them a groaning mess. One got a stab straight at the kidney when he aimed for the boy’s head and resulted in Kyungsoo effectively avoiding it and landing a successful blow with a swift swing of his own hand to the man’s side. Another got decimated with multiple stabs first on his upper-arm to disarm him, on his shoulder blade and finally two on his neck that ultimately killed him. Before long the two men lay in a heap, and Kyungsoo stood barely out of breath and flicking the excess blood off his blade.

“Well, now,” his father spoke in a mildly amused voice. “You took care of it all. You’ve gotten better, Kyungsoo.”

A praise from his father gave him mixed feelings. Kyungsoo was aware of how much of a dirt-bag his father was and that the man didn’t care an ounce for the well-being of his own son. Kyungsoo hated him to the moon and back. But that didn’t stop his heart from giving a pleasurable jump when hearing his father’s words. He was disgusted with himself. He only got distracted when he heard a whimper and saw that Jung was still alive, with an injured leg and trying to desperately crawl towards the door but to no avail. Kyungsoo took a step towards the man but his father stopped him.

“I’ll take care of this one,” his voice was cold, sadistic and Kyungsoo could predict straightaway what would come next.

He watched warily as his father sauntered towards the whimpering man and then took hold of a fistful of his hair and pulled his head up, ignoring his cries and pleas for mercy.

“You already own a huge company, huger than mine even and yet you were foolish enough to covet what I had. Do you think I’m an idiot, Mr. Jung?” he sneered yanking the other’s head by the hair for good measure. “Well, a pity that you walked yourself into the wolf’s trap. Now watch me while I make everything you own mine!”

And always one for dramatic bloodshed, he dug in a knife into Jung’s back in a painfully slow pace, pushing it in deeper and deeper all the while the air got punctuated by the other man’s screams. He drew the blade out and then drove it back in with more vigor, repeating the action several more times with a manic grin on his face until Jung’s body hung limp on his hands. Kyungsoo was used to blood, and yet even he flinched seeing his mad father’s theatrics.  

So engrossed in his repulsion was he as he watch his father kill, he didn’t realize the bloodied figure that got up staggeringly behind him and raised an armed hand until it was a little too late. Feeling an uncomfortable sense, he’d whipped around to see the hunkering form loom before him snarling and driving his blade forward, aimed to kill, before a very familiar whistling sounded in the air and the dull sound of impact. The man’s figure stilled and then fell forward. Kyungsoo had to hurriedly side step so that the body didn’t fall on top of him. Once the man’s body lay on the ground, Kyungsoo saw the bullet wound on his head and his thoughts instantly shot towards the boy who was still hidden up in the vents. He had forgotten that Chanyeol was still there in the room.

“So, the runt acted after all,” Kyungsoo’s father grunted. “I was gonna fail him for this mission but since he’s managed to kill at least one guy, he has narrowly passed it.”

_Chanyeol._ Kyungsoo paid no heed to his father’s words and watched with narrowed eyes at the air vents. He only half-heard even as his father muttered something about him getting “the runt” and then hurrying to where their car was waiting before exiting the room. Once the older man was out, Kyungsoo rapidly made for the table and put a chair on top of it before quickly climbing up and then opening the cover of the vent. He was met with the chalk-white, traumatized face of Chanyeol’s.

“Come on. It’s all over,” he muttered quietly. “Time to go back.”

 

After they returned back to the base, Chanyeol shut himself up in his room and refused food. One day turned into two more days and went on for almost a whole week and Kyungsoo’s frustration grew every time he came back and saw the number of untouched food trays piling up. The boy had also refused to come to training and Kyungsoo didn’t force him. The first kill was always the hardest to get used to but Chanyeol’s behavior was beginning to get worrisome.

Finally, after one and a half week had passed, Kyungsoo decided he couldn’t stand doing nothing. He barged into the other boy’s room and found him in the same position he had found him every day when he came with the tray of food. Chanyeol was on his bed, bundled up in his blanket and facing the wall. There was yet another untouched food tray on the floor beside his bed.

“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo spoke in a serious voice as he began making for the boy’s bed. “You should eat.”

The blanket covered lump stirred but made no move to get up. Kyungsoo nearly expected Chanyeol to ignore him like he had been doing the past week and a half but then a croaky voice spoke up, muffled because of the heavy fabric covering his whole body, along with his face. “I don’t want to.”

“Then you’re stupid,” Kyungsoo snapped, getting a little impatient. “A man’s body is his biggest asset. You’re wasting it by starving yourself like this.”

The blanket finally shifted and Chanyeol sat up. His hair was a rat’s nest and face swollen as well as tear streaked. There were purple bruised bags below his bloodshot eyes and Kyungsoo suspected that he hadn’t even been sleeping properly, eating be damned. The boy looked like a complete wreck and Kyungsoo began feeling a little lost about what to do.

“I killed a man, Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol’s voice was a mere whisper. “I…shot a man. I killed him. How can you expect me to eat?”

Kyungsoo didn’t know how to answer and the only thing he thought of doing was walk forward and sit on the very edge of the bed while Chanyeol broke into quiet heartbroken sobs again.

“You…you asked me what…what was crueler, taking away a man’s ability to walk or taking away his life and sparing the suffering,” Chanyeol stammered even as Kyungsoo found himself scooting closer. “It…it made me think b…but I know for sure now. Eve…even if a man lost his legs he _can_ build back his will to live. When you die you just…. _die._ ”

“Death is inevitable,” Kyungsoo said quietly.

“But what about the people left behind?!” Chanyeol’s voice rose in its agony. “They get no closure, no goodbyes. He….had a wedding ring, Kyungsoo. I took away a husband. I took away a father! An innocent child would have to grow up fatherless because of me!”

Kyungsoo’s heart squeezed as he found himself more and more at a loss about what to say. “Not all fathers are good fathers.”

“We’re no one to know about it,” Chanyeol sniffled and buried his face in his arms. “He was a gangster but….he could’ve been a good father. And….everyone deserves a second chance.”

So saying, Chanyeol began crying again and Kyungsoo found himself doing something strange. He wrapped an arm around Chanyeol’s shoulders and tugged. The boy went easily and lay his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder while he cried. Awkward and having no idea what to do next, Kyungsoo began rubbing Chanyeol’s back as the boy cried. He continued the action until the latter calmed down.

“With each life taken, another is saved,” Kyungsoo found himself saying next as Chanyeol’s wrecking cries were reduced to soft sniffles while he still clung on to the other like a lifeline. “Thank you….for saving my life.”

Chanyeol said nothing. But then Kyungsoo stiffened in shock as he felt him slide his arms around him and snuggle in closer. Kyungsoo couldn’t help but think that Chanyeol felt so warm against him. It was pleasing in a strange way. Bewildered about what to do himself, Kyungsoo let his hands hang uselessly in the sides even as he tried to get used to the sensation of getting hugged for the first time.

“I had to…..Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol began speaking in a trembling voice just then as he tightened his hug and pushed his face in the crook of the other’s neck causing Kyungsoo’s skin to break out in goose-bumps. “I was afraid….I didn’t want anything to happen to you.”

That admission made Kyungsoo feel warm all over and he began getting a little annoyed at himself. Also, the confusion and curiosity about the way Chanyeol was holding him. He wanted to know why people hugged. “Um….Chanyeol, why are you hugging me?”

Chanyeol most definitely misinterpreted the question because he suddenly pulled away looking stricken and Kyungsoo nearly growled in dissatisfaction at the loss of warmth. “I’m so sorry! I w…wasn’t t…thinking! I thought….I thought you…didn’t…I’m sorry!”

“That’s not what I meant, idiot,” Kyungsoo snapped in irritation. Then his frown cleared and he stared begrudgingly at the mattress, refusing to make eye contact. “I wanted to know why people hugged. Why do you hug, Chanyeol?”

“Oh,” Chanyeol’s eyes widened in incredulity but then his features softened and he in his turn stared at the sheets. “It…It’s to offer comfort. I thought you knew. But….it’s also to make someone feel loved.”

“Loved?” Kyungsoo echoed the word. It was such a foreign concept to him. What was love like? What did it feel like to be loved? What kind of people were worthy of receiving love? He didn’t know the answer to any of those questions. Love was perhaps the feeling he knew the least about. He looked up to see Chanyeol giving him a look he couldn’t really decipher.

“K…Kyungsoo,” he began albeit a little nervously. “Do you…want me to hug you again?”

Kyungsoo in all honesty felt a little conflicted about the offer. He still didn’t understand his own feelings or other’s feelings well enough to know what he wanted. But then he remembered the comforting warmth and found himself nodding uncertainly. Chanyeol immediately scooted closer and wrapped his arms around the other, pulling him into the same warm hug as before. Kyungsoo was immediately washed over with a sense of peace and he understood when Chanyeol said hugs were meant to offer comfort. This time, he held out his own arms and wrapped them, albeit a little tentatively, around Chanyeol and returned the hug.

Kyungsoo still couldn’t completely grasp the intense amount of guilt and emotions Chanyeol went through. His own first kill had been so long ago that he didn’t remember if he even felt guilty or not. But seeing Chanyeol manifest feelings so freely and unabashedly made Kyungsoo wonder. What was it like to feel? He began wanting to experience what Chanyeol experienced and wanting to understand why killing a man broke him so much.

He began wanting to know how to feel because he felt the need to understand Chanyeol better. All he knew was that he felt upset if Chanyeol was upset too.

^^^^^^^^^^^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it was angsty again but how did you like the fluff?????? chansoo hugged for the first time, hurray! as always, if you guys think i deserve it, do leave me kudos and reviews. your love keeps me going <3 love ya, eris <3


	6. Compassion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm thankfully back faster than last time. it's a bit of a pain trying to juggle fanfiction writing between classes but i managed yay! anyway, like always do enjoy and tell me how much you liked it. also, please excuse the typos in this chapter because i didn't get the time to edit it properly.

It took a good one month for Chanyeol to recover somewhat from his guilt and self-loathing and start functioning normally again. He still avoided guns completely for some time but diligently attended the physical training sessions that included sparring with Kyungsoo. Before long they both began undertaking missions once again. It was largely delivery missions and the occasional client escorting but no killing. Assassinations weren’t all that frequent after all.

Kyungsoo’s new curiosity about feelings and emotions now prompted him to pay much closer attention to whatever Chanyeol did. He began noticing tiny but significant details about the other boy that he had failed to see earlier. Chanyeol seemed to enjoy Japanese food a lot as he realized. Every time their hideout cook made ramen or yakisoba for dinner, Chanyeol’s eyes would have this gleam that would brighten up his whole self and he would savor each bite carefully, like he was documenting the way each morsel tasted. Kyungsoo noted the way the corners of his eyebrows crinkled when he was pleased or that his lower lip jutted out in the slightest pout when he was upset or annoyed. Kyungsoo realized he could even differentiate between Chanyeol’s fake smiles and real smiles.

Chanyeol to Kyungsoo was a living educational documentary. He learnt the subtle differences between moods and emotions through that single boy’s expressions and reactions alone. But nevertheless, Kyungsoo thought he still had a long way to go. Most emotions still confused him a great deal.

As days passed Kyungsoo also began realizing just how much more comfortable he was becoming of staying with Chanyeol. His father remained the root of his miseries and dark moods and Kyungsoo began seeking out Chanyeol like a traveler for the oasis. It was perhaps after a month had passed from their last mission, and Kyungsoo caught his father bringing in two new nervous looking women in their house wing for “celebration”. That night, Kyungsoo found himself pressed in the furthest corner of his room, vehemently gritting his teeth and trying to shut out the noises as much as possible. His father’s room was exactly opposite to his own and he could hear every scream and moan as clear as day. Shuddering with the disgust that settled deep in his gut, he grabbed his blanket to wrap around himself and walked out of his room still plugging his ears. The screams were much more magnified outside and he hurried through the corridor, down the stairs and past their kitchen and living room. He opened the door that led to the corridor connecting the house to the hideout and exhaled once he could no longer hear the sounds.

He wandered aimlessly in the dark, the horrible petrified screams of the women still ringing in his ears and his head conjuring up unwanted images of times when he had been forced to watch his father in action. He shook his head, wanting to rip out the images and stuff them deep down somewhere he could never reach. Kyungsoo was mildly surprised when he found that he had reached a familiar door. He had subconsciously walked till Chanyeol’s room.

Before he could think twice, he pulled down the handle and tut-tutted in displeasure when the door swung open easily. Making a mental note to tell Chanyeol off for not locking his door during the night time, Kyungsoo entered. Chanyeol was curled up in his bed, well covered in the blanket but still stirred and raised a drowsy head to look when the door creaked.

“Kyungsoo?” his voice was a little slurred. “What are you doing here so late?”

“Let me sleep here for tonight,” Kyungsoo found himself saying as he walked fully into the room, pulling the door shut behind him as he did so. “I’ll go back in the morning.”

“But why?” Chanyeol had propped himself up by the elbow now and looked fully awake. “What happened?”

“I don’t want to stay in that house,” Kyungsoo said simply, as he began settling down on the floor and pulled the blanket over himself.

“You’re sleeping on the floor?” Chanyeol sounded a little incredulous. “But Kyungsoo, that’s so uncomfortable! You’re gonna be sore in the morning.”

“I don’t care,” Kyungsoo shrugged and squeezed his eyes shut. He heard Chanyeol sigh and settle back down on his bed with a creak before he fell asleep.

When he woke up the next morning, he was sore and stiff all over as Chanyeol had predicted but had a better sleep than he would have had in his own room. Then he realized that there was a pillow below his head and looked over to see Chanyeol sleeping without one.

 

Another full year passed with Chanyeol as a full member of their gang. He was beginning to get a growth spurt and was suddenly growing taller. He was already taller than Kyungsoo by a few inches. Both their voices cracked and then deepened at the same time. Soon enough, Chanyeol began growing out of the few clothes he owned and they had to go out for several shopping trips to get him new clothes.

It was during these peaceful shopping outings that Kyungsoo discovered several more things about Chanyeol. For a fact, Kyungsoo came to know that Chanyeol loved Korean street food, especially tteokbokki and odeng but couldn’t handle too much spice. He would stare at every tteokbokki stall they passed whenever they searched around for a good store to buy clothes from. Eventually, Kyungsoo caved in and bought the both of them plates of tteokbokki and rice cakes the next time they went shopping.

Chanyeol also loved animals. He wanted to pet every street cat or dog they passed and sometimes left bread crumbs or tiny dishes of milk that he purchased from any convenience store that he passed. Animals also seemed to be drawn to him because more often than not whenever they rested somewhere a cat would appear out of nowhere, mewling and purring as well as rubbing their faces against his calves. Chanyeol would only be too pleased to reciprocate gleefully.

Kyungsoo didn’t hate animals but he definitely was more or less indifferent towards them so he never got why Chanyeol was always so excited whenever an animal of any sort was willing to be petted. Until, one day while they sat enjoying plates of dumplings, a cat appeared and rubbed itself against Kyungsoo for the first time. Chanyeol immediately cooed when he saw that.

“Look, Kyungsoo!” He exclaimed in delight. “He likes you! Pet him!”

Kyungsoo could only stare on in amazement as the cat continued to purr against him and stare up at him with its bright shockingly blue eyes. He couldn’t for the world think why the cat had decided to like him of all people but at Chanyeol’s insistence, hesitantly held out his hand for the feline animal to sniff at. The cat nosed his fingers for a bit before licking them and then pushing its face in, asking to be petted. Kyungsoo complied and was shocked to realize he actually liked the feeling of the cat leaning into his touch and purring contentedly all the while. He went on petting for a long time, dumplings forgotten for a bit before he looked up and saw Chanyeol looking at him with an expression on his face that Kyungsoo could almost call _fond_. Suddenly embarrassed of being looked at that way, Kyungsoo pulled away and cleared his throat gruffly.

“We should finish this shopping business and head back to the base soon.”

 

On their last trip to town for shopping everyday necessities, where Chanyeol also insisted they buy some candies and snacks of the sort because he often got hungry at midnight, they came across a little girl, sitting under the porch of a shop, white-faced and crying. Kyungsoo would’ve walked right past her without sparing a second glance but he realized Chanyeol had stopped in front of her.

“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo began, meaning to call the boy back so they could continue with the shopping and finish it early but saw that Chanyeol was already crouching down to be at the same level as the little girl and talking with her with a bright smile. Letting out an exasperated sigh, Kyungsoo walked back to Chanyeol and stood next to him with a slight frown on his face.

“Oh, Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol turned to look at him. “This here is Mina. She says she got separated from her mother and now she is lost. We should help her.”

Kyungsoo’s frown deepened a little bit more as he thought about chastising Chanyeol while he turned to look properly at the girl, Mina, who cowered as soon as Kyungsoo turned his gaze on her. She began sobbing again.

“Hey, hey, don’t cry!” Chanyeol quickly moved in to reassure her. “Kyungsoo oppa here only looks scary. He is actually a really good guy. He will help find your mom as well.”

Kyungsoo was thrown off hearing Chanyeol call him a good guy. He still had no idea of the way Chanyeol thought and wondered how even the other guy saw him as a good person. He was literally the heir of a mafia boss, and basically a criminal going by the number of people he had killed, even if he had actually killed only fellow criminals that consisted of other mafia leaders, drug dealers and corrupted rich officials and clients.

“Really?” Mina sniffed and turned to look at Kyungsoo with teary eyes. Not knowing what to do, Kyungsoo dipped his head in a small bow. Chanyeol grinned.

“Yeah,” he said softly. “Kyungsoo oppa has taken good care of me. He will take care of you too.”

As the three of them walked, Chanyeol talked animatedly all throughout, making Mina laugh repeatedly with his funny antics and silly jokes. Kyungsoo only observed the two of them, getting more and more curious by the minute and wondering how Chanyeol could possibly make someone laugh so effortlessly. He still had so much to learn.

At one point, Chanyeol bounded inside a convenience store, announcing that he wanted to buy ice-creams for the three of them and Kyungsoo was left to stand outside awkwardly with Mina.

“Oppa,” Mina called out timidly after a few minutes had passed. “Can I hold your hand?”

Not knowing what to say exactly, Kyungsoo ended up only nodding his head and found the little girl enthusiastically pushing her small hand in Kyungsoo’s bigger one and squeezing in glee. Kyungsoo squeezed back and attempted to give her what he thought was a normal small smile. Mina smiled back in answer and he thought maybe he had managed to look pleasant after all.

“Oppa, do you think we will be able to find my mom soon?” Mina questioned just then and Kyungsoo saw the worry in her eyes. “I’m scared. I want to be with mom soon.”

“Does your mom love you?” Kyungsoo asked quietly. He was surprised at himself for asking such a question.

Mina tilted her head to the side in visible confusion. “Of course, she does! She tells me so every day!”

“Then you will find her for sure.”

“But why did you ask me that, oppa? I thought you know all moms love their kids,” Mina asked with the confusion still present. “Doesn’t your mom tell you so as well?”

“I don’t have a mom,” Kyungsoo voice was subdued and monotonous as he said that and Mina’s eyes widened. “Chanyeol doesn’t either.”

Then Kyungsoo found himself giving a soft smile just as the convenience store’s door swung open and Chanyeol came out, swinging a bag of three ice-cream cones. He had a fleeting thought that he’d never had before but as he looked at Chanyeol, grinning and handing out the ice-cream, Kyungsoo realized what he thought was what he really felt. It was confusing, but it made him feel good.

_But I have him._

They eventually did find Mina’s mother, who cried out in relief as soon as she saw her daughter and bundled her up in a tight hug. The mother perhaps thanked both Chanyeol and Kyungsoo at least a hundred times before she insisted on buying them a generous amount of eomuk as a way of extending her gratitude. The rest of the shopping trip went in silence, as both of them plodded along, purchasing the necessary items as fast as possible because the light was slowly beginning to fade and Kyungsoo wanted to be done before it got too late.

“I’m happy,” Chanyeol’s soft voice saying those two words made Kyungsoo’s head snap up and look at him. He, Chanyeol, had a small genuine smile gracing his face and his eyes glinted behind his thick glasses. “The mother must’ve been so worried when Mina went missing. Thank goodness nothing bad happened to either of them.”

Kyungsoo’s breath caught in his throat as he stared at the other boy while he looked ahead, still with the small smile etched on his face. He himself didn’t understand relationships and he understood the way Chanyeol thought and the things he felt even lesser. But Kyungsoo knew as he looked at the boy that he had meant it when he said that he was happy and he found himself wondering about how Chanyeol found the pleasure in helping others and gained happiness from it. Chanyeol had lost his whole family and also had his life snatched away from him when Kyungsoo brought him into their gang. Yet he had told Mina that Kyungsoo was a “good guy” and had looked after him well. He remembered the warmth when Chanyeol had hugged him for the first time, and the anime he had insisted to watch together with Kyungsoo because “watching together was more fun than watching alone.” He remembered the pillow he had sacrificed and how Chanyeol no longer pushed him away anymore. Chanyeol gave so much. He held so much kindness in his heart that Kyungsoo felt baffled.

_An angel._ Kyungsoo thought. Chanyeol was the sole angel that resided in their hell-hole of a hideout, in the literal world of criminals. For the first time, Kyungsoo began wondering if he’d done the right thing bringing in Chanyeol to be a part of their gang.    

……………………

Perhaps it was after a few days later when Kyungsoo was sent out to town on to run a small errand for his father that he realized, albeit in a small scale, why helping others made Chanyeol so happy.

Kyungsoo was returning back from completing his errand, trying to up his pace a little as he disliked being out in town for too long. On the way, he came across a few posters that were pasted to the wall, light-posts and windows of several shops. Out of plain curiosity, he stopped to look at what exactly it was about and saw that it was one of those “Missing” posters that showed that a dog, a honey-colored standard poodle with a unique black patch on one of its ears, had gone missing. On the poster was the dog’s picture as well as the details for where and whom to contact if the little animal was found. Kyungsoo shrugged and continued walking.

It was when he took a turning into one of the more desolate lanes that was actually a shortcut he liked taking, he caught sight of something moving behind a few trashcans that were present there and realized that it was a familiar looking dog. The poodle from the “Missing” posters. The dog sensed him approach right at that very moment and turned around. It surprisingly began wagging its tail and actually sauntered forward to begin curiously sniffing at Kyungsoo’s legs.

Kyungsoo eyed it warily, a little surprised of the fact that the dog seemed to have taken a liking to him. He wondered if it was the breed that was naturally friendly or if he himself smelled somehow delectable enough to attract the canine. He bent down and put his hand forward in the way he had seen Chanyeol do and the dog sniffed his palm all over before beginning to lick it enthusiastically. Kyungsoo cracked a smile. The dog reminded him of Chanyeol.

He then took a decision that surprised himself. He swept up the little animal in his arms and then began walking back to the part of the town where he had seen the posters last. The dog was obviously well-trained because it didn’t struggle nor make a fuss in any way as Kyungsoo held on to it. Going through the details in the poster properly and searing the address in mind, Kyungsoo began walking towards the direction he wanted in a quiet determination, absently scratching the little creature in his arms’ ears whenever he thought the dog got a little restless. Soon enough, he found himself in a more residential area of the town and started looking for the house he wanted. When he came across the welcoming little cottage with a simple iron gate, he rang the bell after only the slightest bit of hesitation.

“Kim Residence, how may I help you?” the intercom on the gate crackled with a considerably boyish voice and Kyungsoo suddenly found himself fumbling over his words.

“Um, hello,” he began. “You left posters all over town and I think I found your dog?”

“Oh my god!” the voice exclaimed and the static crackling of the intercom was suddenly cut off. After a few moments, the door swung open and a young boy who looked slightly younger than Kyungsoo and was clad in a tank top and basketball shorts came running out. His eyes immediately zeroed in on the bundle of fur in Kyungsoo’s arms that had begun barking and squirming excitedly.

“Monggu!” the boy squealed and Kyungsoo noted in amazement as he noticed the boy crying and laughing at the same time while he took the happy little canine from Kyungsoo’s arms. “You bad….bad dog! Where the hell were you these past two days! We were so worried!”

The boy then turned and bellowed back towards his home for his mom and there came an answering shout. He then turned again to face a wonder-struck Kyungsoo, shiny eyed and grinning despite the tears still running down his face. “Thanks so much, dude! You have no idea how worried we were!”

Baffled at the fuss made for just a dog, Kyungsoo merely nodded his head because he didn’t know what else to do. A woman came out just then and made a sound of pleasant surprise when she saw the dog in her son’s arms and then looked at Kyungsoo in utter gratefulness.

“I don’t know how to thank you enough, honey,” she said in a soft loving voice that sent tingles through Kyungsoo’s chest. “Monggu is literally family to us. He is my Jongin’s only friend and brother. Thank you so much for bringing him back.”

“We should be friends someday!” the boy, Jongin called happily. “I’m Jongin!”

“Kyungsoo,” Kyungsoo said warily with a slight bow. He wondered if it was alright to reveal his name and then thought the boy didn’t look suspicious in anyway. Nor did his mom.

“Well, Kyungsoo honey, how should I repay you?” Jongin’s mother asked with a smile. “Should I pay you with money? How much would you want?”

Kyungsoo thought about it and realized that he didn’t really want anything. It was a surprising conclusion that he reached but he was sure of it. So he shook his head.

“I don’t want anything,” he said, much to the woman’s surprise. “It was enough seeing you happy. Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

So saying, he bowed low and began heading back even as Jongin’s chirpy voice called him goodbyes. He felt a smile of his own grace his face as he thought about what he just did and wondered if Chanyeol would be happy too when he heard of it. He understood better now what Chanyeol always felt perhaps when he helped Kyungsoo in the smallest ways, or helped anyone for that matter. Helping was happiness. Kyungsoo wondered how long it would take for him to be able to extend his helping hand as easily as Chanyeol did.

But when he thought back to the boy Jongin and his family, he realized that seeing them happy made him happy too.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope yall liked it ^^ also say hello to jongin and monggu(though the black patch on his ear was definitely made up by me) but this is going to be the only cameo appearance so yeah. unless....i wirte a sequel. lol, not giving you guys false hopes tho. anyway, leave me love, kudos and reviews if you guys thik i deserve them <3


	7. Affection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY CRAP I'VE BEEN GONE FOR SO LONG I'M SORRY!!!! i had exams arghhh and also for some reason it took me far longer than necessary to complete this chapter because i was lost about how to go about it. but here i finally am!!  
> please forgive me for the delay guys!! >^< but i'm not abandoning this, no way! so yeah! i hope you like this chapter!

“Kyungsoo! Look what I got!”

Kyungsoo turned around to see Chanyeol running up to him in the narrow corridor. The boy had an excited expression gracing his face and held up a rectangular object that looked kind of like a book for Kyungsoo to see. They were both fifteen year olds now and Chanyeol was a good head taller than the other. But the way he was running down the corridor with the huge grin still made him seem like he was only a ten year old kid with an oversized body. Kyungsoo was endlessly amused, though he would never reveal it for the world.

“What?” he tried to sound as deadpan as possible just as Chanyeol sidled up next to him.

“Look!” the boy said in glee and he shoved forward the rectangular thing he was carrying towards Kyungsoo. “I finally got a game DVD! Now I can install games in the laptop and we can play games.”

Kyungsoo peered at the cover of the thing which he finally realized was a DVD case of a computer game. The picture was that of some temple ruins and a lady in a tank top, camo pants and brandishing a gun. The title spelled out “Tomb Raider” in both English and Hangul. “Did you steal this again?”

“What? No!” Chanyeol looked indignant and his lower lip stuck out in the familiar slight pout. “I bought it! I’ve been saving up money from missions and bought it for secondhand. How mean of you, Kyungsoo!”

Kyungsoo knew for a fact that Chanyeol was being sent on missions more frequently now. And not just the considerably safe side-client delivery missions. He was sent on surveillances, to big shipments of weaponry or drugs as the guard and to make sure nothing went wrong. Apparently, he was also getting paid for the jobs now that he was older. “And so, what are you going to do with this….game?”

“I’ll install it in the laptop so that I can play it. I’ll teach you too if you want!” Chanyeol said. “Maybe I can get a multiplayer game and controllers soon so that we can play together.”

Kyungsoo snorted and then turned away, even though he knew he was curious but he was trying to hide that fact out of embarrassment. “Games are a waste of time. Count me out.”

“You said that the last time as well and ended up watching more anime than I do,” Chanyeol’s voice was quietly teasing even as he elbowed Kyungsoo on his side. “Are you sure you really mean that?”

Kyungsoo felt his face grow hot out of embarrassment and he aimed a punch at the other who merely dodged with a laugh and then scuttled off towards his room before Kyungsoo could hit him again. As he rubbed the side where Chanyeol had previously nudged him, he also thought about how the boy was becoming touchier with him. Chanyeol didn’t hesitate from leaving chaste, soft touches on Kyungsoo’s arms, shoulders, head or back. Sometimes when they were just sitting watching anime, Chanyeol would absently lay his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder or link an arm around the other’s arm. Kyungsoo found it baffling but he never did pull away. Secretly, he liked all the touches, the affection.

Kyungsoo also noticed the change in the way Chanyeol talked to him now. He was way more open than before and talked in a more animated way. He even joked around sometimes, though his jokes usually always fell flat because Kyungsoo never really did understand them. It was almost like….Chanyeol thought of him as a friend.

 _Friend_. Kyungsoo was filled with a good feeling at that. Chanyeol was the first ever friend he had had and that made him feel glad in a way. He didn’t want anyone else as a first friend.

However, he couldn’t help but end up approaching Chanyeol about the game because he could never control his curiosity when it came to Chanyeol. He did extremely hate the knowing smirk the other gave him though and went extra hard on him in their next training as revenge.

…………………..

Kyungsoo never thought that the day would actually come but he could admit to himself that he was beginning to enjoy being in the hideout. If it was three years ago, he would be requesting as many missions as possible just to find something to do and not waste away by staying idle. But thanks to Chanyeol’s company, he was learning to live in a different manner.

He could only watch wide-eyed and awestruck as Chanyeol hit random keys in the keyboard and made his game avatar slash and burn as many enemies as possible. Chanyeol occasionally let out yells of victory when he got something right or groaned deeply when his character got killed. Kyungsoo more often than not found himself looking at Chanyeol’s reactions instead of the game. He played for what felt like hours with Kyungsoo watching the game (or him play).

When Chanyeol finally decided he had played enough for the day and exited the game with a sigh, he stretched while turning to look at Kyungsoo. “I feel kind of bad…that I was the only one playing. I’m….sorry, I’ll teach you the next time.”

Kyungsoo blinked. “I enjoyed it though,” he replied in his usual monotone. “I enjoyed watching you play.”

“You’re really straightforward,” Chanyeol gave a soft chuckle. “I like…that about you.”

Kyungsoo was baffled. He seemed to feel that emotion a lot around Chanyeol. But that was also because Chanyeol seemed to think the opposite of everything the other people he had met thought about him. People hated his guts because of his straightforwardness. Kyungsoo never beat around the bush. Nor did he ever find a reason to lie. To the people, his bluntness equaled to coldness so he had no idea why Chanyeol even thought differently. He turned to the other boy, meaning to ask about it but then he saw a strange sight. Chanyeol was making a face he had never seen him make before and his cheeks and ears were dusted a bright shade of red. “Chanyeol?”

“Ah! Yeah? Haha it’s really late, isn’t it?” Chanyeol’s voice was a pitch higher than his normal talking voice and Kyungsoo was immediately suspicious. “I’ve….uselessly kept you awake again! You s…should g…go to sleep! We….we have training tomorrow, d…don’t we?”

“Are you okay?” Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes even as Chanyeol actively made a point to completely avoid looking at him. His ears and cheeks were still red. “Your face is all flushed. Do you feel feverish or something?”  

“Huh? What? My face is not flushed! No…not at all!” Chanyeol gave a nervous laugh and rubbed his cheeks with his hands, like that was going to take the redness away. “Haha, maybe I’m just tired after playing for so long! We both should sleep!”

“Alright,” Kyungsoo finally conceded even as he continued giving Chanyeol a suspicious stare. “See you at training tomorrow then.”

As soon as he had retired to his own room, he stayed awake thinking about Chanyeol for a long time. He wondered why the boy had behaved the way he had and why he had turned so red. Chanyeol was truly….baffling.

The next morning Kyungsoo tried to see if Chanyeol acted the same way he had the previous night but there was no sign of that weirdness. Chanyeol behaved with him like he always did and every time Kyungsoo tried to bring up the topic, he quickly brushed it away with a completely irrelevant topic or an absurd question. Eventually, Kyungsoo stopped trying to ask and just concentrated on their training.

Like after every sparring training, they lounged about in the warehouse for some more time after they had stopped for the day, stretching and cooling off as well as trying to get themselves together. Kyungsoo leaned against a crate there after his stretching, sipping on water and watched as Chanyeol sauntered towards him with a groan and then flopped down next to him. Their knees and thighs touched and Kyungsoo felt strangely jittery about it.

“Move away,” he grumbled, making Chanyeol immediately shift. “You’re making me feel hotter.”

“Sorry,” Chanyeol answered meekly and took a sip out of his own bottle.

They sat in silence for some time, trying to gather their short breath and letting their bodies settle in the right temperature. Chanyeol gathered up his legs and hugged them, leaning his chin on his knees like the way he did when he got contemplative. “Kyungsoo,” he began softly. “Do you….hate it when I get too close to you?”

Kyungsoo turned to look at him sharply. “What do you mean?”

“I mean….I know that I’m…rather clingy. My previous friends used to tell me a lot about it,” Chanyeol began with a half-chuckle. “So….if I make you uncomfortable with my clinging then please tell me.”

Kyungsoo thought about it. About what he actually felt about Chanyeol’s clinginess. Mostly confusion, he thought. But he didn’t think he hated it. No, he definitely didn’t. There were times when he in fact really liked it.

“At first….it annoyed me a little,” Kyungsoo admitted, staring at the dirty and worn mat in front of him. “But not anymore. It confuses me, but I don’t mind it. Sometimes, I like it.”

When Kyungsoo turned around to look at Chanyeol, he saw the latter staring at him with a wondrous expression. He shyly averted his face way when he made eye-contact with Kyungsoo, a small smile on his lips and cheeks dusted the lightest pink. Kyungsoo wondered if that was even because of the exertion of the training. 

“Then, Kyungsoo,” he sounded really nervous as he spoke. “Will you….let me cuddle you?”

“No, we’re both sweaty,” Kyungsoo said flatly, and Chanyeol smile began dropping. “But….I guess you can after we’ve taken a bath….cuddle I mean.”

At that Chanyeol’s face immediately brightened up and he nodded eagerly.

True to his word, Kyungsoo headed on to Chanyeol’s room after he was done with a good long bath. His hair slightly frizzy because he had washed it and dressed in comfortable pajamas (if the other gang members saw him like that, they would be having a heart attack), he opened the familiar door to see Chanyeol also already dressed in his more comfortable oversized hoodies and track-pants, glasses slipping a little down the bridge of his nose as he hurriedly moved aside the books that were piling up on his bed. He turned to give a slightly rushed smile when he heard the door open. “Oh, hi! You’re here already! Wait, let me just…put away my books.”

Kyungsoo nodded and leaned against the wall, watching Chanyeol tidy up. “So….do we start cuddling right away?”

Chanyeol paused whatever he was doing, the tip of his ears beginning to take up a light tinge of red once again. Kyungsoo didn’t understand why he kept doing that. “Um…hahaha, we should probably talk first,” he spoke awkwardly. “I mean…I don’t know….just let’s talk?”

Kyungsoo shrugged and merely moved forward to sit on one side of Chanyeol’s bed. He didn’t mind anything. He could talk, provided they didn’t talk about anything that annoyed him. Chanyeol also followed suit after he had put away the last of his books and crawled up the bed to sit beside Kyungsoo. A silence descended on them as they both wondered what to talk about and a strange air of awkwardness surrounded them. Kyungsoo was beginning to get impatient and would’ve likely snapped if Chanyeol didn’t end up giving an embarrassed chuckle.

“We are both really bad at this,” he smiled. “Um…so let’s start it this way. Ask me any questions.”

“I don’t know what to ask,” Kyungsoo merely said. “You should begin first.”

“Oh, alright then,” Chanyeol hesitated a little at first before plowing forward. “Can I ask you something that is a little personal though?”

“Ask first. Then I’ll decide whether to answer or not.”

“What was your happiest memory if you had any?”

“What?” Kyungsoo was a little taken aback by the question. He had expected Chanyeol to ask every bit of personal questions possible but not this. Like always he was caught off-guard by the boy but quickly regained his composure.

“Surprisingly, I do have a happy memory. Only one as far as I remember,” he began calmly, while Chanyeol listened to him in rapt attention. “It was on my fifth birthday. My father took me out to a city and we went to watch a movie. I don’t remember what movie it was or what it was even about but I remember it made me laugh. It made me happy. I wanted to watch more so he took me to another cinema to watch a second movie and that made me happy too. He also took me to an amusement park and we wandered aimlessly around. He bought me ice-cream and let me try any ride that I wanted. I was a normal kid with his father for one day. And the very next, I was holding a knife, being taught where to stab it in a training dummy that looked too much like a real human.”

Even as Kyungsoo revealed the story, his mind provided him colorful and welcome images of that wonderful day and he became aware of what he craved. He wanted to live a normal life. He wanted to buy games and play like Chanyeol did. He wanted to satiate his curiosity about the world and do things every boy did. But moreover he wanted parents that would really love him, take care of him and didn’t treat him like he was merely a tool. Kyungsoo curled up on himself, suddenly vulnerable as wave after wave of foreign emotions hit him and it greatly confused as well as stressed him out. He had no idea how to decipher what he was feeling. He startled out of it only when he felt Chanyeol’s familiar warm arms circling around him and pulling him in for a warm embrace.

“I’m sorry I asked,” Chanyeol mumbled as he held him close, his warm breath fanning Kyungsoo’s earlobe. “I should’ve been more sensitive, I’m sorry. You…you deserve happiness, Kyungsoo. I’m glad…to find out you did experience happiness even if it was only once and I want to give it more to you.”

“There’s no reason for you to care,” Kyungsoo answered quietly.

“There’s _every_ reason for me to care,” Chanyeol instead insisted. “I want to make you happy, Kyungsoo. You deserve a life better than this. You deserve so much more. You….you…”

“Why?” Kyungsoo cut him off. “Why do you want to make me happy? Why do you care so much? Whether I’m happy or not shouldn’t even matter to you. Moreover, I’m the one responsible for the fact that you are stuck where you are now.”

“It does….matter to me,” Chanyeol replied with feeling. He pulled away from the hugging, making Kyungsoo immediately miss the warmth. “I care…because I want to. A…as for being stuck here, I don’t hate it as much as I used to.”

Kyungsoo stared at him incredulously, not really believing what he was hearing. It wasn’t the first time that Chanyeol had taken him completely by surprise and he had a feeling that it wouldn’t be the last time either.

“Kyungsoo….you were right about a few things regarding me. I’m not….a normal kid” Chanyeol hugged his legs to his chest. “You….wanted to know who I am, right? I…..was diagnosed as one of those special cases, a gifted child. I’ve always had an abnormally high IQ but I studied in a normal school because my parents wanted to treat me like a normal person and not set me apart or anything. I…..understood their sentiments well but….”

Chanyeol paused at that and Kyungsoo looked on at him, waiting for him to continue. He realized that this talk was going to be important for the both of them and he wanted to try to understand everything possible.

“….I never had a place out there. The other kids thought I was weird because I read so much books and made fun of me,” Chanyeol smiled humorlessly. “I was also made fun for wearing glasses and having big ears. A…along with being a gifted child, there was also….another thing. My counsellor told me I was also much more emotionally intelligent than anyone else. A hyper-sensitive child which meant….I felt more than anyone else did and honestly….the jibes and teasing hurt me more than it should’ve hurt a normal child. I’ve…never wanted more to be normal than anything else.”

“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo felt a strange pain in his heart as he listened on to the boy’s story. He wanted to do something, anything to stop him from making such a hurting expression. More than anything, he thought Chanyeol looked the best when he smiled.

“But then…..that night happened and suddenly I was pushed into a whole new world. I hated you so much in the beginning, you know?” Chanyeol chuckled again. “I also either wanted to die every day or wanted to desperately get out no matter what. But….then….you saved me and…and I began seeing you in a different light. I realized, as shady as this place is, it accepted me for who I am. _You_ accepted me for who I am. And…to me that means more than anything else.”

Chanyeol’s voice wobbled at the very end and he hid his head in his arms. His shoulders trembled a little and Kyungsoo had no doubt that he was crying. “Chanyeol.”

More than anything at the moment, Kyungsoo wanted to make the other boy stop crying, but he had no idea how to. Frustrated at his inability to do anything, Kyungsoo did the first thing that came to his mind and suddenly grabbed the back of the other’s neck. Chanyeol only had time to give a startled gasp before his head was being pulled down to be rested on Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

“You’re an idiot,” Kyungsoo couldn’t help but sound angry as he said that, while his fingers tangled themselves in Chanyeol’s soft black locks of hair. “You’re such an idiot! If you keep thinking like this all the time and let yourself trust someone so easily just because they saved you once, you’d die in no time! Why don’t you ever learn, Park Chanyeol?”

“Kyungsoo….” Chanyeol’s voice was soft from the surprise. “What….what are you doing?”

“You wanted to cuddle, didn’t you?” Kyungsoo grumbled even as his fingers seemed to move on autopilot and he went on softly threading his fingers through Chanyeol’s hair and scratching his scalp lightly. He decided he liked doing that. “So just shut up and cuddle.”

Kyungsoo felt Chanyeol trembled against him once more and then felt his arms sliding around his own waist. Chanyeol pulled him closer against him and then buried his face against his shoulder. Kyungsoo felt his shirt around his shoulder beginning to get wet and then shifted his own arm to wrap it around Chanyeol’s shoulders. They stayed together like that in silence for quite a while, until Chanyeol’s silent sobs lessened and his breathing got calmer.

A strange surge of a different feeling that Kyungsoo had never experienced before rose up in him. It was burning and rather urgent and his hold on Chanyeol tightened the slightest bit. He didn’t want to see Chanyeol crying. He didn’t want to see the boy hurt ever again. He didn’t know why he was feeling such a strong emotion, but he knew he wasn’t wrong about it.

“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol spoke out just then. His voice was a little raw and scratchy because of crying and for some reason Kyungsoo’s breath hitched hearing him speak. “Thank you. Really, thank you.”

Chanyeol shifted his position a little so that he could lift his face from where it was hidden against Kyungsoo’s shoulder and gazed at him. His glasses were askew and eyes red-rimmed. The skin on the apple of his cheeks were tear-stained and softly tinted with pink. “I’m….grateful….really, to have met you.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened, even as he couldn’t stop his gaze from roaming every bit of Chanyeol’s face. For some reason he couldn’t really comprehend, his eyes rested on Chanyeol’s lips, that were slightly parted and looked soft and moist. He was hit with a sudden powerful desire to feel those lips with his own. Almost instantly, the image of his father sucking on a woman’s face invaded his mind’s eye and he was deeply disgusted with himself. Was he beginning to have the same carnal desires as his father for _Chanyeol_ of all people?

“Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol’s voice shocked him out of his thoughts once again and he turned to see the latter staring at him, glasses still askew, eyes having a natural shine to them because of the tears he'd shed and head tilted slightly to the side with confusion. “Is….something wrong? You have a strange look on your face.”

 _No! Don’t look at me like that!_ Kyungsoo wanted to yell out but he held himself back. All he could do was look away before his desire became too much. He had no idea anymore whether he wanted to push away the other boy or pull him closer.

Just what exactly was Park Chanyeol doing to him?

^^^^^^^^^^^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> conclusion: they are both whipped and i can't WAIT to make them kiss!  
> having said that, i hope ya'll liked this chapter! i'm sorry once again for making you guys wait for so long!  
> and as always, if you think i deserve them, then do leave me kudos and comments. they make me happy <3


	8. Jealousy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i.....hated writing this chapter, that's why it took me so long. forgive me for being so late but argh this chapter really frustrated me. also, a bit of a forewarning, there is slight sexual talk here. not too much. this is probably my worst chapter yet, please forgive me but whatever happens is necessary for the plot development so do bear with me *mido joining her hands and asking for forgiveness*  
> anyway, you get to see jealous ksoo here. i hope you like this chapter more than i liked it

Kyungsoo admitted that there was a part of him that wanted his father to acknowledge him. After all, which kid didn’t want their father to be proud of them for their achievements, no matter how messed up said father was? But Kyungsoo also knew the kind of values his father had (or lack thereof). Maybe he was a bit of a hypocrite for hating his father’s dubious morality when he himself in-fact was no less than a criminal. Even so, being like his father was the last thing he wanted.

His strange want to kiss Chanyeol from the night before worried him a great deal. He wondered if, because of his father’s influence, he was beginning to want to have Chanyeol in _that_ way. He remembered from his biology studies that boys who hit puberty also had sexual maturity and were more prone to feeling sexual attractions during that period so he guessed it was a natural thing. However, in Kyungsoo’s mind this was _wrong_. It was wrong that he wanted bodily pleasure and Chanyeol was the last person he wanted to make a victim of his cravings. But he needed to take care of those feelings nevertheless. Because he found himself staring at Chanyeol’s lips for too long at the most inappropriate of times and he really needed to stop doing that.

So, Kyungsoo began seeking out others in their gang who would be willing to help him with his wants. This was the first ever time he needed this sort of favour and it made him apprehensive. Surprisingly enough, he did find someone who wanted to “help” him out. Kyungsoo found out that day that even if he intimidated a lot of people, he was also secretly desired by a number of them because apparently a lot of them found him really attractive. He didn’t know whether to be happy with that information or not.

The next few days saw Kyungsoo entering one or two new rooms apart from Chanyeol’s own in the dead of the night and getting pushed against the door or wall, lips hungrily on his own and the other person trying to devour him, consume his senses and his flesh. Kyungsoo found himself fighting back, gaining the upper-hand or sometimes losing it and kissing with a desperation like his life depended on it.

For the first few nights, it was only heated make-outs and nothing that went too explicit, what with Kyungsoo’s inexperience with the whole thing. But that one particular night when his helping partner wanted more and slipped his left hand into his pants to grab hold of his butt while his right hand’s fingers brushed lightly over his clothed member, Kyungsoo froze and recoiled, the disgust crawling under his skin as clear as day. He stopped his kiss midway and pushed off the guy, making him curse out in annoyance.

“What the fuck, brat?” the guy cursed, wiping his mouth. “You don’t just fucking cock-block someone like that when they are just getting to the main part!”

Kyungsoo shook his head, frowning and confused about why he was so disgusted. “This isn’t what I want.”

“Well, what the hell! You’re shitting me! You were the one who came to me saying you needed them, favors!” the man spat. He motioned to his lower-half. “What do you expect me to do about this then? Way to go, chickening out and leaving me like this!”

Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes in an annoyed glare at the man’s blabbering and he immediately shut up, suddenly seeming to realize that making an enemy out of Kyungsoo would be a mistake. “Oh? But who else can you blame other than yourself for getting hard so easily only after a few snogs and nothing else. I didn’t even do anything much. You’re just really weak, aren’t you?”

“I….” the man licked his lips, in part nervousness and part lechery, even as Kyungsoo began crowding forward and pushing the man backwards towards his bed. “I can’t help it! You’ve been voted by the whole hideout as the guy with the best ass and also as the number one guy everyone wants to fuck, perhaps rivalled by only that beanpole newbie…”

“Newbie?” Kyungsoo’s eyes narrowed as anger began simmering inside him. He pushed the man roughly and the man landed on his bed with a squawk. “You guys….how long have you all been eye-fucking _Chanyeol?_ ”

“I…I don’t know exactly when it started but….everyone thinks he is goddamn attractive,” the man gulped as he stared at Kyungsoo hovering over him. “D….don’t take this too seriously, boss! We only just talk about him! No way would we dare to even touch him! He….belongs to you after all!”

“Good, and I hope you keep it that way,” Kyungsoo’s voice was low and threatening. The fact that others in the gang were looking at Chanyeol in the wrong way was making him livid. He raked his eyes over the man’s shivering form. “Well now, you’ve been getting progressively harder eh? Strange kink you have. Also really weak. I’ve only been threatening you so far. Should I help you out?”

So saying, he experimentally pressed his palm over the man’s crotch. The man immediately groaned out in answer and his hips automatically bucked up. Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow in amusement. “Or maybe I should just leave you like this. You know, punishment for even daring to look at Chanyeol that way.”

“No! Goddamit, not that! Don’t leave me this way!” the man was _whining_ , making Kyungsoo smirk. “Please….boss! Do something about this, ugh!”

“Fine, I’ll humour you,” Kyungsoo muttered as he leaned forward and undid the clasp of the man’s belt. “But you will not touch me in the slightest or I’ll plant a dagger straight to your dick, understand?”

The man gulped and then squeezed his eyes shut. “Yes…..boss!”

“Good, now where’s the toy that I know you use on yourself?”

………………..

“You’re avoiding me.”

The accusation took Kyungsoo by surprise. With his mouth still full of noodles he turned around to see Chanyeol staring at him with a slight frown on his face. They had both taken to eating their dinner together and now they were seated currently in the community dining hall with their food.

“Am not,” Kyungsoo said easily after he swallowed down his food. “What makes you think so?”

Chanyeol’s frown only grew. “Kyungsoo, you literally spend all your time with me after our trainings and when you can’t you let me know. Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you just directly disappear these days without telling me anything.”

“Mm, I’ve been a little…busy,” Kyungsoo reasoned. Even in his ears the excuse sounded flat. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It slipped my mind.”

“And that’s another thing that seems suspicious. You don’t forget things easily but you say it slipped your mind,” Chanyeol pointed out. His frown faded and he began looking a little unsure. “Is it my fault? Did I do something to displease you?”

“You’ve done nothing, Chanyeol. Like I just said, I’ve been busy,” Kyungsoo finished the last bit of his food and then got up with his tray. Chanyeol followed suit. “I would like it if you don’t keep asking me about it.”

The expression that Chanyeol wore on his face looked like that of a puppy who was just denied his favorite snack. “Alright….if you say so.”

It was when the both of them had walked towards the platform near the kitchen where they needed to drop their trays in that Kyungsoo noticed it for the first time. There were many staring at them. Some stared blatantly and shamelessly, while some were a bit more subtle. Kyungsoo found a lot of them checking out his backside and he could just ignore those. What made his blood rush in an unexplainable rage was when he caught several lustful gazes directed at Chanyeol, with the boy being completely oblivious to them. When Chanyeol bent forward a little, Kyungsoo realized that because of his shirt being extremely oversized, the neckline hung low and showcased his collarbones for everyone to see. He had beautiful defined collarbones and a pretty neck with almost milky skin. Through his peripheral vision, Kyungsoo saw even their helper who did all the dishwashing, staring at Chanyeol.

“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo began as soon as they were out of the community dining and walking towards the sleeping quarters. “Do you have shirts that aren’t too oversized?”

“What? No, all my shirts are oversized,” Chanyeol turned to Kyungsoo in confusion. “Why are you suddenly asking me that, Kyungsoo?”

“I just wanted to know. Are you really sure though, that you don’t have slightly more fitting shirts? Not too fitting either,” Kyungsoo continued. “Or maybe, you could use a scarf or a muffler. It wouldn’t look too bad.”

Chanyeol stared at Kyungsoo like he had suddenly grown a limb from his head. “Kyungsoo, you’re acting really weird. And no, it’s not cold enough for a scarf so I’m not using one.”

“Ah, okay, it was just a suggestion. Never mind,” Kyungsoo muttered, looking away and trying to stay nonchalant about the fact that Chanyeol was staring at him still with the confused expression. He needed to think of another way to make Chanyeol not expose too much skin or catch the eyes of horny gang members.

When they both reached Chanyeol’s room and Kyungsoo was about to head off after bidding him a good night, Chanyeol stopped him by grabbing his shirt sleeve.

“Um…Kyungsoo, I don’t know what’s going on but I feel like something has been bothering you,” he was hesitant as he spoke. “I….I wanna say that if you wanna share I…I am willing to listen. I want to help you.”

“I’m alright. But, thank you,” Kyungsoo shook off his hand and then walked off, heart racing for some reason he didn’t understand. He frowned. What was happening to him?

He continued his “sessions” for a few more days, a little bothered that he wasn’t able to partake in sexual activities but his feeling continued to be the same as the first time he was nearly touched. He recoiled when fingers strayed too close to his private parts and he found he didn’t get any pleasure from prolonged make-outs. It didn’t make any sense. If anything, it just succeeded in making him more confused about why he had wanted to kiss Chanyeol the other night when he didn’t feel in need of sexual gratification in any way. He stopped his escapades soon when he realized it was getting him nowhere.

This resulted in a rumor that began spreading about him amidst the gang. People began whispering about his inability to have sex, that he was either a wimp or a prude and all sorts of other rude things. Kyungsoo didn’t care in the slightest bit and would’ve completely shut out everything had it not also reached Chanyeol’s ears.

“This isn’t right,” Chanyeol muttered every time he saw any member give Kyungsoo judgmental looks or heard a stray whisper of an insult. “Why are they calling you all those names? Like they even know anything about you!”

“You do realize nothing in this gang is right, right?” Kyungsoo stated with an eyebrow raised. “Besides they’ve always hated me so you don’t need to get bothered over this.”

“But still,” Chanyeol looked so genuinely upset that Kyungsoo felt almost amused. “This is just….they are calling you such rude names it….I don’t like it.”

“Well, what if what they are saying is right?”

“That still doesn’t give them an excuse for talking about you!” Chanyeol argued almost vehemently. “Why can’t they just…..I don’t know, leave you alone?”

“Thank you, Chanyeol but just ignore it all,” Kyungsoo continued speaking in his never-ending calm. “You will only succeed in further aggravating them if you continue reacting to everything they say.”

“I…if you say so. I’ll try,” Chanyeol muttered, his eyebrows knitted in a slight frown. “It’s hard though. I get so angry when I hear people talking like that about you. I like you too much to…..ah…”

Kyungsoo gave the other a blank stare when he abruptly stopped speaking. Chanyeol had a hand covering his mouth and he was rapidly turning red on his face. His eyes were blown wide and looked really panicked for reasons Kyungsoo couldn’t grasp. “You’re doing that thing again.”

“Huh?! I’m doing what? I’m doing nothing!” Chanyeol squeaked and then suddenly hurried away. “I…..I’ll ready the equipment a…..and stuff for training. See you in the s…s…shooting practice f….field, Kyungsoo!”

And just like that, Kyungsoo was left behind, bewildered and a little bit peeved. His curiosity only grew about why Chanyeol blushed so much around him nowadays.

…………………

Just when he thought things in the hideout couldn’t get more vexing, the surprising appearance of a new recruit put the cherry on top of everything else.

The sudden announcement during community breakfast one day about the fact that they had a new addition to the family and then introducing the guy himself took the whole place by storm. It was very unlike their leader to introduce new people so suddenly into their gang without prior information (with the exception of Chanyeol of course, who had caused an even greater uproar when he was brought into the hideout all those years ago). What disgruntled Kyungsoo more was the fact that his father hadn’t mentioned anything to him either about new people which made him highly suspicious because his father made sure to never leave him out of gang plans, with him being the heir and all.

Choi Tae Ho. Aged 20. Also a marksman type. Tall, rather handsome and wore a smirk that seemed permanently etched on his face. Kyungsoo would add “irritating” and “big-headed” into the list of descriptions regarding the man. The moment he had entered the place, he acted like he owned it. And what was worse was he made a bee-line towards where both Kyungsoo and Chanyeol were seated alone at the very last table. People usually knew to leave the both of them alone but apparently this man didn’t.

“Care if I join?” the man asked while his smirk still stayed intact. Kyungsoo felt really irked looking at his face. “You guys look like you need some company.”

Kyungsoo had no problem just flat out refusing but Chanyeol was too much of a nice idiot. An idiot who acted too impulsively for his liking.

“I…guess sure,” Chanyeol spoke out a little hesitantly. He clearly didn’t want new company but his considerate nature prevented him from saying no. Kyungsoo wanted to smack him. “I mean….it’s not a problem right, Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo didn’t answer directly, instead choosing to stare blankly at the other and letting his displeasure clearly show on his eyes (also successfully making Chanyeol wilt a little) before shrugging and going back to eating his meal.

“So one of you turned out the insolent little asshole, I see,” Tae Ho mocked while giving Kyungsoo the side-eye and then fully turned his attention towards Chanyeol. “You, though. What’s your name?”

Chanyeol flinched in surprise and then lowered his gaze, his socially awkward and guarded personality taking over. “C…Chanyeol.”

“Chanyeol, eh? That’s a pretty name. Suited for a pretty boy,” And then Kyungsoo just couldn’t believe his eyes when the guy stretched out his hand and expertly swiped his thumb on Chanyeol’s lower lip without warning. Taken aback and looking rather uncomfortable, even Chanyeol jerked away while Kyungsoo’s hold tightened unconsciously around his chopsticks. “Aw, you’re endearing too. Sorry, there was rice stuck on your lip and I had to do that.”

Then Tae Ho directly turned to look at Kyungsoo and put his thumb to his lip, eating the grain of rice he had just swiped from Chanyeol’s lip. A direct challenge. White hot rage ran through Kyungsoo’s entire self and he wondered just how much strength he would have to use to stab cleanly through with a pair of chopsticks. He’d never felt so much intense hate for anyone.

“Well, then I’ll see you around I guess, Chanyeol,” the guy Tae Ho grinned at the said boy and walked off, whistling.

A constipated silence descended upon the both of them after Tae Ho’s departure until Chanyeol broke it.

“I don’t like him,” his voice was quiet but with the discomfort he’d felt very noticeably showing.

“Well, I’m glad you don’t,” Kyungsoo could only dryly reply and then got up before he even finished eating everything. He gathered up his plates and bowls and walked off, too furious to even stomach the food.

………………….

The guy proved to be as stubborn as a limpet on a stone. He followed them around and also being under the marksman-type category gave him all the more reason to hang around Chanyeol every possible second. Kyungsoo felt his hate for him grow with each passing day. But he couldn’t really lash out without any reason either. He was aware that Choi Tae Ho was actually testing him.

“You’re only a fifteen year old kid and yet you’ve got such impeccable aim and steady hands!” Tae Ho remarked once Chanyeol had sniped around ten moving cardboard humans in quick succession. “Damn! I feel inferior! You’re a genius!”

“Ah ha ha, thank you I guess,” Chanyeol ducked his head shyly, the reaction somehow managing to tick Kyungsoo off even more. “I’ve just…..practiced a lot.”

“Wow! How about I begin to take lessons from you? You clearly seem to have better control than me,” Tae Ho exclaimed like he had thought of the most amazing idea in the entire world. “We can practice and spend more time together.”

“Or how about you stop bothering Chanyeol and maybe fuck off?” Kyungsoo finally snapped, walking up to the pair with folded arms from where he had been watching them practice shooting from the side. “Isn’t it clearly visible to you that he is uncomfortable?”

“Is this really the generation nowadays?” Tae Ho scoffed. “Where kids talk back to their elders?”

Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes. “Says the asshole who is trying to get into the pants of a minor.”

“And what if I am?”

“Chanyeol doesn’t want it. That’s enough reason for you to stop.”

“And how do you even know that? You’re not his owner.”

“But what if I am?” Kyungsoo echoed the other’s previous words raising his eyebrows. The tension between them was palpable and Kyungsoo swore he could feel electricity sparking off his skin in angry waves as both he and Tae Ho tried their best to stare each other down. He was only so close to whipping out a knife and driving it right between Tae Ho’s eyes.

“Um,” Chanyeol piped up just then and suddenly the tension dissipated a little. They had both kind of forgotten that he was there. “How about you both just stop?”

Tae Ho sighed and then pulled away. He ran a hand through his hair and then shot Chanyeol a blinding smile. “Well, if it’s you saying it then I’ll gladly stop. I’ll deal with the brat some other day.”

“I….I’d like it if you don’t ‘deal’ with Kyungsoo at all,” Kyungsoo’s head snapped towards Chanyeol at those words in surprise. The boy looked like he was about to panic any moment and his eyes were blown wide behind his glasses. Yet Chanyeol stood his ground with determination, obstinately trying to maintain eye-contact with Tae Ho even if he would rather hide in his room and not engage in the smallest conflict. Kyungsoo was suddenly reminded of the boy from three years ago, who had held his gun despite a broken wrist and a completely hopeless situation. Chanyeol was enigmatically fearless. “He is the only friend I have and I’ll be very happy if you….you stayed away from him.”

A strange but pleasant warmth filled Kyungsoo at that declaration and he also felt his face burning. He turned away, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible because he had a feeling he was blushing as hard as he had seen Chanyeol often do. It embarrassed him.

Tae Ho’s expression changed too. His smile stayed intact, but a hard and rather sinister look came in his eyes. Kyungsoo’s guard went up tenfold. “I see,” his voice was amicable enough but there was something about his smile that made Kyungsoo uneasy. “Ah well, I guess I’m not wanted here today. I’ll see you soon though.”

With a final wave of his hand, the man turned and walked off, leaving the two younger boys to stare on after him.

“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo began cautiously, still staring at the retreating figure. “From now on, I’d like you to be really careful of that man.”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol agreed. “You too, Kyungsoo.”

 

Choi Tae Ho didn’t stop trying to court Chanyeol. He did it blatantly and shamelessly now, sometimes making direct sexual innuendos that had Chanyeol looking downright scandalized. Kyungsoo knew it was all a tactic to piss him off. Unfortunately, he also knew that it was working. He had always had good control over his emotions but for some reason he just couldn’t control the rage and waves of ugly feelings when it concerned Chanyeol. He wondered why Chanyeol had such a strange hold on him.

However, Kyungsoo only had so much patience that held him back from doing anything too drastic. Tae Ho soon crossed the line and Kyungsoo decided that he wouldn’t be tolerating any more crap from him.

“What made you think sparring practice until 8:00 pm was a good idea?” Chanyeol groaned as they trudged back from the warehouse cum sparring training area to the living quarters. “I’m sore all over!”

“Consider this stamina building,” Kyungsoo answered back indifferently. “You get tired too easily.”

“I so do not! That’s such a lie!”

Kyungsoo mentally agreed. Chanyeol had built his stamina pretty well over the years and even his physical strength was almost more than Kyungsoo himself now, though his fighting technique was still a little lacking. He wasn’t going to reveal it, but one of Kyungsoo’s main reasons for making Chanyeol practice so late was so that the boy was involved with him and him only and that he didn’t have many opportunities to be occupied by anything else. Maybe it was going a little too much to the extreme but he was having a strange apprehension. He didn’t trust Choi Tae Ho in the slightest. “You still get tired faster than me.”

Chanyeol opened his mouth to refute and then closed it again. He didn’t have an argument against that. He turned away, pouting. “You’re too mean.”

Once again Kyungsoo found himself staring at Chanyeol’s lips, eyes tracing the way his lower lip jutted out slightly. Over the past few days he had noticed against his will that Chanyeol’s lower lip was bigger and fuller than his upper and he felt the strongest urge to bite it. Flushing at the image that immediately presented itself in his head, he turned away, vehemently trying to tamp down on whatever he was feeling. “You’re….just an idiot.”

“See? That’s why I say you’re mean! You never compliment me nor do you praise me for my achievements! All you do is criticize….oh shit!” Chanyeol came to a sudden halt and then slapped his forehead. Kyungsoo stopped too and looked at him in confusion. “I forgot my water bottle back at the warehouse!”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “And that’s why I say you’re an idiot.”

“Kyungsoo, you go ahead to my room,” Chanyeol suggested, beginning to turn around again. “I’ll quickly run back and get the bottle.”

“Why can’t you get it tomorrow?” Kyungsoo’s apprehension was back. “It’s only a bottle, isn’t it?”

“Well, I need that bottle,” Chanyeol answered. “I usually feel really thirsty at night so I always keep my bottle with me.”

“I’ll come along with you then.”

“Nah, that’s okay,” Chanyeol grinned. “I’ll be quick. Wait for me in my room.”

Normally Kyungsoo was just as mulish as Chanyeol and he would argue back but the rigorous practice had sort of drained him out as well. He found himself nodding his consent and then trudging off towards Chanyeol’s room even as the latter rushed back the way they had come.

He soon reached the room and then feeling a little skittish began arranging Chanyeol’s things in the room. He folded up the clothes that were strewn all around and fixed the bed cover. Chanyeol could be messy and Kyungsoo liked things orderly and neat.  After he was done cleaning up everything, Kyungsoo was suddenly left with nothing else to do and he ended up sitting on the floor waiting for Chanyeol to come back. The boy was taking much longer than necessary and after some time Kyungsoo’s apprehension came back in full force.

Almost thirty minutes passed and Kyungsoo was about to go looking for the other boy when he distinctly heard hurried footsteps and then the door swung open. Chanyeol looked haggard as he entered and Kyungsoo began sensing that something was wrong.

“Chanyeol,” he called out making the said guy jump and whirl around with widened eyes. He looked spooked and Kyungsoo frowned. “What’s wrong? Why did you…”

He stopped and his eyes zeroed in on details he had missed. Chanyeol absolute birds’ nest mess of hair, his rumpled up shirt (which Kyungsoo was almost hundred percent sure didn’t happen during their training since they hadn’t done grab-and-throw training that day) but more importantly the suspicious little dark mark that peaked from under his shirt collar. An icily cold feeling overtook him and he rapidly walked forward.

“Kyungsoo….” Chanyeol began speaking but he stopped in shock as Kyungsoo crowded on him against the door and hooked his right index finger in his shirt neck to pull it down and fully reveal the darkening bruise just above his collar bone.

“What is this?” Kyungsoo’s voice was deceptively calm. Inside, his blood was boiling. “Chanyeol, what took you so long?”

“I….I got ambushed,” Chanyeol’s voice was trembling. He shuddered violently when Kyungsoo gingerly brushed his thumb over the bruise. “I had…I had no idea he was lying in wait. He….He…”

“Who he?” Kyungsoo spoke softly. He still stared at the bruise. “Choi Tae Ho?”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol’s voice was small. When Kyungsoo looked up, he saw that the other was terrified.

“What exactly did he do?”

“He…ah, I was just coming out of the warehouse with my bottle a….and he, I didn’t know he was waiting outside,” Chanyeol stammered. “He took me by surprise and…and declared that he l…liked me. He began….kissing me then.”

Kyungsoo’s fist suddenly closed around the other’s shirt collar, making him flinch. He was beyond angry when he heard that. “Did he _touch_ you? Did he, Chanyeol?”

“N…no, he couldn’t go that far,” Chanyeol answered. “He only kissed me…and…and left me the h….hickey before I got away.”

It was only then that Kyungsoo looked up and realized that Chanyeol’s lips were red and slightly swollen. The assault of a variety of emotions Kyungsoo felt almost sent him reeling but he realized the one that stood out the most. It was an extreme sense of possessiveness that made him livid just to think someone had even _dared_ kiss Chanyeol before he did. Kyungsoo didn’t know when he began thinking that way but at the moment an ugly voice in his head was telling him to take action. He couldn’t let this go.

He let out a controlled sigh and lifted his hand to touch Chanyeol’s cheek softly. “I’m glad at least you didn’t get touched. Can I ask you some more questions?”

Chanyeol had flushed when Kyungsoo touched his cheek and now he looked away, eyebrows furrowed and slightly biting his lower lip. He was shy. Kyungsoo thought he looked pretty that way. “W…what questions?”

“When he kissed you, did you want it? Did you reciprocate the kiss?”

_If it was something that he didn’t mind or actually wanted, then I have no right to get angry._

Chanyeol instead looked revolted. “What? No, of course I didn’t want it! He…he kissed me without asking! I was angry….and a little scared.”

“That’s all I needed to know,” Kyungsoo nodded in satisfaction and then pulled away. He motioned for Chanyeol to get away from the door and then pulled down the handle. “You should rest and lock your door when you sleep.”

“Wait,” Chanyeol called out. There was a hint of fear in his voice. “Kyungsoo, what are you planning to do?”

“Nothing you should be worried about,” was the reply before Kyungsoo exited and the door clicked shut.

That night the boy waited for the whole base to be asleep before silently heading out and making for the room which he knew was sheltering his adversary. The dead silence of the night was only broken by the metallic click of the flick on a handgun’s safety. Kyungsoo had foregone the familiarity of his daggers for a night.

He found the door that he was looking for and then tried the handle. It didn’t let on but Kyungsoo wasn’t bothered in the slightest. He pulled out the bobby pins he had had the presence of mind to bring along and effortlessly picked the lock. Before opening the door, he slathered the door joints with oil so that it swung open without a sound.

The room was, as expected, in complete darkness and Kyungsoo could make out the dark shape that was the bed in the corner of the room. The lump he was hoping to see was also lying on top of it, deep asleep and unsuspecting. Padding forward as silently as a cat, Kyungsoo reached the bedside and observed the sleeping figure on it. Tae Ho looked peaceful, like he hadn’t forcefully kissed an unwilling guy that evening. Recalling Chanyeol’s disheveled appearance and frightened eyes, Kyungsoo’s blood boiled all over again.

“You wanted to learn shooting, didn’t you?” Kyungsoo murmured all the while staring at the man below him and cocking his gun. “Well, you don’t need Chanyeol for it. I know how to use a gun too.”

Tae Ho’s eyes snapped open all of a sudden but by that time Kyungsoo was already pushing a pillow at his face. He only saw a glimpse of the man’s abject terror in his eyes before the thick pillow muffled his cries. Kyungsoo climbed on top of Tae Ho’s struggling form in order to pin him down all the while vehemently keeping the pillow in place. Pushing the barrel of the gun against the pillow next, Kyungsoo pulled the trigger. There was a muffled sound and a sudden rain of pillow feathers. Then Tae Ho’s body went still.

Kyungsoo calmly climbed off the body and then wiped off the barrel of the gun on the pillow. He sent one last look at the body before turning and walking away.

The next day, the gang was unspeakably tensed. No doubt they had heard by then that Tae Ho had died being shot while he was asleep. When Kyungsoo walked into the community dining for his breakfast, the whole place fell in a constipated silence and stared at the boy as he made for where the food was being served. He made for his usual table alone. Usually he came for breakfast together with Chanyeol, but for some reason he found himself avoiding the other. He had a feeling Chanyeol wouldn’t be pleased with what he had done.

His feeling was proved right when he saw Chanyeol stalk up to him when he just began eating, fists clenched and a grim expression on his face. “Kyungsoo, we need to talk.”

Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow. “I’m eating.”

“That can wait,” Chanyeol nearly growled as he grabbed hold of Kyungsoo’s hand and forcibly pulled him along, breakfast forgotten. This was the first time Chanyeol was doing something like this and Kyungsoo realized that the boy was extremely displeased with him.

They both reached Chanyeol’s room. After both of them were inside, Chanyeol shut the door and then turned to face Kyungsoo. He wore the most severe frown Kyungsoo had ever seen him wear and when he crossed his arms, he actually gave off a rather intimidating aura. “Is it true?”

“What is?” Kyungsoo knew very well what he was talking about but he still had to ask that anyway.

Chanyeol made an exasperated noise and shook his head. “Kyungsoo!” he said reproachfully.

“Fine. Yes, I did kill him,” Kyungsoo finally answered. “And what of it?”

“Why?” Chanyeol looked more pained than angry now. Kyungsoo’s eyebrows shot up.

“Are you really asking me that?” he spoke slowly out of the incredulity he felt. “Chanyeol…that guy forced himself on you and goodness knows what else he would’ve done had you not been able to get away. Didn’t you tell me you didn’t like what he did? Didn’t you hate him too?”

“Yes! But I didn’t want you to kill him!” Chanyeol sounded distressed. “Kyungsoo, you don’t just…go around killing anyone who pisses you off! That’s just…..that won’t solve anything!”

“So I was supposed to leave him? So that he would have more opportunities to….mess with you?” Kyungsoo vaguely realized that his voice was rising. There was a tensed and uncomfortable knot in his chest and he felt pained. He didn’t get it. Why wasn’t Chanyeol understanding? “Chanyeol, he……Choi Tae Ho was dangerous! I couldn’t just leave him!”

“Killing isn’t right either!” Chanyeol cried. He was making that face, where he looked pained and despairing at the same time. Like he was deeply disappointed. Kyungsoo hated that face. “I…I don’t understand, Kyungsoo. Is it that easy to take a life? How can you just….. _kill_? I thought….I thought….” He stopped and bit his lip.

Kyungsoo’s chest felt tight and his stomach was twisting in the most upsetting way possible. He didn’t like this argument. He didn’t like to think of the fact that he had disappointed Chanyeol. He opened his mouth to answer but just then a knock sounded on the door and made them both jump.

The door swung open just then and one of the guys who worked the closest with the gang boss poked his head through. A foreboding chill immediately settled on Kyungsoo. This couldn’t be good. “Yo Winter Child, the Boss wants to see you.”

Kyungsoo face settled on a grim expression and he merely nodded his head. He had an inkling of what was to come next. He turned one last time to look at Chanyeol who was staring back at him with a worried look gracing his face. Their eyes met and then Kyungsoo turned away, letting the man escort him to his father.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope the chapter wasn't too bad. like i said, what i wrote is kinda necessary for ksoo's character development especially and also for the plot to reach its final climax. gah, it was so hard writing this! and tbh, i've never really written blatantly about sexual content and that's why it was harder and alright i'm rambling. but hopefully, the next chapter should make up for this crap bsjskkk.  
> anyway, thank you lovely eris for all your support and love. like always if you think i deserve it do leave me kudos and comments. those motivate me more than anything else ^^


	9. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND I HAVE MANAGED TO UPDATE IN RECORD TIME SKREEEEEEEE! Two reasons: 1) i was really excited for this chapter (you will know why when you read it) 2) exams are starting after a week and i'm gonna be really busy but i didn't wanna leave you guys on a cliffhanger so.......HERE YOU GO!  
> i hope the chapter doesn't feel too rushed because i wrote it really fast (IDEK HOW I MANAGED TO WRITE ALMOST 9K WORDS SO FAST) and excuse any typos or grammatical errors (and REPETITIONS! coz i know those can be annoying) i might have missed because i couldn't do thorough editing. I hope you give lots of love to this chapter because i poured a lot of my love and shiny feelings into it!
> 
> warning: fluff, fluff and lots and lots of fluff. kyungsoo especially is the softest cinnamon roll and i love him to death :') and also, they are both idiots

“You surprisingly went _very_ out of hand, dear son. And it’s the first ever time.”

Kyungsoo winced both at his father’s smooth voice as well as at the cold metal he could feel circling both his wrists behind his back. There was an audible ‘click’ and he knew that the handcuffs were now locked and secured. “What are you going to do?”

“Why, training of course!” his father sounded irritatingly happy. “I wanna see just how well you can use your legs and defend yourself. You’re not allowed to use your hands. And every time you receive a hit from my side, I get to ask a question. Deal?”

Kyungsoo opted to stay silent, glowering at his father’s maniacal sense of entertainment. It was probably the wrong decision to take because suddenly the man struck out with the back of his hand and the sheer force threw Kyungsoo to the floor. He hissed in pain even as he tried to drag himself up to a sitting position, cheek smarting and mouth filled with a familiar metallic taste. He’d accidentally bitten the inside of his cheek.

“Answer when I ask you a question, kid,” the man’s voice was icy. “Now since you got the first hit, let me ask you the first question. Why did you kill my newest recruit?”

“He pissed me off, that’s all,” Kyungsoo spat, managing to get to his feet. He’d decided to give his father as little answers as possible. He didn’t want his father to know that Chanyeol was the actual reason. “Why did you get a new recruit and not tell me anyway?”

He was surprised with a strong hook-punch to his stomach and he doubled over, wheezing and winded. “Who told you that you could ask me questions, brat? Second hit, so next question. Is it because of the brat that you’re so fond of?”

“Chanyeol has nothing to do with this,” Kyungsoo answered while gritting his teeth and gathering his bearings back.

“I don’t believe that for even a second,” his father mocked and then suddenly swung his leg around in a spin kick. But this time, Kyungsoo was anticipating it and quickly dodged it by leaning away. His father didn’t lose a millisecond and quickly shot out another kick, which Kyungsoo managed to dodge again. Taking chance of the slightest pause between when his father changed his legs for a next kick, Kyungsoo took off running. He tried to bypass the man and make for the table where he could see the keys to the handcuffs were kept but then he felt a strong and painful tug on his scalp and he realized he’d run too close to his father’s reach, giving the man the opportunity to grab his hair. Kyungsoo couldn’t stop the cry of pain that escaped his lips when he got brutally pulled back by his hair and thrown to the ground. His head hit the floor and Kyungsoo saw stars.

His father didn’t pause even for a minute and began kicking him relentlessly as he lay on the floor. Kyungsoo clenched his teeth, trying not to make a sound as he received bruising blows after blows on his side, desperately trying to shield his face as much as he could what with his hands bound behind his back.

His father shouted abuses as he kicked. “You’re pathetic!” _kick._ “So you’ve been sucking your protégé’s dick?” _kick._ “My son is a failure _and_ a homo!” _kick._ “The gods must take me as a joke to give me you!” _kick._

Kyungsoo tried all he could to bear it all. He really did. But his father’s maniacal laughter grated his ears and he couldn’t control the few tears that squeezed out of the corner of eyes. He was just disappointing every one left and right, wasn’t he?

The kicks stopped coming just then and suddenly the older man’s hands were on Kyungsoo’s throat. His eyes widened and he put up a vehement struggle against it but then his father pinned him down and began squeezing his neck slowly. Agitated and frightened, Kyungsoo struggled even harder but that just prompted his father to tighten his hold.

“Don’t think that I can’t kill you, son,” the man murmured, his eyes flashing dangerously. “The only reason I’m not breaking any bones today is because I need you to go for an important mission soon.”

Kyungsoo gasped, getting frantic now. He was straining against the handcuffs behind his back and was aware of the metal cutting through his flesh. An ominous blackness was crawling up from the corners of his vision and he began feeling lightheaded. Only when he was on the brink of unconsciousness did his father let go and Kyungsoo immediately gulped in a breath of fresh air, hacking as he did.

“Enough training session for today,” his father huffed and threw the handcuff’s set of keys on the floor. “Free yourself and get out of here.” So saying, he adjusted his own shirt, ran a hand through his hair and walked out.

Kyungsoo dragged himself up, feeling bruised all over. His right side especially flared with pain from where his father had kicked him mercilessly and he wondered if he’d by chance broken any ribs. Somehow managing to get hold of the keys, he got to his feet and stumbled out of his father’s study.

Walking felt like the most tedious chore as Kyungsoo tried to navigate the house through his vision that was hazy because of the pain he was in and in irritation cursed the fact that his room was so far away. For some reason, he thought of Chanyeol as he walked and a different sort of pain spiked up in his chest. He wanted, no _needed_ the other boy with him at the moment. Again, Kyungsoo didn’t know since when he had even begun thinking in that way.

After what seemed like an age, he finally reached a familiar looking corridor and the door of his room came into sight. But he was too drained to even open the door to his room and he ended up somehow sliding down against it and on the ground, exhausted and in pain. He closed his eyes, thinking how he still wished Chanyeol was there with him.

He didn’t know exactly how long had passed with him drifting in and out of a fitful sleep still outside his room and with his hands tied behind his back but then he was stirred from his slumber by what distinctly sounded like footsteps he recognized. The deep voice he had been wishing to hear soon followed.

“Kyungsoo….” The voice began and then stopped only to give a horrified exclamation next. A patter of running feet and the next moment, Kyungsoo felt a presence in front of him and two warm hands gently holding him by the shoulders and helping him up. “What happened?! Why are you here, all beaten up and injured? Who did this to you?!”

“Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo opened his eyes with an effort and blearily gazed the worried face of the other boy in front of him. “You’re here?”

“Yes….yeah, Kyungsoo, I’m here! I’m here! I’m not leaving you. I’m…..oh god, I’m so sorry,” Chanyeol was rambling and close to tears as he examined Kyungsoo’s face for injuries and fussed over him. “I’m so sorry, this happened. Oh god! Let’s take you to the room and tend those wounds. Come on.”

“My hands first,” Kyungsoo grunted as he pushed off the door and tried to sit upright with Chanyeol’s help. “The…..key is in my hand.”

“Oh! Yeah, okay I got it,” Chanyeol reached for the keys and then quickly unlocked the handcuffs. Kyungsoo sighed in relief and brought forward his hands to gingerly touch the deep cuts on his wrists. Chanyeol stared at them with his face contorted in worry. “Let’s get inside, Kyungsoo. Let me do something about those wounds.”

Kyungsoo only wordlessly nodded and let Chanyeol help him up. The door swung open and the latter helped Kyungsoo walk up till the bed. Once he reached the bed, Kyungsoo sat down with a groan.

“Where is the first aid kit, Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol asked. “We should disinfect and dress your wounds.”

“Bathroom. The mirror cabinet,” Kyungsoo muttered.

Chanyeol was gone in a flash to fetch the First aid kit. Good thing was Kyungsoo’s bathroom was attached to his room so it didn’t take him too long to find it. He sat down beside Kyungsoo on the bed and then turned to face him. “Let me look at those wounds. I’ll tend to the hand ones first.”

Kyungsoo handed his wrists to Chanyeol without an argument and watch him closely while he first cleaned the wounds with an antiseptic and then gingerly dabbed them with medicine. His brows were furrowed with concentration and Kyungsoo found himself staring at the boy’s face. There was a knot beginning to form in his stomach and Kyungsoo felt a strong urge to scoot in closer and lift Chanyeol’s face up just so that he could admire it some more.

“Alright, your hands are done,” Chanyeol spoke just then, startling him a little and then looked up with a soft reassuring smile even when his eyebrows were still knitted with worry. Kyungsoo’s heart skipped and he carefully avoided looking at Chanyeol in the eyes. He felt his chest doing something crazy as Chanyeol shifted a little nearer and lifted Kyungsoo’s head with a light touch to his chin. “You’ve got a cut on your temple. Let me dress that next.”

Kyungsoo momentarily forgot to breathe when he realized just how close Chanyeol was to him as he repeated the same process and began cleaning the cut on his head. He stared shamelessly, ogling Chanyeol’s face and tracing out the features in his mind; like how his wide pretty eyes were shaped like cherry blossom petals but were sharply pointed in the end and that his irises were two shades darker than Kyungsoo’s own, how he had the perfect nose with the only blemish being the smattering of freckles and the tiny mole on the tip which only increased his appeal all the more, and how soft and plush his lips looked as well as the cute way they were pursed while Chanyeol dabbed away at the wound diligently. He broke into another small reassuring smile when he was done with that wound too. “Another one done!”

Chanyeol eyes shifted just then and rested on Kyungsoo’s neck. Frowning once more, he dipped down a little to look at his neck properly and made a disbelieving sound. “There are bruises on your neck!” he exclaimed and he sounded angry. “Did your father try to _choke_ you? Like what the fuck? He…..”

Kyungsoo didn’t know what he was even thinking except vaguely realizing that he couldn’t stop himself anymore. He lurched forward and pressed his lips against Chanyeol’s, effectively shutting him up while he was speaking. An electric shock passed through him the moment his lips made contact with the other boy’s and Kyungsoo found himself moving closer, press harder even as he took Chanyeol’s lower lip between his own and sucked it the way he had been wanting to for so many days. It was only when Chanyeol didn’t respond that Kyungsoo pulled away, blood roaring in his ears and heart hammering harder than ever. The weight of what he had just done dawned on him as he looked up and examined the other.

Chanyeol was stock still, face flushed the deepest red Kyungsoo had ever seen faces flush, mouth hanging open and eyes widened in shock. He was a bumbling, stammering mess the very next moment. “Kyungsoo….what—how….why….”

“Sorry,” Kyungsoo murmured, ashamed of himself and began moving away. But then Chanyeol grabbed hold of his hand and stopped him, keeping him in place. Surprised, Kyungsoo stayed still and then studied Chanyeol’s face again. Chanyeol was still red-faced and doing his hardest not to look at him directly. He looked a little scared and his eyebrows were furrowed but yet he held onto Kyungsoo’s hand. “Chanyeol….did you like it when I kissed you?”

Chanyeol startled a little but refused to say anything. He seemed to blush harder as he faced Kyungsoo and opened his mouth to answer but hesitated. His eyes flicked quickly to Kyungsoo’s lips and that was all that Kyungsoo needed to make his next decision.

He moved forward again and then captured Chanyeol’s lips in another kiss, this time not as urgent or desperate because he was a little unsure himself. He nearly melted in his relief when he felt Chanyeol relax against him and hesitantly kiss back. He moved almost unconsciously and found his fingers tangle in the other’s hair, tilting his head to the angle he wanted and kissing a little bit more enthusiastically. Chanyeol tried to follow as much as possible, a little sloppy because he had never kissed anyone before. But sloppiness didn’t matter to Kyungsoo, because every time Chanyeol responded to his kisses his heart-rate kicked up tenfold and his insides burned like he was about to combust. Kyungsoo felt like he was going crazy yet it felt so good that he never wanted to stop. He pressed a little closer, almost on top of Chanyeol’s lap now and the sides of his mouth getting rather moist. He dragged his teeth over Chanyeol’s lower lip and the boy’s breath hitched. He let out a soft whimper and Kyungsoo suddenly felt his face blazing. Chanyeol was doing _things_ to him, making him feel stuff that Kyungsoo never thought he was capable of feeling. Driven by his want, Kyungsoo parted his lips and gingerly licked Chanyeol’s lip causing the boy to gasp in shock and then taking the chance to push his tongue in. He ran the tip of his tongue on the other’s teeth but then suddenly Chanyeol was pulling away and Kyungsoo was left feeling cold and empty.

Kyungsoo opened his eyes, quickly wiping his mouth and stared at the other boy in confusion. “Chanyeol…”

“I….I’ll go get Dr. Zhang,” Chanyeol shot to his feet and then scuttled out of the room before the other could even blink.

Kyungsoo sat where he was, unmoving and bewildered even as he stared at the door that had swung shut a few minutes back. He touched his lips with his fingertips and thought back to the kiss. It had been a good kiss, felt amazing even and Kyungsoo really liked it. It was different from the ones he had experienced in his escapades with his partner. While those kisses had disinterested him and made him feel like they were nothing special, kissing Chanyeol had filled him with this rush that Kyungsoo wanted to feel all over again. Kissing Chanyeol felt _right._ Kyungsoo thought he could kiss Chanyeol for forever and still never get tired of it. But then he thought about Chanyeol pulling away and rushing out of the door and wondered if somehow he’d done something wrong. He didn’t want to disappoint Chanyeol again.

…………….

“My, my, your father really did a number on you this time, didn’t he?”

Kyungsoo winced when Dr. Zhang pressed his fingers on the bruises that were now beginning to darken on his cheek and forehead. Dr. Zhang tut-tutted in displeasure and pity. “What a ridiculous man! Not taking care of a son like he is supposed to! Psh, he should be thrown into prison for this!”

Kyungsoo cracked a smile. Other than Chanyeol, Dr. Zhang was the only other person he liked and trusted. Dr. Zhang Yixing wasn’t a member of their gang but he never refused first-aid whenever anyone from the gang needed it. That’s why he had gained the status as the gang-doctor even though he lived a life that was completely unassociated to the mafia and had a lovely family consisting of his wife and daughter.

“Did he break your bones again this time?” Dr. Zhang mused as his hands roamed from his face to expertly pressing his sides. Kyungsoo hissed when Dr. Zhang’s hands found the areas where he had repeatedly gotten kicked by his father, causing the man to raise his eyebrows. “Well, I can feel no broken ribs but you’re definitely going to get some beautiful bruises. Take off your shirt once.”

Kyungsoo complied and just like the doctor had stated, two dark and long bruises had formed on both sides of his abdomen. Dr. Zhang tsk-d once more and pressed ice packs to the bruised areas. “Hold them in place, will you, Kyungsoo? There’s nothing much I have to do since your friend seems to have already dressed your open wounds. I’ll issue you some painkillers and…..”

“Where’s Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo interrupted, making Dr. Zhang look at him with raised eyebrows. Kyungsoo avoided the inquiring look and repeated what he had asked.

“If I’m not wrong, I heard him saying he was going to go talk to the cook about making some chicken soup or something,” Dr. Zhang answered. He then gave Kyungsoo a meaningful look. “You seem very fond of the boy, Kyungsoo.”

“I…I don’t know,” Kyungsoo muttered instead, eyebrows pinching and feeling his chest squeeze in a way that was getting increasingly familiar now. “I feel like I did something wrong. I just….don’t want to disappoint him again. I don’t want him to hate me.”

Dr. Zhang looked momentarily surprised and then gave a fond dimpled smile. He patted Kyungsoo’s head. “I wouldn’t worry too much if I were you. Chanyeol likes you a lot so he would never hate you.”

“Are you sure? Because….I don’t think I’m a very likeable person,” Kyungsoo frowned as he said that. “He only….likes me because he is a good guy.”

Dr. Zhang burst out laughing making Kyungsoo look at him in confusion. “You’re a brilliant boy but I think you need to work on your people skills, Kyungsoo-yah,” he grinned. “Do you not realize the way Chanyeol is around you? I don’t even meet you boys that often but even I can see it. That boy is practically in love with you! And now looking at you, I think you’re the same.”

That only served more to add to Kyungsoo’s bewilderment. He was about to ask more questions to the doctor but then Dr. Zhang looked at his watch and announced that he had to get going.

“I have other patients waiting for me back in my clinic,” he said, smiling kindly at Kyungsoo once again. “Take care, Kyungsoo. And don’t forget to take your medicines on time.”

Dr. Zhang left and Kyungsoo sat feeling more lost than ever. He kept pondering on the doctor’s words and began wondering if Chanyeol really was in love with him. He would never know because he had no idea what being in love felt like. He was only distracted from his thoughts because of the click of his door handle and he looked up to see a familiar figure entering.

“I got you food….hah…” Chanyeol ended his words in a high pitched squeak. He carried a tray that looked like it had a bowl of steaming soup and bread sticks. He was also trying his hardest not to look at Kyungsoo. Seeing Chanyeol like that, Kyungsoo also began feeling awkward.

“What happened?” he questioned quietly, taking care not to meet Chanyeol’s eyes.

“I…I was just surprised to see you without a shirt haha,” Chanyeol laughed awkwardly and moved forward to place the tray next to Kyungsoo on his bed. “I made chicken soup. My mom always used to say it’s the best comfort food when you’re hurt or sick and…..I thought you wouldn’t have much of an appetite after such an….unpleasant experience with your father.”

“You made the chicken soup?” Kyungsoo looked at him in surprise. “I didn’t know you could cook.”

Chanyeol ducked his head bashfully. “It’s my first time.”

That prompted Kyungsoo to immediately pick up the bowl of soup and taste it with renewed eagerness. His eyebrows shot up as soon as he had the first spoon and that quickly followed with three more generous spoonful of soup. “This is really good.”

“Thank you,” Chanyeol replied with a relieved smile.

After that, the awkwardness was suddenly back and the silence felt heavier than it had ever felt before. Kyungsoo fidgeted and felt like he needed to say something. He needed to make things right. “About that time, the k…”

“You know, you should sleep for a bit,” Chanyeol interrupted him loudly. “Like…..sleep off the pain. That’s what I mean. And don’t forget to take your medicine after you’re done with the soup.”

Kyungsoo felt himself deflate and he snapped his mouth shut. He turned back to frown at the bowl of soup, mind reeling with the realization that Chanyeol didn’t want to talk to him. “Yeah….yeah, I won’t forget.”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol echoed softly and awkwardly. He turned for the door. “I’ll…..get going then.”

As he exited and the door shut behind him with a click, Kyungsoo found himself aimlessly staring at the floor, bothered and insecure. He wondered where he had gone wrong.

……………

The next two or three days continued in that fashion. Chanyeol didn’t exactly ignore Kyungsoo but he put a certain distance between them and in the way they talked. He still inquired after him and nagged him to take his painkillers on time. But Chanyeol kept up a strangely professional relationship with him now. No more fond touches and playful nudging. No more teasing and cryptic jokes that the other never understood. Kyungsoo absolutely hated it. But every time he tried to talk to Chanyeol about it, the former shut him down with a complete change in subject or just more avoidance. He also no longer looked Kyungsoo directly in the eyes. It was like they had digressed back to how they were when he had first arrived in the gang.

It did however give Kyungsoo a lot of opportunity to think about himself and conduct thorough self-study. He understood himself through his relationship with Chanyeol, became aware of all that he liked and disliked as well as understood emotions far better than he had ever before. He had decided that kissing Chanyeol had certainly been different than kissing others yet the fact that it didn’t arouse any sexual cravings in him didn’t change. He didn’t want bodily pleasure from Chanyeol either. He had only liked kissing him but when he thought about doing anything sexual with Chanyeol it still ended up making him feel uncomfortable.

On the other hand, he found himself caring about the smallest things Chanyeol did. Like when he made him more chicken soup or some other food items, Kyungsoo found himself cherishing the gestures more and held on to the warm feelings for long periods of time. He began feeling empty and lacking because of the strange distance between them and wondered constantly if he had somehow hurt Chanyeol or made him feel uncomfortable. He especially began caring about the way he thought Chanyeol thought about him. He began feeling reluctant of sparring with Chanyeol in the fear of accidentally hurting him even more.

Kyungsoo realized he thought about Chanyeol in and out every day and almost every second. He realized as much as he understood things now it served to confuse him all the more. He wanted to be with Chanyeol no matter what but at the same time didn’t want to bother him in any way. Kyungsoo felt like he was going crazy.

On the fourth day of both of them avoiding each other, Kyungsoo found himself walking rapidly towards where he knew Dr. Zhang’s house was situated. They all lived in the suburbs, both their base as well as Dr. Zhang so he didn’t have to walk too far to reach the only decent and neat looking little cottage in their otherwise shady neighbourhood. Kyungsoo only hesitated for the slightest bit before pressing on the doorbell switch.

After about two minutes the door swung open and Dr. Zhang’s pretty wife poked her head through curiously. Her face lit up with a smile when she saw it was Kyungsoo. She had met him one or two times and liked him a great deal. “Oh Kyungsoo! It’s been so long! How have you been?”

“I’ve been okay,” Kyungsoo gave her a small formal bow. “Is Dr. Zhang home?”

“Yes, he is. Let me call him. Why don’t you come inside?” so saying, Mrs. Zhang left the door open for Kyungsoo to come in even as she herself hollered out something in Chinese, clearly calling for her husband.

Kyungsoo came in a little hesitantly, taking in everything with wondrous eyes. It wasn’t the first time that he had visited Dr. Zhang’s house but it still never ceased to fill him with childish awe. This was what the house of a normal and happy family looked like. Something he’d always wanted to experience but never could really have. His thoughts were interrupted when he heard a new set of footsteps and then Dr. Zhang appeared before him.

“Kyungsoo!” he smiled, showing both his dimples. “What brings you here today? Anything bothering you? Do you need more medicines?”

“No, I…” Kyungsoo suddenly felt embarrassed and rubbed the back of his neck. “There were just….some things I wanted to talk with you about.”

“Oh? And those are? Why don’t we go to my clinic office and talk there?” Dr. Zhang offered easily and then turned to his wife. “Honey, why don’t you bring the boy some snacks while we go to my office to talk?”

Mrs. Zhang agreed with a warm smile and let Dr. Zhang lead Kyungsoo to the pristine and neat little clinic office.  Kyungsoo once again observed the office with wondrous eyes.

Dr. Zhang did some quick tidying up like stacking up all the work papers and folders on his table neatly and then pulled up an extra chair for Kyungsoo to sit while he himself sat down on his own chair. “Now, Kyungsoo, tell me how can I help you?”

Kyungsoo hesitated a little in the beginning, wondering how to start and then let out a sigh. Squeezing his own hands out of anxiety he decided to plow in headfirst. “I wanted to ask you…..about the thing you told me all those days ago.”

Dr. Zhang raised his eyebrows. “And what did I tell you about?”

“That….Chanyeol was practically in love with me…..or that maybe I was in love with him too” Kyungsoo answered. “It’s been bothering me. I don’t know what love is like. I don’t understand what being in love feels like.”

“Oh!” Dr. Zhang looked surprised. “Well now, I honestly wasn’t expecting you to ask me such a question. Hm……what is love huh?”

Kyungsoo felt rather apprehensive as he looked at Dr. Zhang being in deep thought. He didn’t know what to expect and he was equal parts fearful as well as curious.

“Love isn’t actually of only a single type. The love you feel for a friend is different, the love you feel for your family is different and the love you feel towards a lover is _definitely_ different. Judging from your question, I’m guessing that the kind of love that you want to understand is the third type,” Dr. Zhang leaned forward a little, a happy smile playing on his lips. “First tell me, Kyungsoo-yah, what do you feel like when you’re around Chanyeol?”

“He….he makes me happy and content,” Kyungsoo felt strangely shy when he began talking about his feelings for Chanyeol, like he was talking about something very intimate. “I feel safe and at peace when Chanyeol is around me. I want to make him happy in return and make sure that he doesn’t get hurt in any way. He makes me worried if he is in danger or hurt. I want to please him in any way possible and I want him to like me. He…..makes the days in the hideout feel better for me. I don’t even fear my dad that much when I have Chanyeol.”

“Alright, I see,” Dr. Zhang’s soft smile seemed to have gotten wider. “Now if you don’t mind, I’ll ask you a few questions. Do you feel angry and possessive when anyone tries to make a move on Chanyeol or flirt with him in anyway?”

Kyungsoo thought about Choi Tae Ho and him murdering the guy in the dead of the night and hung his head, feeling rather ashamed. “Yes.”

“Alright. And do you feel this strange fluttery or bubbly feeling whenever Chanyeol, say, smiles at you? Does your heart race and do you ever feel like kissing him?”

 _Too many times_. Kyungsoo wanted to say but held himself back. He recalled the amount of times he had felt the fluttery feelings rise inside him whenever he was around Chanyeol or the way his heart raced like it had no intention of ever slowing down and found himself slowly nodding in answer to Dr. Zhang’s inquiry.

“One last question,” Dr. Zhang finally said, as he leaned forward on his elbows slightly. “Do you put Chanyeol’s needs before your own, like he is more important than you are to yourself and you would gladly go to any lengths to….say, protect him from danger or something?”

“I’d gladly lay down my own life if it would mean Chanyeol can be safe,” this Kyungsoo answered without hesitation. He was a little surprised at himself but he knew that he meant what he said.

Dr. Zhang gave the warmest smile as soon as he heard Kyungsoo say that. “Well, there you go. You’re definitely in love with Chanyeol if that’s the way you feel for him.”

Kyungsoo had to admit, he was taken aback. Was that what being in love was like? He found it rather difficult to believe and so he found himself asking Dr. Zhang another question. “But….are you really sure? Are those really the feelings someone goes through when they are in love?”

“You know my wife, Xingmi and I,” Dr. Zhang began suddenly. “We had a love marriage. But it wasn’t a marriage that either of our families supported. And that’s why we ran all the way here to Korea from China just so that we could get married without anyone else opposing us. It was a difficult decision. My family was rich but they disowned me as soon as I took this decision. So, we had to start all the way from the scratch just to earn a decent enough living to survive in a completely foreign land with no one else to help us. It was difficult, but I was willing to sacrifice every comfort I had known to make this work. Why, you ask? Because I felt everything that you are currently feeling for Chanyeol now. I was a young foolish man in love, but hey, at the end it all worked out, didn’t it?”

Kyungsoo’s eyes were wide as he listened to Dr. Zhang relay his story with the brightest shine in his face. The door to the office opened just then and Mrs. Zhang came in, bearing a tray filled with snacks for Kyungsoo. He watched her in a different light now when she smiled at him warmly and then walked over to her husband to give him a quick kiss on his lips. Dr. Zhang’s smile was nearly glowing when she walked out after that.

“She is lovely, isn’t she?” he sighed and Kyungsoo mentally thought that the whole family was lovely. He then thought of Chanyeol with his bright smiles and the softest heart and his own chest ached. He thought he would love to have a family like Dr. Zhang’s with him.

“Does….does being in love also require to have sexual feelings for the other?” Kyungsoo was visibly more tensed and rather worried as he asked that question. “Because….I’ve wanted to kiss Chanyeol, yeah but I don’t feel anything sexual for him. I’ve…I’ve never been much for sexual things and…..is something wrong with me, doctor?”

“Oh, dear Kyungsoo-yah,” Dr. Zhang’s voice was soft and understanding. “No, being in love has nothing to do with having necessary sexual attraction. While it has been agreed that a healthy sex life is important for a healthy and thriving love life, loving someone is _so_ much more than just feeling sexual attraction. Always remember, you’re not actually in love with someone if you’re only attracted to their physical features. And Kyungsoo, while it’s a fairly small number but there _are_ people in this world who don’t feel sexual attraction and that is completely fine and normal! So, don’t think that something is wrong with you, alright? Have you been hesitating from getting closer to Chanyeol because of this?”

Kyungsoo could feel the worry bleed out of his shoulders and he let out a relieved sigh, settling back in a more relaxed manner. He had definitely thought something was very wrong with him when he couldn’t understand why he wasn’t attracted to Chanyeol that way when he was clearly in love with the boy now that Dr. Zhang had confirmed. “Yes. I was….scared.”

“Don’t be scared anymore,” Dr. Zhang smiled wide once more and ruffled Kyungsoo’s hair. “Always grab the bull by its horns. Go get your boy, Kyungsoo! I am rooting for you!”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo finally found himself genuinely smiling. He couldn’t _wait_ to tell Chanyeol. “Thank you, Dr. Zhang.”

 

As it turned out, Kyungsoo had apparently forgotten one teeny-tiny important detail. He had no idea nor any way of knowing whether Chanyeol felt the same for him or not. He walked all the way from the little clinic back to their base fidgeting and worrying over that fact but then ultimately decided there was no helping it. He’d confess, regardless of what Chanyeol felt and if he did get rejected then he would accept it with his head held high.

It was easier said than done though. When he reached his house, he climbed the steps to his room while driving himself nearly mad with the fear that perhaps Chanyeol really didn’t like him that way after all and maybe it would be no use for him to confess. He firmly shook his head, telling himself to stop overthinking and opened the door to his room. And he nearly went out and slammed it shut again in his panic because Chanyeol was inside, sitting on his bed and seemingly waiting for him.

Chanyeol shot to his feet as soon as he saw Kyungsoo enter, wringing the hem of his sweater and eyes wide and worried behind his glasses. “Kyungsoo!”

“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo began, throat feeling clogged up. He was perhaps panicking so much for the first time and he had no idea how to get his words out. “I…I…I had to…”

“Kyungsoo! I’m so sorry!” Chanyeol had suddenly bounded forward and enveloped Kyungsoo in a crushing hug, knocking the breath out of him. Kyungsoo felt so overwhelmed that he began wondering if he would keel over when Chanyeol let him go. “I acted like a total _dick_ all these days and oh gosh, I’m so sorry!”

“You…what? What…dick?” Kyungsoo’s brain was definitely short-circuiting from the close proximity and when Chanyeol let him go he did actually blink fast and swayed a little unsteadily. “What are you talking about?”

“I….I mean, you kissed me out of nowhere and I w…wasn’t thinking and I kissed you back. Then I panicked and yeah…I knew or more like….told myself you didn’t like me like that when I had no way of knowing what you really felt and I’m just…an idiot like you always say I am,” Chanyeol was rambling and Kyungsoo could only catch snatches of his monologue because he was still overwhelmed. He did however, hear the ‘didn’t like me like that’ part and opened his mouth to protest but Chanyeol didn’t give him a chance. “So….yeah, I panicked and r…ran away and I was somehow still convinced that there was no way you would like me in that way (Kyungsoo couldn’t contain his indignance when he heard the same words repeated for the _second_ time) and that’s why I’ve been a…avoiding you and I’m so so…”

“I LIKE YOU, PARK CHANYEOL!” Kyungsoo couldn’t help but yell out the words because he was irritated that Chanyeol wasn’t giving him the slightest chance to speak. Also, it sort of just burst out of him because he couldn’t keep it inside any longer. It did however effectively shut Chanyeol up. “I…..fucking _like_ you, Chanyeol! Hell, I think I’m in _love with you!_ ”

 Now it was Chanyeol’s turn to go into a shock. “What? You…. _what_ now?”

“I love you,” Kyungsoo could hear his voice trembling and his face was on fire. He had never felt so embarrassed and yet so proud of saying those three extremely simple words. “Yes, you idiot! I had a long talk with Dr. Zhang and now I know that I love you.”

“How did it happen?” Chanyeol’s voice was small, disbelieving even. “I mean…wow, but you…really like me?”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes so hard that he feared they would get stuck in his skull and never come back down. “Oh my gosh! How many times do you want me to repeat it? You are so annoying, you asshole!”

Chanyeol held up his hands in defense. “Hey, now! How was I to know? I mean, do you know how hard you are to figure out?”

Kyungsoo aimed a hard punch on Chanyeol bicep in answer, completely ignoring his cry of pain. “If I didn’t like you then why the fuck would I be so jealous of Choi Tae Ho and why the _fuck_ would I kiss you?” Truthfully before that morning’s talk with Dr. Zhang, Kyungsoo hadn’t even known that those were actions of a whipped man but he wasn’t going to reveal that to Chanyeol anytime soon.

Chanyeol winced and gave an embarrassed chuckle. “I guess….you do have a point. Ah haha, I really am an idiot.”

“Well? So what’s your answer?” Kyungsoo’s tone was angry but truthfully he was scared. Scared that even after his blatant confession, Chanyeol would still reject him. “You need to tell me if you reciprocate my feelings or if I just confessed for no re….”

His eyes widened as he felt Chanyeol press the unexpected kiss on his lips, his heart skyrocketing and mind doing a 360 degree turn. Before he could gather his bearings straight and kiss back, Chanyeol was already pulling away. The boy wore the brightest smile in the entire world and his eyes had a suspicious wet sheen to them. “I thought I was so obvious. I like you too, Kyungsoo. I like you so much! I think….I think I’m in love with you too.”

Something took off his Kyungsoo’s chest and he was suddenly manhandling a laughing and weeping Chanyeol, pushing him against the wall and kissing him fiercely. His hands found purchase in Chanyeol’s soft brown hair and he pressed as close as he could to the other boy, nipping and sucking at his lips in the way he had always wanted to except this time it was even better because Chanyeol was kissing him back just has eagerly, his large warm arms wrapped around Kyungsoo smaller body. He could feel his own as well as Chanyeol’s heart racing and beating in tandem and Kyungsoo decided he had never felt this happy in his entire life. He pulled away to examine Chanyeol’s flushed face and beautifully reddened lips, smiling softly and foolishly even as he did because he couldn’t believe this was happening.

“Wow,” Chanyeol whispered, sounding breathless. “You….that was just…wow!”

“I can’t believe it,” Kyungsoo spoke his mind, shaking his head. “I can’t believe that….I’m in love and kissing the boy I love.”

“I want to kiss some more,” Chanyeol muttered and Kyungsoo burst out laughing before he began pushing him to the bed next and made him sit down. Then he leaned forward and slotted his lips with Chanyeol’s again, kissing softly and heart pattering happily at the way Chanyeol was responding so eagerly to him. He shifted his position a little and found himself sitting on Chanyeol’s lap, legs straddling the latter’s own and fingers gripping his hair, pulling and tugging a little to give him better access to the other’s mouth. This time when he licked Chanyeol’s lower lip, the other opened his mouth easily and Kyungsoo soon pushed his tongue in, licking and exploring Chanyeol’s warm mouth, setting a pace that was faster than before. He liked the way Chanyeol’s grip around his waist tightened and tried to press in closer than they already were, chests pressing and lips not leaving the other’s mouth. When he did pull away because he was running out of breath, Kyungsoo opened his eyes to see Chanyeol looking thoroughly and completely wrecked, with hooded eyes and red kiss-swollen lips.

“If I kiss you some more,” Kyungsoo whispered, hearing the low rasp in his own voice and he ran his thumb over Chanyeol’s lower lip. “Then I think I’ll be drawing blood.”

Chanyeol looked a little put off and he pouted in the way that had become familiar to Kyungsoo in all those passing years. “So we’re stopping?”

A rather uncomfortable knot began forming in his stomach and Kyungsoo tried to hide it by leaning forward and kissing Chanyeol softly on the lips once again, then moving to drop butterfly kisses on the length of his jaw. He was trying to ignore the way his stomach was flipping that felt more bothering than pleasant and he knew there were some things he needed to have a talk about with Chanyeol but couldn’t really bring himself to do it.

“Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol’s voice was questioning with a hint of worry in it. Kyungsoo stopped from where he was sucking in a mark on Chanyeol’s neck. “Are you alright?”

Kyungsoo pulled away and then regarded Chanyeol’s face carefully. “What made you ask that question?”

“I….felt a change in the vibe,” Chanyeol confessed. He clasped hold of the other’s hands and gave him the worried look again. “Is something bothering you? You can talk to me, you know.”

“I….there are some things I do need to tell you,” Kyungsoo swallowed and then looked away. “I really do like you a lot but…..I can’t have sex with you.”

Chanyeol’s raised his eyebrows. “Where is this coming from?”

“It’s not because it’s you. I can’t do it with _anyone_ ,” Kyungsoo continued forward, refusing to look at Chanyeol’s face because he didn’t know if he could take his reaction if it turned out to be something negative. “Sex has never been the most comfortable subject for me. But that….that doesn’t mean I don’t like you, Chanyeol, because I _do._ And I want to make you happy but that….”

Chanyeol pulled him in for a warm hug and stopped him from rambling. When he pulled away, Kyungsoo saw that he was giving him a comforting smile. “That’s totally fine, Kyungsoo. I wasn’t really looking for having sex with you anyway,” he gave a slight chuckle. “I mean….I was actually scared that you would want to do it and I wouldn’t know how to refuse you because to be really honest I’m not ready for such intimacy yet and…and we are both minors anyway so we aren’t even _supposed_ to have sex right now. So yeah, it’s completely fine. We will take our time.”

Kyungsoo felt comparatively much better after that but even then the unpleasant feeling wasn’t completely gone. He merely nodded to what Chanyeol had said and allowed himself to be hugged again.

“Why don’t we cuddle for a bit though?” Chanyeol suggested, motioning for Kyungsoo to move off of him and on the bed instead. “You’ve been sitting on top of me for long enough and now my legs are falling asleep. Also, I really feel like cuddling so….please?”

That he could easily do. Kyungsoo found himself smiling at the request and he moved to lie down on the bed. Chanyeol immediately followed him and threw an arm over him. He snuggled in close, putting his face against the other’s chest and Kyungsoo found his own arm circling around Chanyeol, fingers absently carding through his hair in the way he liked.

They lay like that for a long time, cuddling and talking about nothing and everything. They occasionally made out some more and then lazed around. Chanyeol looked blissful and happy, nearly falling asleep but Kyungsoo still had a nagging feeling eating away at him. Insecurities he never knew he even had were taking over him in waves and he felt choked, suffocated. It was when Chanyeol let go of him for a bit to stretch and yawn did Kyungsoo finally decide that he needed to _speak_.

“My father has a sort of voyeuristic kink,” he began softly, grabbing Chanyeol’s immediate attention. He fixed his stare at the ceiling, eyebrows pinched in a slight frown. “I don’t exactly remember but I think it started when I was ten. He’d bring in women constantly and then force me to watch him…..do them. His reasoning was that sex felt ten times more fun and fulfilling when there was someone watching and….apparently the upside to it was that I was getting free ‘education’. I….hated it. I hated watching my own _father_ have sex with so many people but I couldn’t complain and nor could I cry because if I did he would threaten to feel me up. I grew up hating sex…..thinking it was wrong and _bad_ because seeing my father do it haunted me so much and….I don’t know, I’m sorry I guess….if I ever end up being inadequate for you.”

Kyungsoo turned around and did a double take when he saw Chanyeol was crying. “Kyungsoo,” the boy sniffled and then tackled the other with a tight hug. “Kyungsoo! I…I have no words. I feel so horrible you had to experience things like that. And no, you will _never_ be inadequate for me, god! I like you so much and if you can’t have sex then we won’t have it! I’m happy enough with cuddles and kisses! You’re happiness and comfort matters more to me than anything else! So please don’t think of things like that ever again.”

Kyungsoo felt a stinging in the back of his eyes that he hadn’t felt in a long time. “I’m…I still can’t believe you like me. Am…am I worth being loved? I disappointed you when I killed Choi Tae Ho but I was so afraid he would do….wrong stuff with you but I shouldn’t have….You’re a good person, Chanyeol and I don’t know if I deserve you.”

“Shut _up_! Stop saying that! Yes, you’ve made some mistakes but haven’t we all?” Chanyeol sounded rather fierce as he hugged Kyungsoo even tighter. “I decided that you deserve me and I deserve you and I’m gonna stand by it. I won’t stop loving you and I mean it when I say it! If I didn’t mean it, then I would’ve escaped from this hideout a long time ago.”

Kyungsoo blinked up at him at those words and in return Chanyeol gave him a wobbly smile despite his tears. “I’m….I told you right? That at first all I ever wanted was to escape from here. When you guys thought I had given up trying I was actually always trying to find out ways and means to escape. No one ever suspected me because I’m good at being unassuming. I f…found out some chinks in the armor. I could run away if I wanted to. Hell, I even have a laptop and I could easily hack into the hideout’s security but I didn’t. I stayed. I wanted to stay, with _you._ ”

“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo could feel a lump in his throat. His fingers curled around the material of Chanyeol’s sweater.

“Kyungsoo, more than anything I want you to be happy,” Chanyeol went on quietly, comfortingly while he rubbed Kyungsoo’s back. “And more than anyone else in this world you deserve to be loved. You deserve so much more, Kyungsoo. And I want to be the one giving you the love. Will you let young, idiotic and insignificant me love you?”

Kyungsoo found himself nodding and then Chanyeol pulled him into another warm hug, letting him squish his face in the soft material of his sweater. For some reason he was trembling and Chanyeol continued rubbing his back. “Hush, Kyungsoo. It’s alright. Everything is okay.”

For the first time in several years, Kyungsoo completely let himself go and cried. He sobbed for a long time in Chanyeol’s sweater, fists curling against the material, trying to muffle his cried even as Chanyeol went on whispering comforting words to him, silently praising and supporting him. For the first time in forever, Kyungsoo felt free and could imagine at least one of the chains binding him fall off.

It was on that day that Kyungsoo finally accepted that he wasn’t only the Winter Child, a seasoned young assassin who knew no emotions. He was Do Kyungsoo, a boy who craved affection in every way that a normal child did and had found it in another boy he had grown fond of. He was Do Kyungsoo, and he had finally found love.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and say hi to xing xing~ and if you've noticed it, yes i've named his wife xingmi bcoz yixing loves his xingmis but also because i'm just really not creative with OC names bkskedbe. anyway, all throughout the fic ksoo has been the strong one and pcy is always the one with the menboongs but that wouldn't be too realistic (even tho nothing about this fic is realistic tbh XD) so you get to see ksoo's insecurities too. give both my bois love :((((
> 
> this is a bit of a break lemme warn ya'll coz there is gonna be some angst following soon. the fic is reaching its climax. we are close to the ending guys! *writer extends her prayers to the readers to not kill her* bUUUT the tags state that it is a happy ending and a happy ending it shall be so don't worry at all.
> 
> anyway, kudos to all my readers, i love you guys so much *ugly crying* i really wouldn't be here writing chansoo fics if it wasn't for ya'll. and like always if you think i deserve them, do leave me comments and kudos coz they make my day.
> 
> p.s: also THANK YOU for always bearing with my ridiculously long beginning/end notes ^~^


	10. Guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait. this was another difficult chapter to write. chapter hasn't been edited so excuse the mistakes
> 
> warning: heavy angst. and the intense emotional want to murder ksoo's dad in the worst ways possible (you guys are welcome to write spinoffs on how to kill that old man in the worst ways possible and send them over on my Twitter )
> 
> also please don't kill me :(

Kyungsoo felt that things were getting much better in the hideout at least for him. Having someone who loved and appreciated him really did make a whole lot of difference. He found himself getting softer, calmer and he didn’t constantly get annoyed by people that much either. Chanyeol was definitely a huge influence on him.

But there was also a catch. His father was much more suspicious of him and Chanyeol ever since last time and Kyungsoo was aware of the man beginning to keep an eye on him and the other. He was determined not to let his father know that they had both begun dating even though deep inside he knew that the man had probably guessed the nature of their relationship.

Nevertheless, Kyungsoo let himself be free while at the same time keeping up a necessary caution. He courted Chanyeol to the best of his abilities or as much as his suddenly awkward personality would allow. While they kept up the trainings as usual and acted aloof in front of other members so as to raise the least amount of suspicions possible, they spent more time at either of their rooms together (mostly they chose Chanyeol’s seeing there was a remote chance of Kyungsoo’s father discovering them if they were in the other’s room). Martial arts trainings often turned into playful make-out sessions, them trying their hardest not to giggle while kissing or just skipping training altogether to cuddle quietly and contentedly in one of their usual resting corners of the warehouse. Kyungsoo felt an excitement with Chanyeol that he had never felt anywhere else, not even in missions that low-key interested him.

But reality never stopped proving to be a hindrance.

“You are going on that important mission I once mentioned to you all those days back,” his father said in a bored voice while carelessly tossing a manila folder towards Kyungsoo. “Go on, read the details. And as I mentioned, this mission is _IMPORTANT._ ”

Rather apprehensively, Kyungsoo flipped open the folder’s cover. The first name that was printed on top of the first document itself made him frown hard. “Lim Min Hyuk?”

“Yup,” his father answered nonchalantly.

“But isn’t he your….secretary? Your second-in-command?”

The expression that his father wore was unreadable yet curiously hard. “If you were as aware as you usually are……or used to be, you’d notice what’s going on within the gang,” he said darkly, succeeding in making Kyungsoo perplexed. “Min Hyuk is my secretary, yes. But now he is only a thorn on my side and that’s why I need you to kill him and his entire family.”

Kyungsoo merely nodded his head in answer. He wasn’t dumb. He _had_ noticed a subtle something brewing under the surface. He just wasn’t aware of the severity of the situation. He quietly read the rest of the plan. “Is there any more people I need to take care of after this?”

“There are some more ‘thorns’,” his father said in slight contemplation. His lips stretched into an ominous smirk. “But you don’t need to worry about them. I’ll take care of them myself.”

Kyungsoo didn’t like the tone of his father’s voice. There was something about it that nagged at his sixth sense but he pushed the thought away and nodded his head once again. It wasn’t like he could refuse the mission anyway.  

He began descending down the steps leading away from his father’s office in deep thought, clutching the folder tightly. Somehow the mission didn’t sit right with him. Although he’d talked directly with Lim Min Hyuk only a handful of times, the guy was still one of their gang mates and killing a fellow comrade, former or otherwise, felt strangely wrong. Kyungsoo was surprised at himself for the way he thought. If it was three years, or even a year back he would’ve killed anyone who proved to be a hindrance without a second thought. He wondered at just how much he had changed.

“Soo-yah!” Chanyeol called out brightly with a happy smile as soon as Kyungsoo entered the former’s room. The said guy bounded forward to pull Kyungsoo into a tight hug. After they began dating, Chanyeol had become clingy and affectionate and hugged Kyungsoo multiple times a day. “You’re back. I hope your dad wasn’t too much of an ass to you this time.”

Kyungsoo smiled and hugged him back. Inhaling his familiar scent, Kyungsoo began feeling a lot calmer. Chanyeol’s effect on him was really amazing. “It was okay. He was strangely……mellow today,” he pulled away to caress Chanyeol’s cheek. “What have you been up to?”

Chanyeol’s eyes lit up and he pulled the other to his bed. “I began reading a new book! Have you heard of Moby Dick?” he held out the book with a slightly worn cover in a flourish. Chanyeol had begun buying second-hand books with the money he managed to save from missions. “It’s about a whale!”

“Oh? I haven’t heard about it,” Kyungsoo gave an amused smile as he sat next to the other. “Maybe you can tell me about it?”

“I can read and translate out the story to you! I have only just started reading,” Chanyeol grinned as he opened the first page. “It will be like reading together.”

As Chanyeol began his storytelling session, exaggerating on the actions and often speaking in an animated voice to put on an emphasis on all the dialogue scenes, Kyungsoo watched and listened to him with a soft smile on his face. He loved listening to Chanyeol talk about books and things he loved. He loved doing anything with Chanyeol, if he were to be honest. Every little thing that the other did filled Kyungsoo with a warmth he hadn’t experienced in his life before the boy had come knocking into his heart. He felt lucky.

Kyungsoo spent the entire day after that with Chanyeol, either reading books with him or just talking for hours on (well, it was more like Chanyeol talked and Kyungsoo listened). No matter how hard he tried not to think about it, he had a feeling his upcoming mission was going to be dangerous. His father had stressed on the fact that it was _important_ thrice. He felt a certain fear and he wanted to spend as much time with Chanyeol possible before he had to go for the mission.

“Hey,” Chanyeol mumbled softly as he pressed to Kyungsoo’s side, gently rubbing the other’s back. Kyungsoo gave a hum of answer. He had his head resting against Chanyeol’s chest, eyes closed and listening to his rhythmic breathing. Only a few minutes back they’d been making out. “When are you leaving?”

“Early,” Kyungsoo muttered. He shifted his face a little so that his lips rested only a few inches away from the newest mark he had made on Chanyeol’s exposed collarbone. Absently he thought about just how much he liked the look of that bodily feature, all sharp and pretty. “At midnight. It will probably take me all night and longer.”

“Alright,” Chanyeol’s voice was quiet. Kyungsoo could sense that he was worried. “When do you think you will be returning?”

“That depends on how difficult this mission is,” was Kyungsoo’s answer. He pulled away to look up at his lover’s eyes. “But I’ll make sure to come back to you. No matter what it takes.”

Chanyeol smiled softly at that and pulled Kyungsoo back in a soft hug. “You know, sometimes you are so much cheesier than I am.”

Kyungsoo frowned and tilted up his head to give Chanyeol a questioning look. “What is that? I don’t know what being cheesy is.”

Chanyeol laughed and shook his head. “Never mind. You should rest for a bit now, to conserve your energy for the mission.”

Kyungsoo nodded and moved away to lie down properly on the bed. Chanyeol was right. He needed to rest up as much as possible to be able to face that long night. Before he drifted off, the last thing he heard was Chanyeol’s voice.

_And like always, I’ll wait for you to come back._

…………………

When his father had said the mission was important and difficult he had definitely meant it. While Kyungsoo had been informed by the mission plan in the manila folder that Lim Min Hyuk had managed to gather a good amount of men both from their own gang as well as allied with other gang members, he might have had underestimated the amount. Even at midnight he could sense that activity in the house was still high.

“Guess I’ll have to wait for some time,” Kyungsoo muttered to himself from his position in front of the small 24/7 convenience store a good few metres away. He leaned against the wall next to the vending machine near the entrance of the store, casually acting like he was trying to choose which juice to buy when he was actually using a pair of binoculars to stealthily keep an eye on the house opposite. The windows were lit and people walked back and forth. To eyes of outsiders, it looked like they were having a party but Kyungsoo knew different. He sighed. This was going to be more troublesome than he had thought.

He crumbled up the third pack of orange juice he had just consumed and after a pause of thirty seconds pushed himself off of the wall he was leaning against. It was time. He didn’t know how he was going to achieve the mission without knowing the exact number of enemies present but he had to do it somehow.

Creeping forward, Kyungsoo carefully hid himself as he got nearer to the house and took note of the two people who roamed about in the front yard, dressed in casual flowery shirts but Kyungsoo caught sight of suspicious bulges in their pockets and a gleam of silver now and then. They were armed and probably keeping guard. Maybe Kyungsoo had to thank Chanyeol for forcing him to wear contacts for astigmatism after all.

Taking a careful deep breath, Kyungsoo tiptoed till the bit of the wall which the plan had shown as accessible and not in direct sight from any prying eyes both from outside or inside. With the litheness of a cat he was over the wall in no time and noiselessly landing on his two feet. He only had to wait for a few seconds for the right time before he launched himself quickly and noiselessly slit the necks of the two guards before they could even turn. Quickly dragging the two bodies, he hid them behind a few bushes and then began making for the next spot mentioned in the mission plan.

The plan showed that the lower floors would be more packed and harder to get into and that he had to climb the pipes to get to the last room in the upper floor which was also a storeroom for armament and the least monitored room. Kyungsoo wondered how his dad’s plans had so much intricate details but then he knew better than to doubt them. All these years, they hadn’t failed any one on a mission even once.

He stared at the pipe which was also covered with thick ivy creepers and first tested its strength tentatively before beginning to climb it as fast as possible. When he reached, the window was locked but he managed to pick it open no problem. Kyungsoo was an expert when it came to any sort of locks. He got in cautiously and then looked around, catching sight of an impressive amount of weaponry stacked together as he did. Decided that grabbing one of the nice handguns lying around along with its ammo would be a good idea, Kyungsoo then proceeded to pick open the lock of the door next.

Cautiously, he peeked through the tiny crack he had opened, surveying the dark corridor and noticed two more people standing and talking. They had their backs turned to him and Kyungsoo easily took the advantage to silently rush up to them and strike them with clean but lethal strokes of his dagger. They were dead in a heartbeat. Always being one to do a meticulous job out of everything, Kyungsoo quickly dragged them into the weaponry room and then played around with his bobby pins to lock them back in. He wiped off the patches of blood with his shoe before walking through the expanse of the upper floor, trying to figure out which room held Lim Min Hyuk.

Because Kyungsoo had had bad eyesight for so long, he had spent all his time honing and training his other senses. He took pride in his sense of hearing especially and that was exactly what helped him find out where Min Hyuk was. He stopped in front of what seemed like a door that led to a study of sorts from where he could hear muffled voices of someone speaking in the phone and restless pacing back and forth. And fortunately for him, Kyungsoo had spoken with Min Hyuk enough times to easily recognize his voice. Not wasting a second, he carefully tried turning the knob of the door and found that it wasn’t locked. Swinging the door open the slightest bit, he peeked in to see Min Hyuk still talking on the phone while facing the window in the room. That meant his back was turned towards Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo began wondering how his luck was so good that night that every enemy he came across had their backs towards him. He padded forward without pause, silently shutting and locking the door and then held the cold edge of his blade against Min Hyuk’s neck.

Min Hyuk stopped speaking and moving. His hand closed a little tighter around his phone.

“Don’t try to pull any moves,” Kyungsoo warned in the softest whisper. “Hang up with whoever you’re talking to right now. I have a few things to discuss with you.”

Min Hyuk was silent for some moments. Kyungsoo could vaguely hear the person at the other end of the receiver repeatedly asking if Min Hyuk was still on line. “I’ll talk to you later. Something came up.”

Kyungsoo watched with the sharpness of a hawk as Min Hyuk hung up and turned his head the briefest bit to try and look at Kyungsoo. “So your father actually found out pretty fast huh, Winter Child? As expected of him, I guess.”

“Why are you doing this?” Kyungsoo questioned instead, pressing the blade a little bit more nearer to his neck. “You were my father’s most trusted comrade.”

Min Hyuk scoffed hard “Please, are you kidding? You and I both know as clear as day that Boss trusts no one, not even his own men. So don’t give me that, Winter Child, coz it ain’t valid enough to make me stop.”

Kyungsoo knew for a fact that it was true. His father didn’t trust Kyungsoo even, so trusting his men was a far cry. But yet he knew he had to complete this mission. “Why would you go so far as to organize this mutiny? What is the reason for becoming a traitor? Even if my father didn’t trust you, you were doing well and getting quite rich, weren’t you?”

“Your fucking _father_ took the life of my wife,” Min Hyuk’s voice was hard and spitting venom. Kyungsoo could see that the man was visibly trembling. “And not just take her life. He tortured and humiliated her before killing her off. I will NEVER forgive him for what he did!”

Kyungsoo raised his eyebrows, rather surprised of the reason. “You….began this whole mutiny because of your wife?”

“What? Are you surprised? What a hypocrite you are, _Kyungsoo_!” Min Hyuk gave a harsh laugh and fully turned around to face the former. Kyungsoo felt unsettled. This was the first time someone other than his father and Chanyeol had called him by his real name. “After all, you’d do the same for that bug-eyed wimp of a sniper, wouldn’t you?”

Kyungsoo froze at that but managed to keep his expression neutral. “What’s Chanyeol got to do _anything_ with all of this?”

“Oh, poor boy, you’re clueless aren’t you?” Min Hyuk smirked. “Do you think your love for that boy is any secret? Because it’s not. Literally _everyone_ in the gang has noticed how much you have softened up. And that includes your father.”

Kyungsoo felt his grip around the knife tightening. “Like I said, what’s that got to do _anything_ with this?”

“You know what your father told me when he killed my wife?” Min Hyuk hissed. There was mad rage in his eyes. “Love makes us fools. And if we are a part of his gang, we do not need lovers. I’m pretty sure that includes you as well, Kyungsoo.”

At those words, Kyungsoo felt a cold fear wash over him. He tried his best to maintain his composure but he couldn’t help but think about Chanyeol. And the worst thing was, he knew that Min Hyuk was right. If his father knew, then Chanyeol was in danger. But at the same time, Kyungsoo also didn’t trust Min Hyuk the slightest bit. “What are you even implying?” he couldn’t help but snarl.

“Oh? Did I manage to hit on a nerve? You’re losing your composure,” Min Hyuk grinned in an almost maniacal way. He then spread out his arms, still grinning like he had won. “What I’m trying to imply is, join me Kyungsoo. I know that you hate your father almost as much as any of us here do. Also, I know that pretty sniper of yours means more than anyone else would ever mean to you. Join my rebellion and help me take down your father. If you do that, you wouldn’t have to suffer through what I had to go through.”

Kyungsoo honestly felt like his head was going to split because of the conflicted feelings that went through his mind. Part of him knew what Min Hyuk was saying all made sense. His father was a madman. And he hated his own son. But another part of him wondered if this wasn’t just a ploy of Min Hyuk’s to ensnare Kyungsoo as well. Min Hyuk could be devious and extremely manipulating. He was skilled with his words and his power of persuasion. It was because of that skill that he was or used to be the gang secretary and right hand man after all. “And what if I say I don’t believe you?”

“Then you’re just a fool,” Min Hyuk’s voice hardened. “And that you have no idea of what your father has planned. Poor child, you’re more innocent than I would’ve thought. Or is it that you still think you can somehow gain your father’s acceptance? I’m rather fond of you, Kyungsoo. You’re one of the only ones in the gang who still thinks with his own head. You killed that Tae Ho after all. And that’s why I’m giving you a choice. Think about it carefully.”    

Kyungsoo didn’t know. He didn’t know at all about who would be a better option to trust and he knew he had to make a decision right now. But there was one thing that was absolutely clear in his mind about who the priority was for him. He would throw away the world for Chanyeol. He would do anything to protect the boy. And it was precisely because of this that Kyungsoo felt he had to make his choice very carefully.

“So?” Min Hyuk smirked. “What’s the choice you’ve made, Kyungsoo? Are you gonna join me or are you gonna kill me?”

Kyungsoo let out a deep breath to calm down his turbulent mind. The answer was clear in his head. He had made his choice. “The first thing I’d said when I entered this room, Lim Min Hyuk, is that I had a few things to discuss with you. So, listen to me first and then I’ll tell you what choice I have made.”

………………………..

When Kyungsoo walked out of the house, drained and splattered in blood and having multiple bruises and cuts, the sun was beginning to climb higher in the sky. At the end of it, he HAD spilled blood and painted the floors a familiar bright crimson after all. He sighed, wanting nothing but to go back – go back to Chanyeol. He was beginning to get worried for the boy.

He caught sight of a familiar car waiting outside when he limped out of the gates. Kyungsoo’s eyebrows furrowed. His father had sent one of the men to pick him up? That was rather unusual. The man, who Kyungsoo recognized as Snapper, one of the members who worked the closest to his father (and also the same guy who Chanyeol had shot in the leg three years back) motioned for Kyungsoo to enter the car which he did so with no protest.

“Is the mission completely cleared?” Snapper asked monotonously. “Have you taken care of everyone?”

“A total of fifteen men. All of them dead,” Kyungsoo confirmed just as monotonously. “Two of them in the front yard. I’ve hidden their corpses behind the bushes. Two in the weaponry room. Six of them I managed to gas to death while they hid in the basement. Four are lying in the living room where they tried surprise-attacking me. And the final one is of course Min Hyuk’s body in his office.”

“Good,” Snapper nodded in approval. “We will take a short detour through the Pier Warehouses coz the Boss asked me to pick up some papers and shit. He told me to take you along for your sign since you’re the heir.”

Kyungsoo frowned. “Are the papers important? What are they for?”

Snapper shrugged. “Dunno. He just told me to pick em up and take you with me.”

The rest of the journey was in silence in which Snapper just steadily drove and Kyungsoo drifted in and out of a fitful sleep. He was tired after the long night. And there was a bit of his mind that still kept chronically worrying about Chanyeol but of course he couldn’t really do anything other than wait for the new job to be done fast and then return back to the base after that.

They reached the pier after about an hour and Snapper got off the car while Kyungsoo remained inside, waiting because he didn’t feel the need to get out as well. He tapped his fingers against the dashboard a little impatiently because he wanted to get back to the base as soon as possible. When Snapper returned back with the papers, Kyungsoo took them from his hands without waiting for him to extend it to him himself and skimmed through the contents quickly. They were papers about new weapon shipments and Kyungsoo in all honesty felt rather peeved. They weren’t even that important to be taking a detour and all just to sign them. But nevertheless, he picked up a pen and quickly scribbled his initials on the paper without another question.

“Let’s go back to the base,” he muttered with borderline irritation in his voice as he handed back the papers and Snapper merely nodded before revving up the engine. Kyungsoo leaned his head against the window and watched the suburban houses zip past them as the vehicle picked up speed.

Once they reached the base, Kyungsoo made straight for his father’s office, determined to get everything done with and out of the way before he went to see Chanyeol. The ominous negative premonition he had been having ever since his talk with Min Hyuk was back in full force and his steps up till the office were hesitant and strangely nervous. He knocked on the door twice before turning the knob and then walking inside.

For a surprising change, his father didn’t have a new woman beside him that day and was doing some sort of paper work when Kyungsoo entered. The man’s formal shirt was still rather rumpled and the top few buttons open so Kyungsoo guessed he had been having one of his sessions before Kyungsoo reached the base.

The man looked up when he heard Kyungsoo’s footsteps and gave a crooked smile. “I see, you’re back.”

“I have completed the mission like you had asked,” Kyungsoo answered. “I’ve gotten rid of Lim Min Hyuk and all the men that had been present in his house last night.”

“How many men were there? I managed to gather almost every information except that,” his father pushed away the papers and then got up. He walked up to the book case behind and pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his extra stash that he kept there. “I know he has managed to gather a decent amount.”

“The men I found and killed in the house were a total of fifteen including Lim Min Hyuk,” Kyungsoo answered flatly. “But I have reasons to believe he has more elsewhere along with other masterminds of the whole rebellion. Before I killed him he was talking to someone on the phone. But unfortunately I wasn’t able to listen in on the conversation and when I checked the phone he had carefully deleted all the call logs.”

His father puffed out a smoke. “I expected that much. Guy has always been crafty,” he muttered. “But I have been gathering allies too. However one of my stronger ‘allies’ demand a compensation because you had murdered the recruit they had sent to our gang as the seal for the alliance.”

Kyungsoo felt a prickle of dread going down his spine. “What do you mean?”

“Choi Tae Ho had been one of their prized sharpshooters,” his father turned to face him while still smoking nonchalantly. “And they were pretty pissed when they found out one of my own had killed him. They are pretty powerful y’know, and now they are asking for an equivalent exchange.”

Realization dawned upon him and Kyungsoo gripped his fists hard. “You’re not sending Chanyeol to them.”

“Why ever not?” his father’s voice was silken and smile almost foxy. “At the moment, he is my best marksman. He is the only one after you who hasn’t failed a single mission. Although I still find his habit of refusing to kill people annoying, he is still very capable of making them completely useless and immobile. No matter how I look at it, he is the best option.”

“Chanyeol belongs to me,” Kyungsoo spoke out through gritted teeth. Although he had stopped seeing Chanyeol as a mere belonging a long time ago and more as someone important to himself, he still couldn’t help but say that when it came to his father. “You can’t decide what to do and what not to do with him. He is mine, you said so yourself all those years ago!”

“You’ve been delusional Kyungsoo. Remember that you’re my son and you’re under me,” his father’s voice was icy as he said those lines. His lips were stretched thin and unsmiling. “What belongs to you is what I have given you. So in the end, they all belong to me. Don’t forget your place, boy.”

Kyungsoo bit down on the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw blood. In his mind he counted till ten and tried to calm down the rage he felt. It wouldn’t do if he lost his temper. Trying to defy his father would only make things worse. He had to think calmly and plan out how to get Chanyeol out of this mess. For now he planned to go along with his father’s decisions. “When is he being sent?”

“After two weeks,” his father said nonchalantly, dropping cigarette ash in the ivory tray that had an ornate carving of a serpent on its edges. “I’ve already talked to him before you arrived. All you need to do is help him get ready for his new life.”    

“Okay,” Kyungsoo tried his hardest to keep his tone neutral. He gave a brief nod and was about to turn away and make for the door when his father gave out a short chuckle.

“You know, I kinda understand why you like that boy so much, son,” he drawled and took a few swaggering steps towards the other. “He is quite a catch and pretty cute. I’d never even considered doing a guy before but damn did he feel so good and tight around my dick!”

All the blood seemed to suddenly leave his body as Kyungsoo registered the words his father had just spoken. He trembled from top to toe. This couldn’t be true. He really hoped this wasn’t true. “What?”

“He is a delight when he is screaming too,” his father went on, seemingly enjoying the look on Kyungsoo face. “That deep voice of his, ah! And so fucking beautiful when he is just lying there helpless, scared and begging just _begging_ for mercy! I’d love to see that look again and f…”

Kyungsoo didn’t let the man complete his words and whipped forward in a blind rage to grab hold of his father’s collars. He felt his eyes burn and ears nearly burst with the pure fury and despair he was feeling. “What did you do to him? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO CHANYEOL?”

“Oh?” his father gave an amused smile. “Do you mean to say you yourself haven’t fucked him yet? How disappointing, Kyungsoo! Are you really my son?”

Kyungsoo wasn’t thinking clearly when he raised a fist and punched his father hard on his jaw. He was seething. He was ready to brandish his knife and just take the life of the man before him. “HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!?”

Before Kyungsoo could do anything else two of his father’s lackeys rushed in and restrained him. He in turn thrashed about, struggling in their hold and screaming curses at his father who was just regaining his composure and wiping off the small stream of blood from the corner of his mouth.

“Get him out of here,” his voice was hard. But the look in his eyes was purely manic. “You, Do Kyungsoo, are a disappointment and I will make sure that stupid runt is separated far away from you.”

Once they were out of the room and the door swung shut, Kyungsoo shoved the two men away from himself and rapidly began climbing down the stairs. His heart was pounding and the fear and pain he felt was so unbelievably heavy that Kyungsoo felt that his insides were going to break apart. He found himself running, the tears threatening to spill but Kyungsoo vehemently held them back. He couldn’t afford to cry now. When he reached Chanyeol’s room he saw a guy waiting outside it, who sprang forward and blocked the way when he saw Kyungsoo arrive.

“Boss told me not to….” He began but was shut up by the most fearsome glare Kyungsoo ever shot anyone.

“One more word and I’m going to fucking stab you until not even your mother will ever be able to recognize you!” he snarled and the guy gulped in fear before hurriedly stepping away.

Not wasting a second, Kyungsoo threw open the door and stepped inside. Instantly the air felt strangely heavy. The room was dark because the small window was shut and the lights switched off. Kyungsoo’s eyes zeroed in on the lumpy figure lying on the bed and a new wave of pain, anger and another heavy feeling passed through him.

“Chanyeol?” his voice was strangely timid and shaky. He saw the figure jerk a little and understood that Chanyeol wasn’t asleep. “Chanyeol, are you listening? Please look at me?”

Chanyeol didn’t answer but he did shift around a little, probably turning on his side to face him although his head was still covered with the blanket. Kyungsoo took tentative steps that turned a little more urgent and then he found himself kneeling next to the bed. “Chanyeol, please. Look at me, please.” Kyungsoo could feel himself almost begging.

The blanket shifted and Chanyeol peeked over it. Kyungsoo felt his heat shatter into a million pieces when he saw just how fragile the look in his eyes were, how pained and fractured. He wanted to sob but instead gave a reassuring albeit wobbly smile. “Hey, Yeol. I’m back. I came back like I promised.”

“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol’s voice was so soft that Kyungsoo had to lean in a little closer to hear it. Somehow keeping the blanket to still keep covering his face, the former snuck out his hand from under the blanket and reached over to brush a finger gingerly on the newest bruise Kyungsoo had acquired on his cheek. “You got hurt again.”

“I’m fine, Yeol. I’m absolutely fine. But you….” Kyungsoo couldn’t help but let out a sob as he lifted his hand to cover Chanyeol’s own on his cheek. “Yeol, please let me see you?”

At that, Chanyeol drew back a little and shook his head. His eyes were glassy and looked like they could break any moment. “I don’t think I can. I…..I can’t.”

“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo prodded softly, clutching onto the other’s hand. “Please, Yeol…I need to know how much he hurt you. I….I can’t help if you don’t tell me.”

“I can’t…..I…I feel so filthy, Soo,” there were tears running down his eyes now and he was shaking. “I feel so filthy….so…. _unclean_! I feel like I can never show myself to you again.”

“Yeol, that’s not true. It’s not your fault,” Kyungsoo didn’t know how to handle this. He had never had to deal with something like this in his entire life. He felt like he was going to cry. “Yeol, you trust me don’t you? Please let me see if you’re not too badly hurt.”

Chanyeol seemed to consider. He drew a shuddering breath and trembling, he sat up, wincing a little in the process like it hurt even to move. He clutched onto the blanket for some time before he let it go. It dropped to reveal his face and Kyungsoo gasped softly.

There was an ugly looking bite mark on his jaw and his lips were split and red with welts. His neck was covered with dark bruises that both seemed like hickeys as well as from getting choked and there was another ugly bite mark on his collarbone. Kyungsoo caught sight of a bit of a deep scratch that disappeared down under his shirt and wondered just much worse a state the rest of his body was in. He felt himself trembling with a white hot rage once again as he stared more and more at Chanyeol’s visible wounds.

“I’m gonna kill him,” he muttered under his breath like a mantra “I’m gonna fucking _kill_ him.”

He caught sight of Chanyeol hanging his head, a look of utter shame on his face and his entire form shaking like a dried leaf and Kyungsoo’s anger left just as quickly as it had come. Gingerly, he sat on the edge of the bed and held the other’s hand. “Do you want me to hold you?”

Chanyeol nearly jerked away at that and immediately began looking so guilty that Kyungsoo felt himself breaking all over again. “I….I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to react like that! But…at the moment, I just...touching is…..I can’t…I feel…”

“No, that’s okay, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo hushed him, even as he began crying again. “Hush, Chanyeol. Please don’t cry. Please.”

“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol choked out. With every sob Kyungsoo felt a part of himself die. “I’m sorry!”

“Don’t,” Kyungsoo felt his own tears beginning to fill his eyes. “It’s not your fault. Hush now. You should sleep the pain off. Let me….let me fetch Dr. Zhang.”

“Will you…will you stay with me until…until I fall asleep?” Chanyeol hiccupped and Kyungsoo’s heart broke again.

“Of course,” Kyungsoo tried giving another watery smile. “I’m here. I’m not leaving you alone.”

He sat on the edge of the bed in silence, threading his fingers softly through the other’s hair as Chanyeol cried until his tears dried up and still he sobbed. Kyungsoo was trying to fight back his own tears. He didn’t leave Chanyeol’s side even once.

After a long session of heavy crying, Chanyeol’s eyelids finally began to close out of drowsiness and exhaustion. Kyungsoo continued threading his fingers through his hair, while fighting a turbulence inside of himself. He couldn’t help but feel everything was entirely his fault.

“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol murmured in a soft sleepy voice before he completely drifted off. Kyungsoo hummed in reply to tell him that he was listening. “You….please don’t blame yourself either.”

Kyungsoo’s fingers stopped as he heard those words and he felt a sudden overwhelming feeling take over him. He trembled a little but maintained his composure until Chanyeol’s breathing evened out and the boy was fast asleep. Then Kyungsoo got up, somewhat shaky on his feet and then planted a soft, painfully heart-wrenching kiss on his lover’s forehead. He walked out of the room, planning to call Dr. Zhang. Out of sheer paranoia and distrust, he locked the door to Chanyeol’s room and took the key along with him.

 

“Kyungsoo!” Dr. Zhang cried out happily with an excited grin only to stop and for the grin to die when he saw the expression on the said boy’s face. “Wait, Kyungsoo? What’s wrong? You’ve got injuries! Did you go for a mission again? Let me tend to them.”

“It’s not me,” Kyungsoo shook his head, his voice dull and unable to make eye contact with the good doctor. “I’m alright. Please take care of Chanyeol.”

“What happened to Chanyeol?” Dr. Zhang felt the heavy worry settling down on himself. “You’re injured too, Kyungsoo. Let me look after you.”

“I said I’m fine,” Kyungsoo insisted. He was close to breaking down but vehemently held his emotions back and tried to maintain his composure. “Chanyeol…need you, doctor. Please, help him. I beg you.”

“Kyungsoo,” Dr. Zhang walked forward and laid his hands on the boy’s shoulders. “My dear boy, tell me what happened? What’s wrong with Chanyeol?”

Kyungsoo gripped his fists tightly. “My father hurt him,” he almost whispered. “Not…..the normal hurt. He _really_ hurt him and…and I don’t know what to do.”

Dr. Zhang was confused for the first few seconds before realization dawned upon and he gasped out loud in horror. “Kyungsoo…..did he do….. _that_?”

Kyungsoo looked away and nodded his head.

“Oh my god!” Dr. Zhang breathed out and he sounded angry, livid even. “Oh my _god!_ The audacity of that man. I need to see Chanyeol right away. Can you tell me where the room is, dear?”

“The last one if you go straight from here,” Kyungsoo said in a lifeless voice. He handed out the key to the doctor. “Here, the key. I had locked the door as…a precaution.”

“Thank you, Kyungsoo. I promise to take good care of him for you,” Dr. Zhang gave him a reassuring smile as he took the key and then turned to walk down the corridor. He paused once more though and then turned to face Kyungsoo once again. “Oh, and my dear boy. Please don’t blame yourself. It’s none of your fault, Kyungsoo.” After saying that, Dr. Zhang was gone.

Kyungsoo stood trembling at the same spot for some time. Then his feet moved in autopilot and then he began walking forward aimlessly. He found himself entering the warehouse where they did combat training and stood in the middle of the worn down training mat, empty and hurting.

_You failed,_ an obnoxious voice spoke in his mind. _You’d promised to protect Chanyeol no matter what. You failed, you worthless piece of shit._

Kyungsoo found himself crumbling to his knees, dry heaving and ears ringing. Tears stung his eyes and his vision went blurry. He had failed. He had really failed.

_Your father is right. You’re a good for nothing trash. You can’t do shit for Chanyeol and you make big promises about protecting him and making him happy._

“I’m a failure,” Kyungsoo sobbed while clutching at his chest. He curled up on himself on the mat, tears running uncontrollably down his face. Never in his entire life had he felt so weak, powerless and pathetic. “I’m an utter failure.”

The quiet empty warehouse was filled with the heartbroken cries of the young boy as Kyungsoo blamed and berated himself all alone in the empty expanses of the place. It hurt. It hurt so much to think that the one person he had held so dear to his heart was broken the way he was by none other than his own father and he couldn’t do anything to prevent it. He felt sick. But he felt angrier. Angrier at his own uselessness.

“Chanyeol, please forgive me,” he sobbed out to no one in particular. “I’m sorry I failed. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you.”

He sniffled as he pushed himself up into a sitting position, exhausted from all the crying but still unable to stop the tears from flowing. He could feel the dust caking on his tear-stained cheeks. “I swear I will make up for this. I _swear_ I will get you out of this shit! I will not give up!”

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate myself for doing this so much. i think im def gonna write a sequel just to give chansoo the friggin lovey-dovey fluff they deserve. argh, i can't wait to write the next chapter just to get this one out of my mind
> 
> anyway, like always do give me kudos and comments if you think i deserve them. you can follow me on twitter although i only tweet random trash about exo and sometimes dreamcatcher:)


	11. Protectiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning: graphic violence and torture scene. please skip that bit if it makes you uncomfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy hell! i'm finally updating this like, after a century! i'm so sorry for the long wait guys but i've been suffering from a terrible terrible block and i couldn't write at ALL. anyway, this shitty fic is finally back and revenge has been served hehehe. 
> 
> also i listened to Monster on repeat in the mutiny bit and Jekyll inspired the torture scene so i suggest you guys listen to them too! happy reading!

There was a deadline of two weeks and two days had already passed. Kyungsoo worked with quiet diligence, putting his plan into effect little by little. The events of two days prior haunted him still but it also proved to spur him on with way more urgency than before.

He rubbed his arms absently, partly because of the early morning chill and partly because he couldn’t help feel some sort of unease as he waited in the designated spot the memo he had received told him to wait in. He shook his head as if chiding himself. This was necessary. He couldn’t waver now just because he was doubting who to trust.

Presently, the escort he had been waiting for arrived, well-bundled up and with his face covered and then led him to a house that looked like a normal cottage from outside but Kyungsoo knew the inside was probably well fortified and had numerous people secretly hidden and pointing the barrels of their snipers at him.

“Boss is waiting in the study upstairs,” the guide spoke in a muffled voice, the mask covering his mouth. “Try not to do anything funny.”

Kyungsoo shrugged in reply and began walking up the stairs his guide had indicated. Clenching his fists in silence, he then opened the door of the study there and walked in.

“Winter Child,” a voice called out in acknowledgement and the figure that sat on the swivel chair turned around to face him. “To what do I owe the honour of having you visit me? And that too so soon?”

“Quit the mockery,” Kyungsoo said flatly, pulling off the scarf covering his mouth the slightest bit. “I’ve come here to you with a request.”

“Have you done what you promised me you would do?” the man questioned instead.

“All the insiders know when to act. They’ve also already begun hoarding the weaponry in cautious amounts like I instructed them to,” Kyungsoo replied. “All that’s left is to find a way to breach the security and I have a solution for that as well.”

“Just as efficient as the rumours say you are,” the man praised. “Now tell me what it is that you wanna request.”

“I’m aware that you plan on hacking his bank account,” Kyungsoo jumped straight to the point without bothering to beat around the bush. “My request is to give me half of the amount from there. He is loaded any which ways, so you’ll have more than enough even after you halve the amount.”

“Alright then. That’s a fair request seeing you _are_ his rightful heir after all,” the man nodded. “Anything else?”

“None,” Kyungsoo answered shortly and turned to go back. “I’ll have the hideout security down in five days. Be ready. And oh,” he turned back one last time, eyes hard and unforgiving. “Remember to leave him all to me.”

“It seems the infallible Mr. Do’s biggest mistake was making an enemy out of his son,” the man gave a crooked smile and lifted a hand in farewell. “As you wish, Winter Child.”

……………………

Being the heir of a mafia boss definitely had its perks. Being the said mafia gang’s best assassin was even more advantageous. Kyungsoo could waltz in through the hideout gates at the dead of the night and no one would suspect him. Even if they did, they were too scared to confront or spill on him. And those idiots that did try…….well, a bullet to the temple or a cold blade to the throat and that was the end of the story. Kyungsoo felt no remorse towards harming them. But he did feel tired of all the blood he had to get on his hands just because he had been born in the wrong place. He wished to stop in all genuineness and turn over a new leaf. He promised that this would be the last time he got his hands dirty. For his own sake. And for Chanyeol’s sake.

_Chanyeol._ Kyungsoo’s heart clenched when he thought about the boy. It was funny and rather amazing just how much a single person could change him. But Kyungsoo welcomed this change. Now he only wished to protect the boy from further harm.

He carried a tray of food like he used to during the first few days of Chanyeol’s arrival to the gang. Inside his sleeve he also hid one of the reasons driving him to do what he was doing. He needed to get it to Chanyeol’s hands as soon as possible. Only problem was the fact that his father now kept a careful watch over the interactions of both of them. And while Kyungsoo had considerable control over the small fries so that they would never go against him, he couldn’t do anything much about the potty mouths that reported to and worked directly under his father’s orders. Like that smirking asshole who stood guard in front of Chanyeol’s room.

“What brings you here, Kyungsoo?” the guy drawled and Kyungsoo mentally stabbed him a thousand times for having the gall to address him with his first name and for even existing in the first place. “The Boss has forbidden you and the runt from meeting, hasn’t he? Or are you going against your father’s orders?”

“And what if I am?” Kyungsoo said blankly. “Father already got his way. Chanyeol will be sent away in less than two weeks’ time. He can’t stop me from meeting him now. Now move. I have food to deliver.”

Ignoring the guy when he opened his mouth to protest, Kyungsoo reached out for the handle and swung open the door. His breath caught for a moment when he saw Chanyeol, dressed in a soft grey hoodie and sitting on the ground, reading a book. The only difference in his appearance was the still prominent bite mark on his jaw and the bruises on his neck. Just the sight of those made Kyungsoo’s blood boil.

“Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol’s voice was soft and questioning. But there was also an underlying gladness in it. Kyungsoo’s heart couldn’t help but melt a little.

“Hi, Yeol,” Kyungsoo smiled and walked forward to put the tray down as well as sit in front of the other. He took care to sit in a way so that his back faced the newly installed CCTV in the room. “Reading Oliver Twist again?”

“Yeah, I’ve run out of new books to read,” Chanyeol smiled too and scooted a little closer to Kyungsoo. “So, I was rereading old ones.”

Kyungsoo stared at the book Chanyeol was holding for some time and a sudden idea struck him. “Oliver Twist….hasn’t _run away_ yet, has he?”

As expected, Chanyeol caught the slightest change of tone in the words ‘run away’ just as Kyungsoo had intended it to. He stared at the other, understanding showing in his eyes and shook his head. “Nope, not yet.”

“But he will _soon_ , I’m assuming.”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol smiled once again. “Try guessing _after_ _how_ _many_ pages.”

Kyungsoo was internally grinning, rather proud that Chanyeol was so smart and caught on so fast. “Maybe after _five_ or so pages?”

“Close enough,” Chanyeol chuckled even as Kyungsoo found himself drawing closer to the other. “When I get to that part, I’ll call you. Maybe we can read it _together_?”

“Sounds like a good idea,” Kyungsoo murmured and laid a hand on Chanyeol’s cheek, causing the other to draw in a shaky breath and wait in anticipation. But Kyungsoo also knew that it hadn’t been too long since Chanyeol had gotten sexually assaulted so Kyungsoo made sure to be hesitant and silently ask if he was allowed to carry on.

Chanyeol laid his own hand over Kyungsoo’s and smiled reassuringly. “I trust you,” he mouthed.

This gave Kyungsoo the confirmation he needed and he began leaning in for a kiss when an obnoxious voice interrupted them. “What the hell do you two think you’re doing under my watch?”

Kyungsoo sighed and shot the potty mouthed guard with a glare. “Then don’t watch.”

“Bah, first you go on spouting some fairy tale nonsense on books and now you wanna make out?” the guard sneered. “Like….how dare you?”

“This is the first time I’m hearing someone call wanting to kiss my own boyfriend as nonsense,” Kyungsoo said, making the guard splutter. “What are you looking at me like that for? I thought me and Chanyeol being in a relationship in this hideout was ‘ _common knowledge’_.”

“You……you!” the guard stuttered in indignance. “Watch it, you cock-sucker or I’m gonna…..”

“Whatever you wanna do, you wouldn’t be able to pull it off before I gouge your eyes out first. Now, look away,” Kyungsoo said one final time before he yanked Chanyeol towards himself and began kissing him rather filthily. He made sure to also make his kisses extra loud just to drive the obnoxious idiot away. The involuntary gasps and sounds Chanyeol made also helped. Before long, the guard swore out loud one last time and stalked out of the room much to Kyungsoo’s satisfaction.

There was still the camera to worry about however and so Kyungsoo continued the kissing for some time to raise no suspicion and pretended to begin feeling Chanyeol under his hoodie. In reality, safe from the view of the camera, he slid out the fake passport he had had forged the other day and had hidden in his sleeve and slipped it into the waistband of the other’s pants.

They separated after some time to catch their breaths. Kyungsoo searched Chanyeol’s eyes once to see if he had realized and saw understanding in the other’s eyes. He moved in once more to leave a trail of kisses on the other’s neck and went to nibble his earlobe.

“Your usual night bath time,” Kyungsoo murmured softly, pretending to continue kissing the other’s ear so that the camera didn’t catch anything suspicious. “I’ll wait for you. Still have stuff to discuss.”

Chanyeol gave an answering hum to confirm that he had heard and then Kyungsoo was pulling away. Reluctant to leave, he placed one last kiss on the other’s lips.

“I have to go now,” he said. “Before that guy outside gets too suspicious. Take care, Yeol.”

“Mm,” Chanyeol closed his eyes and leaned against Kyungsoo’s touch on his cheek one last time before pulling away as well. “You too, Soo.”

…………………….

Chanyeol usually went for a last night time bath after dinner and before turning in. It was also a fact that Kyungsoo knew well but other gang members as well as his father didn’t and so he took complete advantage of it.

Twenty minutes before the designated time, Kyungsoo sneaked into the community bathrooms and chose the cubicle at the very end. He then waited, hoping and praying no one else came in before Chanyeol did. Apparently, his luck held out because after twenty minutes had passed, the door of the washroom swung open and a very familiar deep voice called out cautiously.

“Here,” Kyungsoo answered just as cautiously and beckoned Chanyeol to the cubicle he had hidden himself in. Chanyeol quickly made his way and slipped into the cubicle as well.

“The guard came along and he is waiting outside,” Chanyeol said, a little breathless. “So, I can’t take too long.”

“Turn on the shower and pretend that you’re already bathing,” Kyungsoo said shortly and upturned the bucket that was present there. He then sat on top of it, so that an extra pair of feet didn’t show from the gap below the door. “Or you can just go on and take a real bath and we can talk while you’re bathing.”

Chanyeol gawked and stared at him, eyes wide and cheeks turning pink. “W….what?”

“It’ll save time,” Kyungsoo shrugged. “Don’t worry, I won’t stare. But you don’t need to do it if you’re uncomfortable either.”

Chanyeol stood thinking for some time before he made a decision and began pulling off his clothes. “I’ll do it. I….you’re the last person I feel uncomfortable with. Also….I want to stop feeling like this when….when I know it’s not my fault. I want to be…..strong again.”

“You don’t need to force yourself, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo said, his voice betraying a hint of the worry he felt.

“I’m okay, Soo,” Chanyeol gave a shaky smile. “I….I trust you.”

Right after he had said those words and stood under the shower only in his birth suit, Chanyeol automatically found himself crossing his arms like he was trying to hide even the slightest bit of himself for his decency. Kyungsoo sighed. Of course, he wasn’t “okay” like he said he was. It hadn’t even been more than two days since….the incident and Kyungsoo knew just how deep the trauma ran. Chanyeol wouldn’t be “okay” for a long time.

“I won’t look,” Kyungsoo said quietly. “Let’s just proceed on with what we came here to do.”

Chanyeol merely nodded, his head hanging down in guilt and shame. Kyungsoo swallowed down his urge to reprimand the other and tell him to stop blaming himself for things out of his power. There wasn’t enough time. He mainly turned his gaze away respectfully as the other turned on the shower.

“I have one task for you, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo continued on, acknowledging Chanyeol’s replying hum. “You once told me you can hack into the hideout security system with the help of your laptop, didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol replied through the splashing of the shower water. “I figured out most of the algorithm a long time ago because I did try to hack it before. However, I couldn’t get to the central command because it’s way more cryptically built and harder to crack.”

“Will you be able to do it?” Kyungsoo questioned.

Chanyeol hummed for a second before replying. “It’s not impossible. But I need a few days.”

“You have five,” Kyungsoo answered in a serious voice. “Will you be able to do it?”

“I will try my best,” Chanyeol answered with a smile. “Is there…anything else I can do?”

“Nothing else,” Kyungsoo said. “Just……trust me on this, okay? And keep that passport safe.” He swallowed once, trying to get rid of the lump that had suddenly lodged itself in his throat. “And I…….I love you.”

Chanyeol turned off the shower and suddenly there was silence for some time. Then wrapping a towel around himself, he finally turned to face Kyungsoo, face with a neutral expression but his eyes holding a myriad of emotions that Kyungsoo couldn’t completely decipher. “Kyungsoo,” a little hesitantly he walked forward, bridging the gap between them. In the silence, the only sounds filling the little cubicle was that of their breathing. “I….”

At that moment, the main door to the bathrooms swung open and a familiar obnoxious voice yelled out. “Yo, you runt. Are you done with your bath yet?”

“Y-yeah, give me a few minutes. I’m putting on my clothes,” Chanyeol stuttered out in reply, giving Kyungsoo a pained look like he didn’t wanna leave. Quickly and carelessly drying off he began throwing on the clean pair of clothes he had brought along with him.

_We will meet again,_ Kyungsoo mouthed at him. _So, don’t worry too much._

Chanyeol nodded and then suddenly surged forward to plant a firm kiss on Kyungsoo’s lips. _I love you_ , he mouthed and then he was gone.

Once again in the silence that had descended, Kyungsoo sat alone and took a staggering breath. _Five days,_ he told himself.

…………………………..

In the following five days, the rest of the entire plan began taking form. Kyungsoo had to admit, the rebels worked with very efficient speed and precision because all the things happened exactly as the plan stated.

It was first the weaponry stored in a number of their warehouses that began disappearing. At first, it wasn’t that noticeable, seeing it didn’t disappear in bulks but calculated numbers and also in so many warehouses together that it was hard to keep track. Also, there was no signs of breaking in so they weren’t even stolen by outside sources nor were there any traces left. Expectedly Mr. Do immediately suspected it to be an insider and got a number of his boys to begin investigating the case. What he didn’t realize, however, was that most of his “boys” that he’d assigned with the important tasks were no longer on his side.

After the warehouses, it was their shipments. The private trade routes and docks of their gang had somehow been leaked and suddenly their shipments began disappearing mid-voyage and never made it to the port. Mr. Do was beyond livid.

“It’s been already three days since I ordered you guys to solve this case why aren’t there any results yet?” his yelling was followed with crashes as he swept off all the things on his desk out of anger. The men standing before him flinched the slightest bit before schooling their faces back to stoic expressions. “Ya’ll are absolutely USELESS! Out of my sight!”

Behind the door, Kyungsoo relished at his father’s discord. He couldn’t wait to destroy the man.

That wasn’t the end of things that went against Mr. Do’s favour. When he tried to reach out to some of his most trusted allies, he was astonished to find out that they had withdrawn their alliance. No amount of demanding for explanation did anything to reveal the reason for their sudden withdrawing. Nor could he attack them in any way because he had no allies left and his gang was way too weak to attack all of the gangs that had pulled away from the alliance. He could only seethe and grind his teeth in frustration. This was the biggest blow yet. Until he saw his bank account.

It was then Mr. Do realized a mutiny was at play here. A big one. And he needed to flee.

Kyungsoo cut off the final date on his calendar before D-Day. He smirked. Payback time.

………………………

D-Day.

The first thing Kyungsoo did was act nonchalant and carry a tray of dinner to Chanyeol’s room. He had been doing that regularly both to keep an eye on Chanyeol’s progress as well as just to see him. He ignored the guard’s efforts to prevent him so blatantly that the guard eventually gave up trying and just stared at them grudgingly.

“Hey, Yeol,” Kyungsoo greeted the moment he entered. The digital watch on his wrist ticked and Chanyeol lifted his head to give him a knowing look before smiling brightly. “What’s up?”

“Soo~” Chanyeol greeted, making grabby hands at the other. “I downloaded a new game. Wanna look?”

“Sure,” Kyungsoo said and sat down on the ground next to Chanyeol. “What have you got here?”

“It’s a game called _Escape Rooms._ I think it’s gonna be fun!” Chanyeol said and turned the laptop the slightest bit so that Kyungsoo could look at the screen. There was a dark screen and bunches of numbers and letters that made absolutely no sense to Kyungsoo. But what mattered was the little white pop-up window on the center that flashed two words: **Task Complete.**

Right then, the watch on his wrist gave a final tick. With the very first beep, Kyungsoo swiftly pulled out a handgun and shot the CCTV first.

“Hey, what….” the guard began but before he could say another word Kyungsoo shot him next. In seconds, he was sprawled on the ground, cold and not breathing.

“Here,” Kyungsoo muttered while tossing Chanyeol the gun. “Time to run.”

Chanyeol nodded grimly, hit a final button on his laptop and grabbed a backpack he had hidden under the bed. “Your security team will find out I’ve hacked the system in about ten minutes.”

“That’s enough time,” Kyungsoo said and then got hold of Chanyeol’s arm before both of them hurried out of the room. Passing members who weren’t part of the mutiny gave both of them curious looks but the both of them paid no heed.

Just as Chanyeol had predicted, the alarm began blaring right after ten minutes but Kyungsoo merely smirked. Everything was going according to plan so far. In the corridor they ran through, the doors on both walls opened and men stepped out armed with guns. Yet they gave the running Kyungsoo and Chanyeol hardly a glance.

“What?!” Chanyeol’s shock and confusion was etched clearly on the face. Of course he wasn’t aware of the entire plan.

“A large scale mutiny,” Kyungsoo briefly explained. “Tonight, this whole establishment goes down.” Then there was mayhem.

Gunfire. Blood and horrifying screams filled the entire hideout as the inside mutineers shot down the other gang members. Rooms were thrown open and gang members dragged out. It was chaos all over. And in the midst of it all, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol ran with single-minded determination to where they knew the front doors were.

“Here!” Kyungsoo finally yelled and kicked open the door that would lead them out of the building and to the driveway leading to the iron front gates that stood wide open thanks to Chanyeol’s hacking. Cursing, he chucked a few throwing knives at a few gang members who tried to stop them and pulled along Chanyeol into the frigid and cloudy night. Freedom was so close. But not yet for himself. He still had a task he needed to complete.

They reached the front gates and Kyungsoo suddenly stopped. Chanyeol stopped along with him in confusion.

“Kyungsoo?” he questioned. “What’s up? Why are we stopping?”

“You’re not stopping here,” Kyungsoo corrected. “I can’t come with you yet. I still have something to do.”

“What?” Chanyeol exclaimed in disbelief and grabbed Kyungsoo’s shoulders. “What the hell are you saying, Kyungsoo?! I’m not leaving you here! I’m not going alone either.”

“You have to,” Kyungsoo said sharply, making Chanyeol drop his hands. Then he continued in a softer tone. “I will join you, don’t worry. For now, you have to run alone. There is something I need to finish.”

“No,” Chanyeol half whispered. He looked close to tears. “Kyungsoo, no. You’re coming with me.”

“Chanyeol, Yeol-ah, look at me,” Kyungsoo said, taking hold of Chanyeol’s face. “You’re extremely smart and brave. You can take care of yourself. So, I want you to run far away and hide yourself properly. Wait for me there. I _swear_ , I will come to find you.”

Chanyeol closed his eyes, took a shaky breath and then opened them again to send the other a harsh glare. “Three days,” he growled. “I’ll wait for three days. If you do not come to me during that time, then I’m coming back here to get you.”

“It’s a promise,” Kyungsoo whispered and smiled while caressing Chanyeol’s face. “Now go.”

Chanyeol suddenly wrapped him in one last tight hug. “You _have_ to be safe,” he said shakily and pulled away. Then he turned and ran out, crossing the gate and into the inky darkness of the world outside.

Kyungsoo watched him run for some time, heart both torn and relieved to see the guy he loved finally running away from the clutches of their gang and away from him. Then he steeled himself, turned around the opposite way and walked back into the building that had housed him all the years he was alive.

He walked through the bloody corridors and over the bodies strewn all around, ignoring the constant sounds of yells and gunshots. He had only one destination in mind.

As he walked into the eerily quiet and empty extended wing that had been the home he’d shared with his “father” and up a familiar flight of stairs, Kyungsoo cocked the gun in his hand and readied the other weapons he carried under his jacket. He’d been waiting for this moment.

On reaching the study, he threw open the door and saw his father in a haggard condition, stacking some papers and shoving them in a briefcase as well as shoving in bundles of extra cash he had stowed away in the safe in his office. He looked up when he heard Kyungsoo walking in and gave a borderline manic and relieved smile.  

“There you are, son,” he huffed. “We need to run from here. Help me gather the remaining papers please and—ACK!”

The last yell was because Kyungsoo raised his gun and shot the man right on his shins. The proud and sadistic Mr. Do crumbled to the ground in a bloody pile like a rag-doll. “Kyungsoo…..what the fuck are you doing?”

“Oh, pardon me,” Kyungsoo said blankly, throwing aside the handgun. “I’m still really bad at shooting guns with precision. I was actually aiming for your kneecaps, you know.”

Mr. Do looked up at his son in disbelief. “You….you betrayed me? Your own father?”

“Ah, how arrogant, Mr. Do,” Kyungsoo sneered, kneeling down on one knee to gloat at the man. “The audacity to call yourself my father. Did you really ever consider me your son?”

It was just as Kyungsoo began leaning down that the man began looking panicked and idiotically tried to crawl away, only to have a knife planted so deep into his hand that the blade went in, came out of the other end and got embedded into the ground. The scream Mr. Do let out was feral and bloodcurdling. Kyungsoo showed no mercy and stabbed another knife on his other hand in the same way, completely pinning the man down.

“What’s wrong? You’re suffering already?” Kyungsoo grinned and grabbed his father by the hair. “I have a lot more planned for you, don’t worry.”

“Why are you doing this?” the man grit out, causing Kyungsoo to throw back his head and laugh out loud.

“You’re asking me that? Really?” then suddenly the slightest hint of a smile was wiped away from his lips and all Kyungsoo looked down at the man with was intense hatred. “After all that you’ve done to me, to my loved ones, you really ask me why am I doing this?”

His eyes flicked idly to his father’s bloody hands that were pinned to the floor. “Those fingers enjoyed touching and hurting Chanyeol, didn’t they?”

“What…..” the man below him gulped. “What are you planning to do?

“Hmm? Well, a lot of stuff,” Kyungsoo smirked and brought out a mini cleaver he had hidden inside his jacket. “Firstly, I don’t like the sight of your fingers. I hope you don’t mind me getting rid of them.”

“Don’t you dare…” he wasn’t allowed to continue as Kyungsoo brought down the cleaver _hard_ and cut off his first three fingers. The man let out another bloodcurdling howl.

“Shut up,” Kyungsoo growled and shoved the severed fingers into the man’s mouth. He yanked his head back and _forced_ him to swallow them down, causing him to cough, choke and after he’d managed to swallow, scream some more. “I’m not even halfway close to done yet.”

“Mercy…..” the man pleaded in a hoarse voice and gagged, going green in his face. “Mercy…….please.”

Kyungsoo said nothing, lifted his cleaver and hacked off the rest of the fingers. His face remained impassive through all of his father’s deafening screams. “Mercy? Really? Really, Mr. Do?”

“I was wrong! I was wrong! Ah! Spare me! Spare me please!”

“I never thought I’d live to see a day where it’s Mr. Do begging,” Kyungsoo chuckled. “Oh what sweet irony!”

“Kyung….Soo….” the man whimpered through his pain. “I’m….your….father.”

“No,” Kyungsoo snarled yanking at his hair and snapping up his head once more. “You’re nothing but a fucking piece of shit.”

Dropping his head back, Kyungsoo then got up and paced around for a bit. “Let’s list all of your sins and what they are gonna cost you, shall we?” he said and walked towards the open safe to inspect it. “Number one, your fingers. They felt and hurt a lot of women when they didn’t want it. But more importantly, you dared to touch Chanyeol and hurt him. And that’s why…..they had to go.”

Kyungsoo turned back and began walking towards the whimpering, groaning and writhing figure on the ground once again. He drew out a carving knife from his sleeve and knelt in front of his father’s face. He pulled up the man’s head once more. “Number two, your tongue. You kissed Chanyeol, didn’t you? Defiled him with that disgusting piece of muscle, didn’t you?” it was, of course, a rhetorical question. The man shook his head vehemently while whimpering in terror. “Well, then that has to go too.”

So saying, Kyungsoo pressed his fingers from where he was holding up his head by the cheek, forcing his mouth open and stuck in the knife, digging it into the fleshy tongue, completely ignoring the man’s garbled screams. With one swift precise move, he cut off the tongue and dropped the head, casually wiping off the blood that had sprayed on his own face. “Oh my, you do look quite a sight, Mr. Do.”

All Mr. Do could do was make incomprehensible noises and glare through his tears of pain and terror at Kyungsoo.

“Number three,” Kyungsoo continued icily. “Your eyes. And it’s not just for Chanyeol either. Just how many times have you looked at him and me, your own son, with the wrong gaze? You thought I never noticed? You fucking animal.”

Mr. Do’s vocal chords strained and nearly snapped as he let out the loudest strangled screams when Kyungsoo gouged out his eyeballs. “Those disgusting things better go!”

By this time even Kyungsoo was breathing heavily as he stared with mounting hatred at his father who was a writhing figure, unintelligible through the intense pain. Not stopping for a second, Kyungsoo gave a brutal kick on the guy’s side and flipped him over. His pinned hands were ripped out of the blades holding them down and the man screamed some more. This time, his vocal chords did break.

“Finally, number four,” Kyungsoo huffed. “That disgusting dick of yours. You have lot of fun sticking it into people, don’t you? But you sealed your fate, when you decided to stick it into Chanyeol.”

He grabbed the discarded hand gun and shot two bullets directly at the man’s dick. The man’s mouth fell open into a soundless scream, blood gurgling out of his mouth in a heavy stream. Kyungsoo hardened his heart one final time.

“Goodbye, _father,”_ he growled and fired shots at point blank range at the man’s head, not caring about the blood splattering himself. He didn’t stop shooting until the body completely stopped moving. The proud and sadistic Mr. Do lay a mass of decimated flesh in a pool of his own blood.

Kyungsoo staggered away, heaving and retching. He stumbled a few paces backwards and emptied all the contents of his stomach. It was finally over. His revenge was done. Yet Kyungsoo felt numb. He was only aware of the roaring blood in his ears and thundering heartbeat. He only knew that he had to get back to Chanyeol soon.

A series of claps sounded behind him. “My, my! Do Kyungsoo, you have outdone yourself today,” a half amused, half mocking voice spoke out just then. “But why are you throwing up only from this much amount of violence? Can it be possible that the noteworthy assassin, Winter Child, is actually not fond of violence?”

“Lim Min Hyuk,” Kyungsoo muttered. “You’re late.”

Lim Min Hyuk, Mr. Do’s previous right-hand man and the perpetrator of the entire mutiny, the guy Kyungsoo had supposedly ‘killed’ under his father’s orders, smirked and walked into the study. “Nah, I’m perfectly on time. You did all the work for me and I’m thankful,” he drawled. “And now….”

Kyungsoo was only a split second slower in reacting because he was still a little dazed and hence Min Hyuk’s henchmen could grab hold of him. “You really should’ve known better than to trust me so easily, Do Kyungsoo. But alas, you _are_ still a child after all.”

Kyungsoo could do nothing but glower at the man because he was too firmly restrained. “Why did you agree to work with me then?”

“Oh, it’s simple,” Min Hyuk shrugged. “’Cause you’re hella efficient. And you had the same goal as me. It doesn’t mean that I ever trusted you. You are still that man’s heir after all. And I know that there was always a part of you that was loyal to him because you wanted nothing more than to impress him.”

Kyungsoo grimaced. “Ah, shut up. You talk too much. Just kill me quickly if that’s what you’re planning to do.”

“How preposterous of you to think that I would give you what you want,” Min Hyuk’s relaxed countenance changed into a hardened one just then. “I shall take my sweet time with you. Men, take him away.”

As the two men holding him began dragging him away, Kyungsoo’s only disgruntled thought was the fact that it would take him longer than originally planned to get back to Chanyeol.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i might've been inspired a little from Wei Wuxian's torturing Wen Chao by feeding him his own fcking legs so......i made kyungsoo feed his dad his own fingers.....*runs away and hides
> 
> also, totally not endorsing Mo Dao Zu Shi here. nope. not *whispers, read the novel ya'll!
> 
> anyway, one last chapter to go! forgive me for leaving ya'll on yet another cliffhanger T^T bt i SWEAR chansoo get the happiness they deserve!

**Author's Note:**

> twelve year olds are that badass? yeah, i know, i watch too much Naruto for my own good ^^; they are all twelve in the beginning and very very badass. ><  
> Anyway, hope you liked the first chapter. leave me kudos and comments if you think i deserve them <3


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